Yesterday, on my 2 hour break from caregiving, I did a Target run. While there, I picked up some turkey and chicken breast for MIL's sandwiches. She's a picky eater and I knew she would like these. While in line, a shopper 2 people in front of me is having a problem. The person in front of me leaves and I social distance from the problem shopper. Now the person behind me instructs me to put my stuff on the conveyor belt to "get the checker to get moving" (her words). I saw that the problem was coming to an end so I put my stuff up. As the checker is scanning my stuff, the person behind me sees the lunchmeat and starts in on me "Do you know how much salt is in those!" I look at her and say "I don't care. She'll eat it" I turn back to the checker. Now noisy Karen, "Well, I hope she doesn't have a heart attack and end up on life support!" I've about had it as I said this is my 2 hour window of contentment. I look her square in the face and reply "That's not happening! She has a DNR! And if you would like to take care of her 24/7, you're more than welcome!" She looked at me and stood back. Bye, Karen!
And before anyone else gets in on me, when we got MIL last year from her "living" situation, she was being starved to death. She has put on 50 pounds, get her meds as she should, has clean clothes and bed to sleep in, is taken out weekly to dinner. I don't think a little lunchmeat is doing any harm.
Meanwhile, I only get 4 hours off a week, have given up all my freetime and let's not even talk about romance.
Sorry for the rant but I know you all would understand.
Have a nice day! LOL!
Sometimes you just have to let it rip.
After a certain age I think it is ok to let the healthful eating to go by the wayside. My mom is 88 but she still get the V8 with low sodium.
Nothing to do with caregiving - i used to have a job working on the road and was only home every other weekend for the weekend. I was returning the rental car heading home for the weekend and for some reason the rental car company wouldn't let anyone check out at the car return and sent everyone to the counter - just think all those waiting to get their planes out on a Friday afternoon having to wait in line. I didn't move fast enough when an opening at the counter came up and some man yelled at me to get a move on - I was verrrry perimenopausal at the time - stressed out because I had a flight home for just the weekend - I yelled back at him to "BACK OFF!"
BTW I have been a cashier/checker in a grocery store and fabric shop. Grocery store first; there was a crochety woman who used to frequent the grocery store. I seemed to get stuck at the 10 items or less line too often and at lunch time workers in the area would stop by for lunch items and of course line up the the 10 items or less line. Evidently I was too slow and the crochety old broad would yell at me from somewhere in the line. Of course early on it'd rattle me and I'd become all thumbs. Everyone in the store - esp mngt would go into hiding when she came in and everyone was always relieved when she'd yell she'd never come to the store again - it meant a few weeks of peace until the other stores made her mad and she eventually show up.
Later when at a fabric store there was a convention going on that the store participated in - it meant we were short handed at the store and a major sale was going on - I was the only cashier. I greeted each customer with "hello" and punched away and got them out as fast as I could - the line was huge - as one customer started getting antsy and complaining. One of the customers told him to shut up she was moving fast and being efficient.
I know i ramble
Foolish people simply make fast assumptions and do not even attempt to think about how other people live.
I remember how judgmental I used to be of parents before I had children. I thought I knew everything. How bloody wrong I was! Now I have to frequently remind my friends who don’t have kids (who think they know better) just how very hard it is. As I’m also now a caregiver to my MIL, they STILL think they know everything and are constantly giving me “advice”, but meanwhile they don’t have to live it so they don’t truly understand.
Stupid is as stupid talks, that Karen.
You handled it like a pro.
To the others about the "Karen" comment, calm down. She was an out and out b**ch, okay? Feel better?
She has gotten unaware of such things. I saw a woman approaching who meant to get through. I turned to mom and asked her to move out of the aisle a little (she was on a motor cart). The woman looked at me as if I had just slapped mom across the face. Scowling, she said that mom was fine, and to “leave her alone”. She continued to scowl at me as she moved past.
i don’t know about your situation, but my mom is still “teachable”. She just needs reminders, and, as long as she is “teachable” I aim to teach her! It’s part of my job as a caregiver. This was mom’s once per month outing to one of the few places that is accessible to her and which offers motorized carts in our small town.
She goes off to shop on her own which she loves. For two hours or so, she can be who she used to be: a shopper! An “independent” woman! Carefree!
JUST IN CASE, these reminders may help in her small adventure, when she’s navigating out there for small treasures. I wish it to be pleasant for her, and not have some yahoo say to her “get out of the way ya old b****”! But I don’t need, either, to hear assumptions and judgments intended to make ME feel like a witch! Some folks just can’t get out of their own misery. Period.
Prioritizing regular time off for yourself can be challenging, but it’s important for you.
You're awesome!
I really think that the turkey (not chicken) would be the best item to slap Karen!
My father was one of the fussiest eaters on the planet. He salted everything to death and used a ton of sugar as well. Honey buns, donuts, 6 spoons of sugar in his coffee and tea. He was always thin and never had high blood pressure. We could never get him to try new things or eat healthy; lifetime smoker too. Towards the end he lived on soup and ice cream. He lived to age 96!
While this is about lunchmeat and salt, next time if / when you engage, it could be more serious - for all concerned.
We never know these days what 'activated' people will do (i.e., honk on your horn while driving, someone could get out of their car and pull out a gun . . . or ram into you by going in reverse). With political and Covid stressors on top of it - for everyone - and what you are handling, it would be in your best interest to reflect on how you respond in these types of triggering situations.
You need to 'pick your fights' as someone said to me decades ago.
Please find / create more 'down time' for yourself. You need it - to maintain your own health, well-being, and to continue to care for your loved one.
This isn't a LOL - as you conclude in your post. It is a cry for support / a need to learn how to calm down in triggering situations. Triggering others 'in your path,' whoever that may be may backfire in ways you cannot imagine, besides eroding your own equanimity and mental health.
How interesting in that several hear talk about the other person in line - the Trigger. What is missing is that they do not take into consideration how your stress / anxiety level is affecting YOU.
Gena / Touch Matters
No one knows what another person goes through. You're doing a wonderful job. Your MIL is blessed to have you!! (and the Turkey, ha, ha)
I know ONE Karen and she is a true KAREN. Just a total buttinski and has the answer to EVERYTHING. She has been a 'friend' for 50 years and thank goodness I don't have to see her often.
I can just hear that announcement "Cold cut brawl in the self checkout! All associates needed!"
I know I am over fighting with my mom, 85, over her diet and eating healthy. I don't need the drama and added stress.
If it is not delivered to her she has a neighbor or her sitter buy certain items for her.
Sounds to me you are doing a wonderful job caring for MIL and she is happy.
You need more time for yourself. Can you hire help?
We all much need breaks, its too much.