Daughter suggests they need outside care & husband sets up day care to come to the house, but when they actually arrive, he turns them away (because he forgot he set up the whole thing just a few days earlier).
Get him diagnosed. If it’s dementia, then you will have to either hire home care or place in a facility.
What you have mentioned (setting up help, then turning them away) sounds like dementia. He sounds more than a little confused and dementia will only get worse. Get him to a Dr to have proper diagnosis done so you know what you are dealing with.
Time for in facility care I think. No longer are they competent enough to manage the activities of daily life. If you are POA you will have to have honest discussion now of where things are going. I surely do wish you good luck in that. I am sure it will be complicated and messy and no one will be happy, but it's a fact of life that cannot be avoided.
I'm a bit confused, but I can say if husband has no recollection at all of calling the caregivers, and he wouldn't let them in. This sound more serious than just a slip of an aging mind.
Has he been tested for dementia. Does not sound like a good situation, he could forget wife's meds or anything.
The original poster states the husband is "aging senile". So we're assuming he has dementia. The daughter needs to stop "suggesting" and start "doing". The daughter has POA but does she have HIPAA POA? Two different things. It seems like the poster may be a friend (just because his profile name is drbill88 does not equate him as a physician). You cannot assume because of a general question posted.
So yes, my advice to the poster is to advise the daughter to research additional options for her parents' care. The husband does not seem capable of understanding his wife's care needs. Daughter needs to intervene for their health and safety.
It's time for the daughter or PoA to now actively lead the management of their care decisions. No more "suggesting". She or PoA needs to be there when the aids show up and needs to discuss how to problem solve this when it happens on the following day as well. The daughter or PoA needs to be the one setting up the aids and managing it.
If the daily management gets to be onerous to the daughter or PoA, then it is probably time to consider AL, as others on this thread have also suggested.
If the husband is turning away homecare because he forgot he set it up, he should not be making any decisions for his wife or himself for that matter.
The daughter needs to stop "suggesting" anything to her father because whatever she says will fall on deaf dementia ears and he will forget anyway. So she has to take action and petition the court for conservatorship of her parents before a tragedy happens and the state appoints a conservator for them. They should probably be placed in a Long Term Care facility. One appropriate to meet their care needs.
I did homecare for 25 years. Speaking from experience I can honestly say that when people are at the point where they won't let us in and all that nonsense, they usually end up not accepting homecare and they have to be placed.
What you can do it have a talk with the daughter and let her know that you will be calling APS because they are at risk, vulnerable adults. She should also call.
Dr Bill is a third party with a connection to these people. The wife has health issues and needs care. Her husband is making the decisions but he's out-of-it himself because he sets up homecare for her then won't admit them into the home because he doesn't remember setting up the services.
Both of them need a conservator making their decisions and arranging their care.
Perhaps you can try telling him that "you" asked them to come because "you" need the help around the house. That way he will get used to having these people in your house and he will eventually(hopefully)welcome their help. You as his wife have to now take control as your husband is no longer able to. He no longer gets a say in who stays and who goes, as his brain is broken and will not get better. And if his care is too much for you then it's time to have him placed in the appropriate facility.
They may need to call the daughter to find out how / what her involvement is in the care of her parents.
Someone needs to manage care-givers.
It would seem that the daughter would be the person to do this.
What you have mentioned (setting up help, then turning them away) sounds like dementia. He sounds more than a little confused and dementia will only get worse. Get him to a Dr to have proper diagnosis done so you know what you are dealing with.
Has he been tested for dementia. Does not sound like a good situation, he could forget wife's meds or anything.
So yes, my advice to the poster is to advise the daughter to research additional options for her parents' care. The husband does not seem capable of understanding his wife's care needs. Daughter needs to intervene for their health and safety.
If the daily management gets to be onerous to the daughter or PoA, then it is probably time to consider AL, as others on this thread have also suggested.
The daughter needs to stop "suggesting" anything to her father because whatever she says will fall on deaf dementia ears and he will forget anyway. So she has to take action and petition the court for conservatorship of her parents before a tragedy happens and the state appoints a conservator for them. They should probably be placed in a Long Term Care facility. One appropriate to meet their care needs.
I did homecare for 25 years. Speaking from experience I can honestly say that when people are at the point where they won't let us in and all that nonsense, they usually end up not accepting homecare and they have to be placed.
What you can do it have a talk with the daughter and let her know that you will be calling APS because they are at risk, vulnerable adults. She should also call.
Both of them need a conservator making their decisions and arranging their care.
You as his wife have to now take control as your husband is no longer able to. He no longer gets a say in who stays and who goes, as his brain is broken and will not get better.
And if his care is too much for you then it's time to have him placed in the appropriate facility.