Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
I think I have finally figured out it doesn't necessarily mean you come from a bad family, a family of weirdos, mean folks, do gooders or whether it is a huge family or just a few, it ALWAYS seems to fall on ONE person to do it all...and I too HATE it when folks assume with their stupid "can't you get so and so to do it? " wth .....why heck no I can't ....if I could do you think I'd really be this po'd and crazy by now? My ultimate conclusion is that unless and until you have physically taken care of someone 24/7 who is totally bedfast you will NEVER understand the absolute and total insanity that frequents my soul. I am often ashamed at myself for feeling like such a worn out and utter failure and then at the same time, I KNOW without a doubt not one single one of the blasted bible thumping holier than thous that permeate my family would still be able to do this with as much grace or composure as I am...And I also know they would not have done it in the first place, but they sure would have stopped a long time ago.....I am also learning to not take it personally when Mama laughs at me at the most innapropriate times...yesterday, while changing her, I literally felt..and heard something pop in my shoulder...it hurt like hell. I screamed out and she just started laughing up a storm...I know that is normal with dementia..it used to make me angry, but I try to suck it up and go on..but if I am being honest I think it still makes me mad...why is that when i know she can't even help it........the other day, when I finally gave in to the dark side and just had to accept that for now I am not going to be that great to be around all the time, I kind of went off on social media and changed my normally happy go lucky personal picture to a picture of total darkness, except for a few stars...because that is where I am at right now...I feel totally alone...I know that God is around....it sure feels like sometimes He's kind of busy doing other stuff though....but one of my idiot high school friends who KNOWS my situation and who, by the way, bragged about how they were taking in her Dad, turned a den into a bedroom for him, on and on it went...and he is still of complete sound mind, able to go dancing at the local church social....took her all of one and a half months to put his ass in AL.....and they didn't have to stay home and be with him, just moved him in with them and in a month a half his butt was gone...and she would msg me about how fed up she was within two weeks of his being there....but her comment on my new profile picture was... "beautiful".....REALLY???? I was saying, without saying it...my soul at present is in a place of utter and complete darkness...and the bitch is saying "beautiful" stupid idiot....
(2)
Report

ASSA im off now for a walk and a coffee somewhere? its my escape! costing me a fortune in coffees but keeping me saine! its nice to meet normal people and have a normal conversation with strangers whove no idea what youre going through? i just put on my happy face and none knows the crap in your life!!
(0)
Report

mums in the middle of a dispute with her sister she wants to visit but mum dosnt want her to? im been dragged into it but dont want to know anymore. My aunt is nuttier than my mum and selfish the last time she visited last year she expected me to wait on her? i just want to stay under the duvet until its all over!
I can see my mums point so i snap and tell her "whats the problem if you dont want her to come then say so?" but mum just goes on and on and on about all the things my aunt has done to her in the past 70yrs? enough already!
I want to run naked out of here and just keep going until i find some peace! im now just wondering just how long more can i hang in here? my fortune teller said alot will be sorted by september? thats not far away BUT it feels like ten years away! my court case is in October so please god it goes my way and then i can finally start to make plans i am now just trying hard to concentrate on ME and getting fit again ive started cycling again and my legs are like bricks!! but i can feel a bit better fitness wise i just have to keep it up when im not out of breath after my ride ill now im getting there! its a hard job to look after a dementia patient its HARDER to look after yourself because you can get so depressed and lose motivation! i had a holiday to look forward to which helped so i got to keep going keep planning ahead more wkends away take up a hobby i may do spanish lessons anything to stop me cracking up? i went to the free courses board last week and the only thing available course wise was a forklift truck driver course PUT ME DOWN i said anything to get out of here and do something? HA! who knows maybe my future will be driving a forklift?? the woman looked at me funny? i said your not sexist are you i mean its ok for a woman to drive a forklift? yeh im losing it!!! cant wait to pick up boxes with my forklift! may come in handy here for picking up mums depends!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh god help us all!
(1)
Report

Assa! hang in there! ive just done my angel cards and it keeps coming up "show more compassion" i try i do really try but waking up everyday like "groundhog day" to constant moaning and negativity sucks your energy! i want my life back and to be around happy shiny people!!!!!
(1)
Report

So tired of everything... Tired of the whining, tired of effing waiting for Mom to get out of bathroom, get dressed, finish eating, forget making a decision!!! If I hear it's cold one more time! It's friggin July in Massachusetts!!! It's summer for God's sake...Moan, moan,moan, moan....

Dementia sux!!!!
(3)
Report

assholes on the roads are busy looking out for me . i WILL stick em in the fence if the forget about the buffer zone ..
this aint mine and ikes first rodeo ..
(2)
Report

Woohoo!! ive just won 4 euros on the lotto!! see not such a bad day! ah lifes not so bad!
(3)
Report

We know you were kidding! youve had your fair share of whining on here! id much rather be cramming stumps through a splitter all day than clean up things here! ah youre getting old and crabby you need LOVE and a good meal!!! have a great time in chicaggy as mum calls it! told her you were going and shes jealous she loved it there! and stay safe watch out for assholes on the roads! i always think "bike" when im driving but then im a good driver!!
(1)
Report

i was only kidding earlier . i guess youd have to cram stumps thru a log splitter all day , come home feeling youve been run thru a log splitter then sit down and crack open the whine thread to get the joke .
crappy joke i reckon .
you guys elbow deep in caring for crazy elders need to whine .
i wish everyone good luck and a better evening / weekend ..
(5)
Report

Susan ive read that they become afraid of water? its advised to run a luke warm bath for them and have all thier towels soap etc.....nearby so they know what they are doing? also the bath is not too full half fill it? ive tried this with mum and the first time she seemed happy that it was all organised for her? maybe give it a try? mum washes everyday at her sink and is bathing once a week so not too bad yet? but i am just honest with her when i tell her politely "you smell" she will go and have a bath! OK so then she comes down nice and clean with her depends hanging down her leg BUT shes had a bath lets not push it eh?
(0)
Report

apparently she has GREAT patience with MOM??????? maybe she should be waxed and put in a museum for the person who had the most patience with elders bully hoo hoo for her! shes put me in a bad mood hate these martyrs with no real dept and honesty Mmmmmm would i love my life back OR clean up pee and poop all day? Mmm thats a hard one oh what a terrible daughter i must be?
Sorry needed to rant really get pissed by this BS. Must be so great to have normal cutsie elders?????????wtf.
(0)
Report

kazzaa, some people don't realize we are not all the same age, with the same health, with the same cookie cutter elder parents.

I know I whine about driving my parents but I do have a reason to whine... I hate to drive.... I get panic attacks.... it makes me physically exhausted. That isn't the case with everyone else, we are all different with different levels of patience, different personalities, etc. I wish others would remember that.
(1)
Report

My whine is MAGGIE MARSHALL??????? who the hell is this witch? shes doing a great job with her mom bully for her she just told me to back off if im not looking after mum AS A GIFT? who are these a@#holes on here who think they are do-gooders and when we rant and cant cope we should all just run away and leave mum to family? boy did she piss me off but theres always a few on here isnt there? you know the martyrs who think we are bad people because we rant and are honest at not coping with living with a mad person? or maybe im mad? get really sick of these "holy joes" piss off and give some real advice and dont come on here and tell us HOW WELL youre coping with MOM! BS
(0)
Report

My whine is the usual tonight. The shower. So far this week, I've been able to keep her on the every other day shower schedule. Last week she went 5 days without one, and went round and round with her about it every day.

Come September, I am shelling out $800 to have the tub cut down so there's an opening for her to get in and out without having to step over the tub. And you better believe that every time she fights me on the shower, I am *going* to remind her that the tub was made accessible for a reason. I think if she had her way, she wouldn't shower until then. (sigh)
(1)
Report

Well my mums mum was very ill with kidney problems and died young so my mum being the eldest had to do it all from an early age so youd think shed understand but with the dementia they become self-centered she was never like this! she has no idea how much hard work she is its her constant moaning i cant take anymore it dosnt matter whats done for her she will have a moan BUT she was always that way the illness just made that worse!
(0)
Report

You're right, Kazzaa.... we do get advice from those who have never been a Caregiver.... even my parents give me advice, and they never cared for their own parents :P
(0)
Report

Well FF i suppose he comes from a fairly "normal" family and like alot i know people just assume its not badness its just people dont know how hard it is or what peoples situations are!
I get it all the time "well you cant do this alone where are your brothers and sisters surely they HAVE TO help? then im too embarrassed to tell them what a selfish family i have as its a small town and it would get around in no time and ive enough shit without people talking about what a lousy family i have and looking at me with pity!!
(0)
Report

When my significant other was asked to fly out of town, by his manager, for an extended period of time, he refused citing that he is helping me with my aging parents [92 and 96] who still live in their own home....

His manager said "can't other family members help?... how about their church?".

My whine is why do other people assume everyone comes from a large family of siblings and grown children who live in town? And why do they assume we or my parents belong to a church? Neither I nor my S/O have any of the above.
(1)
Report

Capn stop your "whining" we all work like two borrowed mules everyday 24/7 with no freedom!!
(1)
Report

Cap you might have worked like a borrowed mule today but your acting like an old crotchety one!!!!!
(2)
Report

hope22 I am so happy that you found a dentist to come. It's good to know that there are still good, honest and caring people around.
(1)
Report

Its the WHINING THREAD, cap, surely you're making a joke? Lol! I'm back in South Holland, btw, darn bully older bro sent me running home. Hard to stay with someone like him, who even looks at me like I am "less than." That's my whine.

And looloo, JessieBelle, I understand about the scams. Its a shame there isn't more regulation to prevent companies, mail order stuff, home improvement contractors, all of it, from targeting elderly. I find it telling that one of the biggest abusers of this sort of thing, at least in my house, is the AARP themselves! They send my dad monthly "renewal" notices and cards for "new memberships." My father tells me he has sent them money several times but they keep sending new cards, saying he needs to send money. Hm. It just doesn't look good when the AARP is engaging in this sort of predatory mailings, too.

I've signed this house's phone number up for "Do Not Call" list but there are still regular calls to try and sell home monitoring, home safety, call buttons - that sort of thing.
(0)
Report

i work like a borrowed mule all day , come home and have to listen to all this whining . maybe ill go find the cooking thread and tell em about my salami sandwiches . theyre not so dam downtrodden over there ..
(1)
Report

Well, be careful what you ask for...lol.....others on here have heard me whine about hospice. And I absolutely KNOW they are great about so many things, but as some of you know I finally changed providers, was soooooo excited as they roared in with all the bells and whistles and all the promises of what they were going to do....some of it did happen, right at the first, but now...has been almost an entire week and had a bathing aid one day this week (monday) although they had said they would be coming in the morning from now on, because that is what they promised...anywhooooo, the main thing that made me change providers was the seeming lack of concern over my Mama's dental issue, specifically the loose tooth, as it appears the broken one may not be an issue, nonetheless, they were "on top of it" "working on it".."getting it done"...long story short...no further than we were this time last week...in short, there is not a dentist in this small southern town who wants to deal with it, one even went so far as to say they did not think it would look good to have an elderly patient come in on a gurney...and besides they are covered up with their younger patients getting them ready for school...well...ok.....I have worried and worried that this tooth is going to come out during a time when I am not sitting right here and Mama will swallow it and choke to death....BUT today I remembered our old family dentist, who has now passed, but his son assumed his practice. I called his office for what reason I am not sure but I have to believe the angels were on Mama's side . We were talking and I had not even asked him, when suddenly he told me, "let me just come out to your home and see what I can do".....OMG.....this amazing professional is what I would have hoped most professionals would be but are far too often not anymore...so he is headed this way to see what he can do to help her before the weekend...and I only called him this morning...I am exhuberant... got Mama all changed and ready so after she can just take her afternoon nap....oh thank you Lord...this has been driving me out of my mind....
(2)
Report

JessieBelle -- scammers, don't get me started on scammers! We're lucky that nothing awful has happened yet, but they're EVERYWHERE. Several times a week in the mail, I rip up magazine subscription 'invoices' which aren't even invoices. Someone at the bank convinced my mother last week to open up a line of credit! I cancelled it the minute the letter arrived. Last year, another jerk salesman tried to sell my mom solar panels, plus financing. AND, I strongly suspect that the air conditioning company sold her a brand new unit ($$$) when she may well have not needed a new one, but I don't know that for sure. My mother's no longer online anymore, thank goodness for that, because she's received a few very tricky phishing emails that I had to re-read a few times to make sure they actually were scams. It's never ending, how vigilant we have to be.
(1)
Report

You do just that Me1000 !! :)))

Kaz... this will be my 3rd winter in Oregon. Every winter I swear that I am going to pack mom up and winter back in Florida. Sigh. So far that hasn't happened. Lack of sunshine just about kills me during the winter. Winters are the WORST!
(0)
Report

JeanetteB, your right :) We are all here for the same reason, and Im going to just jump in I guess and make myself at home everywhere here and try to help anyone I can.
(3)
Report

my whine is mum wont stop whining? getting sick of it! from the minute she gets up shes giving out, the usual crap cleaning lady didnt do this and that its so draining and hard to live with she is so bored with her life that all she can do is whine? you just cant make this woman happy and am done trying shes so negative it just sucks the life out of you. Im sure NORMAL people would be so happy to wake up to a clean house with everything done but NO not mum she has to whine,whine,whine am so pissed off with this! and rain is coming so summer may be over for us soon how depressing looking after mum was bearable in good sunshine as i was outside all the time and shes too hot to come out so i had a bit of peace! i will have to find an outlet a pilates class or something or i may not survive the winter here!
(2)
Report

I like this thread because it gives us a chance to vent about the little things that drive us crazy. I don't like to start a new thread about every little thing, so I usually don't write anything. I would clog up the board with all the things.

My whine today is about the air conditioning again. Mom closes off the vents, then complains about the house getting too hot in the afternoon. Surely we must need to replace the system! I know the system is working because it is freezing in my rooms with the open vents. So I open her vents. Then she turns off the air conditioner at night and closes her vents, so I wake up to a warm room. It is a never-ending quest to keep the temperature right here. She won't leave the vents and thermostat alone. If I covered the thermostat box, she would take a hammer to it, so that isn't a good idea. Besides, she could still close the vents.

Last week someone called about looking at our air conditioner. She made an appointment with him, even though our system is under contract. She didn't know who she made the appointment with, so I couldn't call to cancel. Fortunately, he called back to verify and I cancelled. I looked at the BBB complaints for the company and saw they were scammers. They offer a cheap cleaning deal, then tell old people their systems are bad and need to be replaced. The company called several more times to speak to my mother, not to me. I finally told the man do not call back again. I wonder how people live with themselves, sucking the life blood from the elderly. This scammer is the worst type of human on the planet.
(3)
Report

daughter 52 i haven't heard anyone complain about this thread. The beauty of it is that it is current and people whine about things that are happening today. Some other threads which follow a question someone asked. may be several years old and you don't realize it until you post your answer.
My whine today which is not at all important is that my husband won't use the phone when he needs to check on an appointment, he has to actually go to the Dr's office and ask!
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter