Whats a good length of time to visit? I try to get in, deliver clean clothes. Check around, follow up with nurses. If i linger family becomes confused that were going “home” then crying etc.
Sounds like you’re doing the best you can given the status of your family member. The most important part is making sure the person is being properly cared for and having the staff aware that this is a person who’s loved and valued
Do what is comfortable for you and the person you are visiting. Somedays 15 minutes might be fine, other days 15 minutes will seem like a day. And on a good day 15 minutes might seem like no time at all. When you leave try to make sure that the person you are visiting is engaged in an activity if seeing you leave is stressful. If they are involved in a game, a meal or a TV show you can slip out easily. OR you can go when you KNOW they are eating a meal. Slip into the room do what you need to do and leave. They don't even need to know you were there.
I would do WHAT WORKS.l Each person is different. My brother in his ALF loved long long chats out at the gazebo, watching the world go by, talking about past and future. We used, when I visited him, to sit on one or another of our beds in a.m. just chatting and draining the coffee pot. And that was how it was on visits until his death. If, however, the visit brings on weeping and upset, and you are reassured by staff that this isn't the case in the course of the day, it is best to say "I can see you're upset. I have so many things to do, so I will go now and I'll be back soon". It is a kind of Pavlovian training that the waterworks end with being left sooner than later. If you discuss with CNAs and they tell you that sorrow is the constant setting time to discuss something like a try at low dose anti depressant or even gummies which are now given in my friend's mom's NH and has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE for her outlook.
Do if your visit is bringing joy, stay longer. If it is bringing sorrow, leave. If the CNAs tell you that sorrow is the default setting then time to discuss low dose anti depressants with doc. Some places are now giving some mild gummies and while it is late in life to turn to MaryJane, it is making all the difference for my friend's mom in Austin TX. She was non verbal and is now in much better humor.
Somedays 15 minutes might be fine, other days 15 minutes will seem like a day. And on a good day 15 minutes might seem like no time at all.
When you leave try to make sure that the person you are visiting is engaged in an activity if seeing you leave is stressful. If they are involved in a game, a meal or a TV show you can slip out easily.
OR you can go when you KNOW they are eating a meal. Slip into the room do what you need to do and leave. They don't even need to know you were there.
Each person is different.
My brother in his ALF loved long long chats out at the gazebo, watching the world go by, talking about past and future. We used, when I visited him, to sit on one or another of our beds in a.m. just chatting and draining the coffee pot. And that was how it was on visits until his death.
If, however, the visit brings on weeping and upset, and you are reassured by staff that this isn't the case in the course of the day, it is best to say "I can see you're upset. I have so many things to do, so I will go now and I'll be back soon".
It is a kind of Pavlovian training that the waterworks end with being left sooner than later.
If you discuss with CNAs and they tell you that sorrow is the constant setting time to discuss something like a try at low dose anti depressant or even gummies which are now given in my friend's mom's NH and has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE for her outlook.
Do if your visit is bringing joy, stay longer.
If it is bringing sorrow, leave.
If the CNAs tell you that sorrow is the default setting then time to discuss low dose anti depressants with doc. Some places are now giving some mild gummies and while it is late in life to turn to MaryJane, it is making all the difference for my friend's mom in Austin TX. She was non verbal and is now in much better humor.