Hope you all don't mind but I need to get this off my chest and other friends know the situation.
"K" was an only child of "older" parents. Her Dad was in his 40s when she was born. By the time she came along, both parents were pretty much set in their ways. She married, had 2 sons, divorced. She worked to keep her home, which eventually she lost. She knew her house was in foreclosure but it seems she may have waited till the last minute to move out, losing some of her charished belongings. K has always had some kind of health problem so eventually, she was no longer able to work and retired. Her health issues became more and more. Diabetes and heart problems the worst and recently diagnosed with Parkinson's. She continued to live in an apartment that is not handicapped accessible. At one time I went over while she was in one of her rehab stays, and cleaned her apartment and set it up to be as accessible as possible. In 2013 I had the care of my infant grandson and later my Mom so I was not able to keep in touch as much. We did occasionally talk on the phone. Until, last April when I received an angry VM that had nothing to do with me. I tried to call her, her VM was FULL. I texted I had no idea what she was talking about, which she never responded to. But things have really changed for her where I feel sorry for her even though, if she had made different decisions, she would not be in a NH for the rest of her life.
First, K expects too much out of people. Her parents are deceased. One son is estranged. Why, because she made it clear she didn't care for his wife and she said this behind the wifes back to other people and it got back to the wife. The other son is her POA but he lives 2 hrs away and probably likes it that way. She has always felt that he should take her in. K has a problem with lying so never sure if what she is telling you is true or fabricated. So what could she have done to make her life better? Besides lying and losing friends because of it, she could have lowered her expectations. Come to the realization that she was on her own. Taken advantage of the resourses available. She would not apply for the Senior bussing. She has been out of food but will she get food stamps? If she had applied for Medicaid in home care, she may not be in a NH now. No, didn't want a stranger in her house. She was paying for a 2 bedroom apt that she didn't need the other room and complaining she didn't have money for meds. Eventually she moved to a 55 and up apt. Cheaper and handicapped accessible. She loved being able to leave her apt and go to the common area where she met other residents. So why did she not do this when the apts first opened. Her income was such, she could have taken advantage of the State prescription plan but no, I think she thought that was beneath her. Well, after 2 or 3 rehab stays since the holidays, she is now in a NH because no one wants the responsibility of caring for her. She now needs 24/ 7 care. In my opinion, if she had taken advantage of the resources available she would not be where she is.
She now has stomach cancer and was on chemo for it. But that caused sores in her stomach and she couldn't eat so there was a hospital stay where she got COVID. She survived that and is now back at the NH in quarantine. Her Cancer, hasn't been able to have Chemo but will be surprised if she survives it. I do feel sorry for her. Who at 71 with their mind wants to live in a NH. And may not have needed to if she had looked at things differently and got the help she needed to stay independent. And I am sure, when she looks at her circumstances, it's everyone else's fault not hers.
Thanks for reading.
I won't "walk away" because I think she is dying with stomach cancer. She was getting chemo but it caused sores in her stomach and she couldn't hold food or drink down. That hospital stay was where she contracted COVID and survived with all her health problems. Even with Chemo I doubt if she will survive the Cancer. But then she survived COVID.
I just wrote this to vent but also maybe for members to read to those stubborn parents that refuse to put their ducks in order and take advantage of what is out there to help them stay independent. They could end up in a NH that was not their choice.