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She's 95 with Dementia. A-type personality, bi-polar most of her life and controlling. Because she didn't bother to get a will or have any beneficiaries in place after my dad passed, her social worker suggested calling the free services of Elder Law, which we did, and they drew up all the paperwork for POA and Ladybird Deed. My mom voluntarily signed everything. After a few weeks, her behavior got worse so I called the Dementia hotline and they told me to get her to the doctor to check for a UTI which she did have and was treated for it, but then she stopped taking the antibiotics midstream so I don't think they worked. Now she's claiming we conspired and will try to kill her now that she's so-called gave her home away. Everyday she keeps saying she will die today, spewing venom and fantasies that I turned everyone against her. I'm not sleeping worrying she might walk out of the house because she's not sleeping either. It's so hard to hear how much she hates me. I'm falling into a depression.

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UTI- get her back on them. If she won’t cooperate, you may as the dr to admit her to hospital for IV.

on another post regarding sleep, the elder was put on Seroquel and Ativan. Talk to her doctor.

ifcthese things to change her mood, then you may ask doctors whst the the step should be
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I cannot frankly imagine an attorney thinking your mother mentally competent to do a ladybird deed and a POA.
Apparently an attorney did.
If your Mom is then competent, she is competent to change her POA and to file charges.
So I guess we will await seeing how competent she is.

For me you have taken on POA over someone you cannot control.
How will that work for you?
I can't imagine.
You have made yourself legally responsible for some totally out of control. Moreover there is both dementia and mental illness here. If she is incompetent due to dementia, then your POA holds; if she is incompetent due to mental illness, no court will take her rights from her, so she cannot even get placement.

I never would have done what you did. Neither the deed nor the POA.
So honestly, I cannot advise you. Given the advice you have already received to do as you have done I worry for you.
I can't imagine this going well and I hope you will get good advice and support.
I hope you'll update us and I hope others here may have more useful advice than my own.
If you have not yet red Liz Scheier's wonderful memoir Never Simple, about her own mentally ill mother and her attempts to help her, please do.
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AlvaDeer Nov 21, 2023
Hi Bounce,
It surely is a problem with Chronic UTIs, but Mom has been diagnosed as bipolar and does have some dementia. Take away a clean urine specimen, I suspect you are still left with a whole RAFT of problems.

It will be difficult ALWAYS with her mom to differentiate just what is the problem with her and what to do about it. In fact impossible.
While she may have chronic and ongoing urinary tract infections. I think it unlikely they are the cause of the problems, and no matter what the dipstick shows problems could be ongoing and she's as unlikely to take her medications for infection as she is her medication for bipolar.

We can only guess at the CAUSE and a court will throw their hands up in despair.
The OUTCOME remains the same.
This woman is unlikely to be in control in future, and she is unlikely to be cooperative with anyone, and my advice to the OP is to get out of dodge.

I don't know if YOU, Bounce have read Never Simple, the book I recommended to our OP? It is aptly titled.
With mental illness, no matter what ELSE is going, it is Never Simple.
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Thank you all!!
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AlvaDeer Nov 21, 2023
You are welcome. Lynn, thank YOU for being responsive. So many OPs just disappear quietly. Hope you will stick around and let us know the outcome, the Urine check, and so on. Best of luck.
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Get her to the er now. If this is uti it will need to be treated, and if not it’s a psych admit . Do not take her back if she thinks you want to kill her as she will react in what she believes is self defense.
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My sweetheart has a saying. "No good deed goes unpunished." You have done nothing wrong. She's angry about being 95, mentally ill, and now she's no longer able to be controlling. So she's got one thing left - the ability to push every last one of your buttons. It makes perfect sense that she's going to lob barbs at you. You don't deserve it, and this is the weird part. Chances are she really does love you, but she just can't figure out how to handle aging gracefully. I read on one of these boards a long time ago a line that I've used often. It goes something like, I love you mom, I will always love you because you're my mother. That will not change. What I can't take is this behavior, and the manner in which you are speaking to me. If you continue to talk to me this way, I will need to remove myself from your company. If she continues, get up, blow her a kiss of kindness, and leave. Find another room to be in. Go take a walk. I get it. My mom lives in my house and is 91. She says horrible things and makes accusations on the daily. I remind myself that she's hard of hearing and even though she's 91, she never developed the advanced people skills she needs to deal with the stressors of life at an advanced age. Today I got yelled at for things she couldn't remember, and was accused of all manner of vile things. I hear you, it's tough. AND. They're HER demons, not yours. Can you get some sort of system that would alert you if she was headed out of her bedroom or out the door? I don't know if any of this is useful to you with your circumstances. Just know that you are not alone. Caregiving isn't for the faint of heart, is it? I hope you are planning a lovely thanksgiving.
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Ok, hopefully she won't fight going.
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lealonnie1 Nov 20, 2023
Tell the EMTs mom has dementia, is suffering from a UTI and an elopement risk, and you are her POA making this decision on her behalf as she is unable to do so.
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Call 911 and get mom transported to the hospital for treatment. Now.
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