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I'm sure some of you have read the continuting saga of this dysfunctional family I have.

Last December my mother hit me, and told me she was going to take me out of her trust. We had a huge fight. I lost my patience, and my temper at that time.

I am an only child. I "was" due to inherit approximatley one million dollars from my mothers trust.

My cousin is the executor of my mothers estate. This cousin is also a membr of my mothers cult religion.

My cousin was just here these last few days and is leaving today to go home to Oregon. While he was here because of the distrubing news regarding what my step-dad did (please read previous posts); he wanted to go see mom's attorney and see if there was a way that he could become the trustee of her trust while she is still alive. Before he went to see the attorney, my mother's power of attorney called me and told me she wanted me to come over to her home and read my mothers trust. She felt I was putting too much trust in my cousin who is the Executor of her trust once she dies. My mother and I have not had a good relationship over the years and I had finally come to the conclusion that we would never have a good relationship. Ok, so that being the case then I wan NEVER TO SEE, OR KNOW WHAT IS IN HER TRUST. So, of course I flew over to this womans home to read what was in the trust. Moms original will stated that I am to get 70% of her trust, my two children will get 15%, and mom's cult church will get 15%.

Ok, now some background before I go on. When my mother had her trust drawn up in 2015 my cousin took her to see the attorney. About two weeks after she did this my mother told me that she was upset with my cousin because he had tried to talk her into giving me only 50% of her trust, then the grandchildren 15%, then the neices and nephews 20%, and the church 15%. My mother said that this made her angry at my cousin, and that she told him in no way would she do that to me. I actually documented this conversation with my mother.

Ok, now, apparently back in Decembr of 2017, my cousin was here and mom wanted to make some minor changes to her trust, so he took her down to see the attorney. Well, when I was asked to go over to my mothers Power of Attorneys the other day and read her trust and all amendments to that trust I found the latest amendment which was dated this past December when my cousin took mom to see her attorney to make some minor changes to her trust. Well, when I read that amendment I almost fell off of the chair when the amendment dropped me down to getting 50%, the grandchildren 15%, THE NIECES AND NEPHEWS getting 20%, and the church getting 15%!!!

Ok, I know this gets complicated, but bear with me. My mother is now in a home with dementia. She comes in and out of her dementia. On Monday this week my mother called the Power of Attorney because she wanted to talk to her. So the Power of Attorney went to see her. My mother told her that she wanted her to take her down to the attorneys office BECAUSE she wanted to amend her trust BACK TO THE ORIGINAL TRUST where I am to receive 70% of the trust. My mother told her that my cousin, in December, had talked her into changing her trust and she didn't think that was right. Mom told the power of attorney that this latest amendment was not fair to me.

So, the Power of Attorney on Monday took mom to see her attorney. Now, this is what happened. The attorney "told' my mother that this whole trust had become such a mess that he didn't want mom to change anything, and to leave it AS IS !!! So, my mother left it as is. I thought an attorney was not supposed to "tell" someone what that someone should do !!!!!

When I read this latest amendment to the trust, I almost went through the roof !!!! Also, when mom's Power of Attorney told me what happened on Monday I just lost it!!!!!

I am not a rich person at all !!! I am on social security and trust me it is not much and I struggle all of the time with it. I will admit that after finding out " what was in the original trust I did think that this much money could most definately secure my future.

I came here soley to help take care of my mother, AND SHE HAS DONE THIS TO ME!!!!

Here, I do all of this stuff for my Step-dad who is a jerk, and I do a lot of stuff for my mother even though she is in a home and this is my thanks.

I told the Power of Attorney of my mothers trust that my mother could have "demanded" to the attorney to change back her trust to the original trust, AND IF HE DIDN'T CHANGE IT, then she could have threatened him that she would seek another attorney to do this for her. I know my mother is tighter than the bark on a tree. The Power of Attorney told me that my mother would not pay another attorney $3,000 to do another trust. So, basically I'm not even worth $3,000 to my mother to get this trust changed. I am her only heir left and she had done this to me. Right now I'm so angry that I just want to move away !!!!

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Original poster here:

I did go see an attorney regarding this issue. He told me that because my cousin is the Executor of her estate after she dies, and he talked my mother into cutting me down to 50%, and making sure he as well as the other cousins get more money that my mothers own grandchildren......that this actually is a conflict of interest in my cousin doing this. He said that basically my only recourse is to wait till my mothers death, then contest the will, which could tie things up for years. I plan on doing just that.
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You're so hurt. You need a good cry....in Mom's arms. You need to know what you mean to mom. Not by her money, but in her heart.
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Wait a minute. Remember when your cousin originally tried to get Mom to cut you and grands lower? Mom was appalled! She came right to you and told you. She also saw through cousins scheme.

However, you said yourself she comes in and out of dementia. Some days are good some are bad.

He manipulated her! Don't blame her entirely. Cousin could have even said stuff like how desperate the neices, nephews and church is. He could have said you're getting plenty of money and your kids can come to you if need be.

Who knows what he said, but HE did it. Dementia is a bear! Someone playing mind games only needs a few minutes to confuse them.


Whatever mom was thinking at that moment, 1) she wasn't and isnt herself  anymore and 2) she regretted right away.

You're assuming a lot about Mom's thinking....go talk to her.

Give her a break, she's not herself. Most of the blame lies with cousin cut throat.
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I know that hurt. That hurt from your mother who is *supposed* to have natural inclinations of love and tenderness towards her own child, but who glories in demeaning the child repeatedly, and if there's an outside audience, glories in it even more. In 1993, I chose to walk away from my inheritance rather than put up with the abuse. No amount of money can reimburse me for my stolen childhood.

I believe the attorney said leave the trust alone because he felt 1) she was not of sound mind (easily challenged if the person is currently living in a memory care or nursing home unless there's been a really recent neuropsychological exam), and 2) she was under undue influence because her POA or whoever brought her to his office.

I'm thinking you are getting the better end of the deal with 50% of the original 1M than a chance at 100% of the 50% left after the lawyers get done fighting when a new trust is challenged. If you want to change your behavior towards mom because of the difference, fine, but it sounds like she regrets having dropped you to a lower number. I'd give her some credit for that regret, though it may be a show.
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Original poster here. It actually is not totally about the money. It is more about the fact that obviously my mother wanted to hurt me and my children. My mother could go get another attorney and have another trust made up but she won't pay the $3,000 to get it done. Am I not worth more than $3,000 to her??? I am her ONLY child!! I have two children who love their grandmother dearly and she is leaving more money to her nieces and nephews that to her own grandchildren!! Something stinks here ! I'm sorry, but this has really hurt !!
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Willienme,
You moved your whole world to that area to be by Mother's side, to care for her as best you can, so do that.

Listen, forget the stupid fight. You've had them before and probably will again, nothing new.

So mom went overboard, she's sick in her brain. Forgive her.

Go to your mom. Be with her.

Here's the thing. Mom regrets cutting you and her grandkids
Lower. She must have been thinking a lot about it. She tried to change it back.

 Remember that she tried to change it AFTER the fight!

Your cousin is a fraud. A scammer. He charmed your mom and robbed you and your children. Don't let him win!

I believe you and your mom can fix this and your relationship. So your personalities don't click, big deal! There's obviously a lot of love there. Love is an action word too. She wants you to have the bulk of her estate. You moved your entire life to be with and help her....All that is LOVE. 💕

I also think it was a sh*tty move on the POAs part. Yeah she let you know, but swore you to secrecy?!!? No, that's BS! And she knows it!

Get over the fight and go be with your mom. YOU TWO can work this out. Without all this outside interference.
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Hun, I’m going to say this the nicest way possible.

When we focus on inheritances or what we will get when our LO dies, we often become bitter and resentful because things don’t always go our way. Our intentions toward our LO is muddled by greed and disappointment.

What if your mother were poor? Would you refuse to care for her? Becoming a caregiver goes way beyond a payout.

I only say this because you are so unhappy and miserable. Don’t let the actions of others ruin your happiness or your life. Find your own way with or without your mother’s money.

Hugs
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Heres my comment to the Labs4me. My mother is already in a home. My mother has abourt 10 homes she owns free and clear and these homes are being rented. Her cost at the nursing home is covered by her rental income.
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if this is a Revocable Trust and your mother needs to be put into a nursing home soon due to her pending dementia, there may be no money left in that trust for anyone to inherit. Dementia can last for a long time before death occurs. Those years of private pay will dwindle that trust by about a hundred thousand dollars a year. In ten years it will be gone, unless you plan on being her 24/7 caregiver until her death.
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I know you probably dont have the funds , but i think you and the Power of Attorney should have a talk with the lawyer doing this. Arent you suppose to be " of sound mind"? If she has a Dementia diagnosis she should be able to make changes ..unless the POA approves
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I will not ever get over this. The anger and rage I feel is more than I've ever had for anyone. To think that my mothers nieces and nephews will get more money than my two children, my mothers only grandchildren, just sends me into tommorowland!! I live across the street from my mothers home. I moved here soley to help care for her and this is the way she has treated me!!! I really am goinig to consider leaving the area and never return!!! I am not one that could just sit back, keeping my mouth shut, not saying a word to my mother or my step dad about how I know what she did to me. I could not be that kind of person. Yet, the person who gave me this information and also had me read my mothers trust swore me to secrecy....so there I am. I will stay here and think on this until Sept 1st at least. Then I will give my 30 day notice to move. Have no idea where I will go and where the money will come from to leave, but I will never return here!
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Let's face it this cousin is a slim ball who will go to any ends for his own gain.
All I can say is make sure no one can make any other other changes and at least your 1/2 mil is secure
I also see the dirty fingers of the cult in this. Wonder what coz has been promised if his family comes up with some cash.
I might also have a quiet talk with the police.
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Willienme, if your mother was at the time easily confused and the cousin's input into the meeting - whatever he did or didn't say or do - had the result that he and his family suddenly got a lot more money, I would guess that you have pretty solid grounds to challenge this new will. It was clearly inappropriate for a potential beneficiary to have any influence over your mother's discussions with her attorney; and if she couldn't make the changes without his help then she wasn't competent to make the changes. Put it to the POA that this is the point that needs addressing.

I wasn't going to say anything, and even if you replace the numbers with abc...xyz I can still see why you're angry and hurt and upset. Only... You must see that being left with "just" half a million... I'm sure there are an awful lot of caregivers out there who wish they had your troubles, in this respect at least. Have a thought for them. It doesn't mean you don't have every right to your feelings about how chaotic your mother has been about arrangements.
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OK, here goes. To the person that said I would be getrting 700K, no I will be getting 500K. When my mother had the trust originally made back in 2015 my cousin went with her to have this done. At that time my cousin told her that he wanted her to give money to all of the nieces and nephews as well as more money to the church, and some to charity. My mother became very angry with my cousin and told him NO !!! Now about a month after this incident, my mother is the one who told me this story. I immediately documented that conversation she had with me. Now, then, this past December my cousin takes my mother down to the attorney to make a minor change.....my mother did tell me she wanted my cousin to take her to the attorney. Well, apparently, knowing my mother gets really confused easily, my cousin was able to talk her into giving money to her nieces, nephews and more money to the church..........which she told me she didn't want to do back in 2015 !!!! This is very hurtful to me. My mother is leaving more money to her nieces and nephews than to the only two grandchildren she has !!!!!!
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No, the executor of the trust (cousin) and POA didn't go together. My wording did look that way thought.

I see what you're saying. Thank you. I sure hope Willienme can get it reverted back, or a new one drawn up. Not soley for the money, but on principal alone. Some people just can't be trusted.
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Unless the terms of the POA say different, the cousin with POA can't make changes to the principal's will.

But a person with dementia can make changes to her own will provided she is still able - say, on a really good day, which can happen in the earlier stages of Alzheimer's - to understand what she is doing and what the consequences will be; even if the person with POA normally acts for her.

So presumably, when the cousin went to the lawyer to make the amendments benefiting the cousin, mother was having a good day and the lawyer saw no reason to question her instructions. (Also - I don't think the POA was present on that occasion, was she?) This time, with a more complicated and apparently contradictory instruction, he did. Is what I'm guessing - it's not like any of us was a fly on the wall!
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Countrymouse,
You're mostly likely correct in assuming the lawyers motive. I thought of that too, but here's why I went the other way. Tell me if I'm wrong, so you can help me understand better.

Both, the executor of trust and POA brought Mother to the lawyer with them. If Mom was deemed incompetent, wouldnt these people be able to speak on her behalf without her being there? It seemed Mom had to be there to make her wishes known, no?

Or is that a grey area to be determined by the attorney at the time of the change request?
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Wow. I'd also be angry. So now instead of $1M, you will only be getting approximately $700,000? What do the nieces and nephews do for their aunt that they are more deserving than grandchildren? I take it your cousin is one of the nephews who will benefit?

This cousin, who is executor (successor trustee) of the trust can collect money for doing THAT, too, right?
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If the attorney was not satisfied that your mother was clear in her wishes, given that she has dementia, he acted correctly in suggesting that they leave things as they are. Put yourself in his shoes, behind his desk: your client, a little old lady who has already made changes before, is now in your office wanting to undo the changes but none too clear of what the terms were before, what they are now, what difference it makes, or what reasons prevail.

If in doubt, do nothing.

So that's what he did.

I think it might be more useful to go back a bit, asking the POA to deal with this, to when your cousin took your mother to see her attorney for the "minor adjustments." Minor adjustments which, curiously enough, resulted in major benefit for him. That little piece of footwork on his part has at least a whiff of undue influence to it; that might render this new will invalid (I'm only guessing, you need advice on all this), and in that case your mother will need to create a new one anyway.
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Oh dam, I would be spitting nails too!

All you can do is hope POA will call attorney and convince him, it's his job to abide by Mom's wishes! She should have stood up to him! Your financial future depends on a lawyers whims. And even if he does agree, you must then hope the POA is available when Mom is lucid. Oh boy, so sorry for this.

Keep pushing, I wouldn't let it go.
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