Update on Mom

Last time I posted, my mother was on 30 mg of Cymbalta & having some pretty bad side effects from it, thinking she lived with me & had to get to my house somehow. She has moderate dementia and lives in Memory Care. The PA lowered her dose down to 20 mg because the positive effects were good........she was sleeping better & the neuropathy pain in her legs was quite a bit better.

Fast forward 2 weeks. She is still acting 'odd' and last night's phone call was a real doozie. She had fallen *once again* the night before and required the assistance of the male night nurse in the main building to get her back to an upright position. She didn't get hurt, but did get a small skin tear on her arm. We are up to 42 falls now with no trips to the ER, believe it or not. Anyway, last night she is crying and yelling about wanting to die. NOW. That I need to pray for her to die and that I'm obviously not praying HARD enough for her to die because she's still alive. Wants to know what makes me think she LIKES it there in that 'little room with all the shitheads' she has to live with, meaning the other residents. Her language is foul (which it is normally, but nowadays it's MORE foul) and her attitude flat out sucks. When DH & I visited on Tuesday, she made a strange comment. She said a new caregiver is 'so sweet' and would like my mother to live with her!! I'm like Oh Yeah Right. I looked at DH & he looked at me. She said, "What's wrong with that? It's not like I'll be moving in with her or anything, but she wants me to." She made the statement with a smug attitude. Also said she is having trouble 'getting the g-damned Depends pulled up' which is also ODD b/c she has help doing that...........

I'm thinking she's STILL on the kick that she was living with me, or needs to be living with me, or is living with me and somehow I've 'stuck' her in the Memory Care ALF where she's been for over 5 years now. It's just a bit more subdued than it was when she was on the higher dose. Also delusions that she is capable of doing more than she really is.........

Anyway, the phone call was horrendous. It went on for 20 minutes of her hollering about needing to die. Being SO tired and so sad and miserable, and asking me if I wanted her to be at peace and happy? I told her that's ALL I've ever wanted for her, but something I can't seem to help her achieve. That it's a no-win situation for ALL of us, not just her.

But mother can't see past the tip of her own nose & understand that all this BS is hard on ME. What's the difference, right? It's all about her. Always was and always will be. Yet she tells everyone else how happy she is at the Memory Care & all is well, blah blah. A liar to boot, making the situation even MORE difficult to manage!!

I will speak to the PA yet again this Tuesday & recommend my mother be taken OFF Cymbalta ENTIRELY so we can see if this horrendous behavior improves or if this is her new norm (please God, say it isn't so).

She doesn't qualify for hospice at 190 lbs; still eats like a trucker. Dementia hasn't declined enough, etc. Even though the MC Nurse thought hospice would be a great idea b/c mother would LOVE the one-on-one attention, it's not to be.

I'm just at a loss, again, about how to deal with all of this. Anybody out there can relate? Any suggestions? I can't even run away to a foreign country due to ............I am not even gonna say it.