My "whine moment today." What's yours?

So true!

I think hereiam, that those people are more miserable and unhappy than most , that's why they want to try to make everyone else miserable

About bad people seemingly getting away with things:
"Just because we see them acting all powerful and fine in public doesn't mean they are peaceful and happy with themselves in private. You have to see the whole picture."

So I quit a job once, because the boss was sexually harassing me. Didn't feel like going through the bs of no one believing me. Didn't like the job anyways.

Anyways I got a jod as a caregiver, took one of my clients to the library, guess who was homeless sitting in the library. The boss 🤗 He got his karma. I honestly new he would.

Dear Sp, "In fact I have seen people who hurt people go on to have much success and protection from the universe and reap no consequences of their actions."

I like the reply I just saw of someone on the internet, about karma:

Perhaps right now. But Karma takes time and it's not over yet. :-).  And even if they're doing "better", they may have some things going on that you don't know about. Remember that you cannot know everything about someone's life.

Here I Am

I totally understand what you're saying. And you might be right. But you might be wrong.

I wrote, in reply to what you said, "many a truly evil person has certainly not gone on to reap the reward for hurting others."

Maybe it only seems like that ----- in this life.
It depends also on one's view of what happens after this life.

Here I Am

@hereiam I know that for sure. I have living proof, right now that karma does not exist. It is only natural to think that good people will somehow come out on top in this world when people intentionally harm them BUT that is the exception not the rule in this universe. In fact I have seen people who hurt people go on to have much success and protection from the universe and reap no consequences of their actions.

Dear Sp, I understand your skepticism. And maybe you're right. After all, none of us are omniscient and know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the universe. But, you might also be wrong. There might indeed be karma. I believe it.

"many a truly evil person has certainly not gone on to reap the reward for hurting others."

We don't know that for sure, Sp.
Maybe it only seems like that, in this life.
Maybe, not everything is as it seems.

The universe, life, is quite mysterious.
After all, if karma would so obviously exist, no one would dare to behave badly, and bad people would never reveal their true nature.

Here I Am

Sorry at @hereiam there is no such thing as karma. It's a nice concept in theory but many a truly evil person has certainly not gone on the reap the reward for hurting others.

Not revenge.
I believe in karma.

I saw Venting’s quote, “You can’t do ugly things to people and expect to live a beautiful life.”

I totally agree, and I think it happens naturally. Karma happens naturally.

No one did anything against me, so the post isn’t about me. They did something to a friend of mine. Even the courts will go against what they did. It’s not revenge. Courts are not in the business of revenge. Bad acts have consequences. Through the law. And through karma.

Cwillie:
Yes, any case of unexpected death at home is a coroner's case. However that will be VERY short and sweet in the case of a 90 year old. Almost always is. A trip to the medical examiner, autopsy, and likely listed as accidental death. I am sorry about this loss. It seems none were present, and likely they will be offered a simple cremation; it will just be determined who is the next of kin, who wishes to be listed administrator of the estate if no will is extant.
A good long life and one lived at home.

Here I am,
I am sorry to see you harbor feeling of revenge against someone. They old saying goes something about "When you seek revenge dig two graves" and it is so right. This level of anger destroys not the other person, but ourselves and it eats us from the inside out.
I recommend you seek help from a few visits to a cognitive therapist. It's normal to feel anger; it isn't normal to hang on to it over time.

Good luck Anxietynacy!
My post has nothing to do with my sister, nor with caring for her.

Sometimes here, we share our thoughts that have nothing to do with caregiving. I tried to make it clear in my post, by saying it’s not about my sister.

It’s about some people who do very bad things to other people, and who therefore deserve bad things to happen to them.

Hereiam, you are understandable burnt out, and desperately need a break and answers how to get more help with your sister. My burnt out moment was the second time I drove home from moms , not caring if I lived.

Now I'm on this incredible journey, of self help. Please get some counseling, you are not the first or the last

Here I am.

I'm a man, taking care of my elderly sister. Haven't been online for a long time. I need to get something off my chest. It's not about my sister.

Have you ever wished for the destruction of someone? I have. Here I am (yup, that's my name!), right now wishing for it.

Some people really deserve it. I wish for their utter destruction, and I don't mean death. That's too easy. I mean, alive but suffering. Some people seriously deserve it. I have certain people in mind.

I woke up this morning, with this strong thought. Never happened to me before. I don't normally wake up like that. The thought: destroy, destruction, I wish for their destruction, they deserve it.

Please don't misunderstand: I'm not going to do anything. I just wish it.

Golden, all I really know about her is she was a bad alcoholic, her husband didn't want anything to do with her , dumped her at a family owned farm , so they could claim ownership. Didn't work, sence she died, wasn't much left of the family farm house after she died anyways. I don't think anyone but the doctor new much about her health. And the doctor said on the phone that she was surprised she lived as long as she did

Luckily she died, and then hours later the furnace ran out of oil, she wasn't found for at least 3 days. But it's was cold inside. So that was good

eva - chilly here too but no snow so far.

cw - I'm so sorry about your sis's mil and the lack of planning. I guess there aren't a ton of choices now.

nacy -seems strange as she was so young but she must have been ill.

I'm so sorry Willie, 😔, my husband was asked to check on his sister in law, a few years ago, because she wasn't answering the phone.
She was passed , but the police called her doctor, the doctor said no reason to investigate, the doctor wasn't surprised, so there was no investigation, even though she was in her late 60s .

Eva, I'm so sorry, we are having the best day in the North East today. It will come. I was getting really down about the weather last weekend, cold and damp

Sister just called, her MIL was found dead a short while ago and unfortunately it has to be investigated as an unexpected death in the home. Sis sounded really rattled (thank goodness she wasn't the one who found her) and of course although the woman was in her 90's the family have made zero plans for this eventuality.

How come nobody is whining anymore?
My whine today, it is snowing again and cold outside.

@waytomisery

She's dipping into some of her CDs, part of her IRA, and part of her checking accounts to pay for it. She sold some land she's had forever to a long distant relative for $90,000. She has signed the various paperwork with the realtor agency that's selling the house. Her realtor has brought some paperwork to our house and others have been emailed to her for her to e-sign.

She hasn't been to a doctor in over 5 years and the only pills she takes are eye vitamins, a Centrum vitamin, a Vitamin D tablet, and every few days, a magnesium tablet. Before Covid, I did lift her into my car whenever she needed to go somewhere.

Barring anything crazy happening at the last minute, I technically will have my first job with the completion of the house purchase. Mom decided that it will be in my name and it will be a way for me to get revenue via someone staying there and paying rent. Because of that, I can put "landlord" on my resume. Even though the caregiving nightmare is still ongoing, at least I can say I'm employed. At least, to a degree.

I wish my mother would eat. Guess because she only gets out of her chair to go to the bathroom, is never hungry…well except for when she sits and eats a half container of ice cream! 😡. I am tired of trying to make her eat a little more healthy to feel better. Quite frankly, my sisters and I give up, if all she wants is junk, let her have it! I only buy healthy snacks, ice cream once in a while when she asks. But she apparently doesn’t care. Neither do I at this point.

Blickbob,
I don't remember details about your mom, but offhand it sounds to me like you should consider resigning your POA and have nothing to do with this woman's finances, imho. It is too difficult to tell if she is competent or not competent, and if a court hasn't said she is incompetent and fully put your POA into effect, you sure should be buying/selling or doing anything of importance with it. This sort of uncertainty can end in the courts with all sorts of accusations including fraud and elder abuse.

No bank is going to put up with this sort of thing. Once POA is withdrawn, short of conservatorship, I doubt anyone will ever have any control or ability to help with accounts. Banks dont play games with these things. They are legally liable to their client's protection. Her withdrawal of POA will serve a a massive warning bell.

Just let her handle her own affairs and stay out of it would be my advice.

blickbob,
Your whole life is a cringe moment.

You SHOULD tell your mother you can not help her any longer , and that she’s a paranoid mental case and needs therapy .

How is she managing to buy the house next door when she can not get out of the house to go to settlement ?

How does she get to the doctor for refills for meds? Do you lift her into the car ?

If she is managing the business of this house purchase on her own , she can manage to contact agencies and hire her own caregivers and you should leave and get a job .

She may be past the point of PT doing any good , btw.

Get a job . Leave and call APS . Stop enabling her . And get yourself a therapist too .

Maybe more of a cringe moment.

My mom wants to contact one of the banks and have them remove the copy of the POA they made when I stopped by to get a cashier's check lined up for her earlier today. It's one of two that will be used to purchase the house next door to us in a few days. Luckily, my CD wasn't touched amidst all of this and had it been, that would've been the last straw and she would've done a whole lot more than pay me back the massive chunk that would've had to have been taken out.

She's afraid something nefarious might happen and it might get changed and doesn't trust anybody, citing a past experience with a former colleague of hers that took a couple of things from my grandmother's house while she was allowed to live there rent-free for a time. She compares it to giving someone a blank check and it could be used to take her to the cleaners. She wanted to get the POA set up so she could "avoid getting sick and run out of energy" while at the banks I had to go to in her place. Apparently, she thinks masks and gloves won't save her while she wants others to wear them and supported such policies when Covid was really running rampant.

I just told her that banks needs copies of POA paperwork in order for POAs to handle their loved ones bank-related matters without any issues and make the process easier. The current POA is only in regard to her bank accounts. She's gonna call the bank Monday and have the POA taken out of the system. She wants to "be cautious" and after I noted that scenarios might pop up where I would have to handle her bank matters in the future, she told me I won't have to go to the bank in question to handle her matters any time soon. Let's hope that's the case.

It was all I could do not to openly tell her "I hate your paranoia." When she goes, it'll be one of the things I won't miss about her. I almost wanted to ask her "so does this mean you'll do PT sometime soon?"

River: So sorry that you went through that. Hugs.💚

My 91 y/o mother in ALF and hospice is just so damn mean to me. She was never mean before dementia and I realize that it’s the dementia that causes it but I’m finding it hard to get myself over there to visit. Then the GUILT because I tell myself I should visit more often. She didn’t ask for this but neither did I.

River:
Your story is a nightmare.
I can only say yes to those antibiotics. I had to take them before my surgery to remove wisdom tooth with very ingrown (read old) roots.
I will say those infection going INTO THE BONE is unusual. And yours wasn't caught. And wow, life changing for certain. I can only say you must have had marvelous surgeons dealing with the ruination of jaw bone to have you coming out whole enough that this can only be recognized now by xray. So you had both the worst of care and the best, all in one fell swoop. I honestly cannot even imagine what you went through.
Now dealing with my second bout of breast cancer after a reprieve of 35 years from the first one I understand just how PTSD I actually AM. I mean the anxiety about doing this again had me literally rocking with anxiety on one appointment, and that was after one half of a 5 mg valium which usually has me feel nothing but bliss. I don't take stuff, so when I do it hits like a ton of bricks ordinarily.
I can't imagine what you went through.
Your warnings are soooooooo well taken.
I have an underlying Atrial Fib. And yup, anyone with any heart anything, and any major dental, get prophylactic antibiotics would be my recommend for certain.

River,

What an ordeal! I’m so sorry.

Dreadful experience, River. You are so right about the dangers of dental infections, I'm so glad you survived it all so well.