Follow
Share

We moved my MIL from Florida to Michigan in October in 2023. I know for a fact that she was losing weight and always telling us how bad the food was there. Well she is 96 and in a nursing home. She has lost 11 lbs since we moved her in. And not one person caught this. I was asking every nurse and cna. I seen the menus for the next day and she was able to circle the items that she wants. She would circle tomato soup for lunch and dinner along with hot tea. Also maybe a pudding. She would get a few spoonfuls and say she has to watch her girlish figure. She wants to be a model. She can’t eat anymore. There have been so many reasons…. She ordered a hot dog with no bun and took one bite and said it’s too cold. I reported this to the nurse of the days ( each day that we go up there). I always asked about her weight. And they would she is about the same. Finally I asked the exact question….. how much did she weigh when we moved her in …. 129 they said. What does she weigh now. …118 they said. I said now how is this ok? They said oh a red flag should have been up. I said I have asked everyone in here. No one seemed to care. So I demanded a meeting with her doctor. Whom I have not met or spoke with yet. I have an appointment tomorrow to meet with him.



Since researching this. I am learning that 78% of elderly with this disease dies without treatment and people even realizing.



Any input from others?
Thank you.

Your MIL may be failing to thrive, at 96, rather than suffering from anorexia. Not to mention, what sort of "treatment" are you hoping for her to get for a condition that falls under an eating disorder, which is a mental health issue? Speak to her doctor about an appetite stimulant, perhaps, and bring her some food she misses eating. I know of no SNF that wins awards for their cooking.

Most elders at 96 eat a few bites of food a day and that's it. By the time my mother reached 95, she'd gone from eating like a lumberjack to pushing food around on her plate.

Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

She is 96.

Elders, approaching end of life, lose their drive both to eat, and to drink in the final stages of life.
That will not be what takes your mother, however, as these same elders (witness Joan Didion) can live weighing 76 pounds for quite some time.
What will take your mother is the normal aging process, which she is well progressed in at 96. Her heart, lungs, kidneys, brain are now 96 years old. To be blunt, they are worn out.

How long do you want your mother to live in her nursing home?
To age 100?
To age 110?
Forever?

Let us assume (and I do not BELIEVE) that you are right about your diagnosis? What would you choose to do at this point. Put down a feeding tube? Force food that will cause diarrhea and further wasting, infection and sores? Give her psychological counseling.

I think you are overly enmeshing here in the caregiving, and worrying too much about something that to be honest, in my opinion, seems to be going well. I would suggest you see a cognitive therapist or a licensed social worker in private practice (often best at counseling on life transitions) for a few sessions.

I wish you the best.
Meanwhile you have what sounds like a decent facility here, that is caring, and a relatively content mother, who is not expressing hunger or a wish for more sustenance or different sustenance.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Your mother is 96. Stop obsessing over her eating habits.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to olddude
Report

No doubt her weight should be monitored in a managed care setting. But also be aware that appetite often declines naturally with advanced age. Both my parents ate less and less after a lifetime of healthy appetites. Plus as people move around less, they have less need of food. Your mom will not be forced to eat in a nursing home, nor should she be. She may be on a new path with food now
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
ElizabethAR37 Feb 17, 2024
Yes, possibly a new path. . .what's happening may be a form of VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking). To me, that would be totally understandable at 96 Y/O. (I'm 87 and it could be a future consideration for me depending on circumstances. My old body and I have NO desire to be around at 96!) IMO, very old/ill/debilitated elders may, perhaps unconsciously, employ that method when they are simply "done". Tempting/favorite foods can be offered, but if there is no interest, that may be the new path.

In this case Mom appears to have an ongoing interest in living and doing (visits to the casino at 96!). VSED may not apply in this situation; however, I think it may when very old, debilitated people refuse food.
(3)
Report
My husbands grandmother was skin and bones and looked like a walking skeleton and thought she looked great for her age (I think she was 90). She would make a can of soup last for 2 or more days.

At 96 your mother is not going to be treated and cured if she does have anorexia. It is a complicated disease that takes a lot of therapy to try and treat and cure - if that is in fact what your mother has. Her comments about wanting to be a model and having to watch her figure could be cognitive decline or an eating disorder.

How was her eating when she was younger? Has she always been prone to eating little to nothing or is this something new? If it is something new it may be that she is not really hungry - though in your comments she says the food tastes bad. Have you brought her food she wants to eat and does she eat it? If she won't eat anything - even food she likes then she may very well have disordered eating.

But what can you do about it if she does have an eating disorder at 96 years old? Bring her to therapy? Would she even agree to go?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to sp196902
Report

My mom was obsessed with her weight. She got on the scale daily. She was like your mom and never wanted to lose her ‘girlish’ figure. When her doctor told her not to lose any more weight, she ignored it.

It got worse as she aged. She lost her appetite and barely ate. Somehow, she lived to be 95 years old.

I understand how you feel. My mother was skin and bones.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

Mom moved into an AL in August. Soon after she lost 5lbs. Right after the first of the year, another 5 lbs. 10lbs in 5 months. She had graves desease and was on medication that should have put weight on her. I told the nurse that by continuing to lose meant her meds needed adjusting. I was told she ate well. Was also told that if over 5 lbs are lost, a nutritionist is brought in but she was counting only the loss since the first of the month. So before you except that weight loss at 96 is OK, have labs run. No, the aides can't force her to eat but they can coax her. Maybe you will need to be there for a meal. Ask if Ensure can be given to her. Me, I let it freeze till its the thickness of a milkshake. Really good.

If labs say everything is normal, and you witness how she eats, then chalk it up to age and a sedentary life.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
MiaMoor May 12, 2024
Hi JoAnn,
My mum used to have Aymes and now has nualtra Foodlink Complete. These are powder sachets that you mix with milk. They are a lot thicker than the readymade bottles of ForteSip or Ensure. They also taste better (smell better!).
My mum has never liked milkshake and we couldn't get her to drink the readymade bottles, but she will drink the ones that are freshly made with the powder sachets and 100 ml (I think that's 4 fl oz) of milk.

You could try those and see if they're better. They contain all the same nutrients, proteins and calories.
(0)
Report
I think several of our newer members would benefit from reading this article.

https://www.todaysgeriatricmedicine.com/archive/JA22p14.shtml

It can be hard to change our focus as end of life nears because it goes against everything we've done and believed up until then. We've spent our lives encouraging ill loved ones to eat to "keep up their strength" and devote time and energy creating food that we hope will tempt them - food often equals nurture and love.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cwillie
Report
MiaMoor May 12, 2024
100%
(0)
Report
My 95-year old mother who suffers with dimentia lost a lot of weight since she didn't have much of an appetite (5 ft. 5", 80 lbs). She has been with hospice since November and in December they gave her a pill for people with anorexia. That increased her appetite and she has gained about 15 pounds. I'm not at her place to see the name of the med. She's a very picky eater now compared to what she used to be. In addition to her meals I keep cookies around for snacks which each has 125 calories and give her Ensure complete (350 calories with 30 grams of protein).
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Nina149
Report

Blackmonlori819: Eating just soup "for lunch and dinner?" cannot sustain nourishment and/or add pounds. Bear in mind that she is 96 and appetites decrease with age.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter