I have been working with a client who has Dementia. She is 79 years old and is pretty independent in basic needs. However, she isn’t able to make appropriate decisions in regards to money. ( In her earlier years, she was very organized and handled the family’s finances.) Since I started working for her, a year ago, the family and I felt it was best for her to have a Power of Attorney - because she would, continuously send checks to scams that came in the mail and even scammers that called her on the phone.
So, she now doesn’t have access to her checks and all her mail is going to a P.O. Box. I, as one of her caretakers, try not to bring her to the bank - which is something that my client did almost daily. In the days I don’t take her; my client gets furious with me! Telling me that I get paid to take her to the bank. During these moments; I remain calm and speak to her gently. Typically it takes about an hour for her to settle down. My client is also furious that all of mail doesn’t come to her house. She is still lucid at times and questions why the mail carriers can’t bring her mail up to her door instead of to a P.O. Box.
What is the best way to handle this when she is so mad?? I am not able to take her anywhere without her complaining to everyone at the bank and Post Office about what’s happening. She, currently, believes that her family is out to get her.
What should I do? Sometimes when I try to deflect or change the subject it makes my client even more mad. Any suggestions, please?
Could you tell her she already went to rhe bank that week and all her bills are paid up? Or the bank is closed due to covid? Or give her old checks that aren't associated with a bank any more. Let her fill them out and pretend to mail. I don't know if you could find fake checks online and print out.
What about saving up some some junk mail and putting it in her mailbox but hide the address.
There was a daughter on Next Door who asked if we could send her 95 yr old mother Christmas cards. She was used to getting them in her younger yrs and was disappointed she doesnt get them any more. People sent nice notes and cards. She is up to 185 and counting now. People are still sending them. The mom was thrilled. And enjoyed setting them up on a table to admire them all. Maybe you can do something like that. She gets to focus on something positive. Or get a cheap box of diff Christmas cards and put them 1 at a time in her mailbox. Not sure if she will notice no stamp. Get her to focus on that.
Id tell her if it's Friday, remember we went on Monday to the bank. They are closed now. All bills paid and up to date. Your very good about keeping up with them. It's lunch time, what are we doing for lunch. That kitchen sink needs a good shine, wanna help. It's laundry time, I got some new downy. Wanna help fold? Good luck.
I don’t think she would believe me if I told her the bank is changing it’s hours. I will try that, tough. Thanks!
If she gets furious and starts telling you that your job is to take her to the bank tell her the truth. That she doesn't decide what your job is, your agency does. Then explain that the family (name them by name) gave you specific orders not to take her to the bank and if you do, you'll get in trouble with your agency. You will too because if the family told you not to take her to the bank, they will report you to your supervisor if you do.
When she starts up about the mail not coming to her house, tell her the truth on that too. Explain that her family (name them by name) is having her mail redirected to a P.O. box and that they sort it out for her to pay all of her bills.
Don't lie to her. Don't try to distract and deflect. Tell her the truth. You do not have to deal with her being furious at you. You didn't make these decisions for her. Her family did. Let them take the heat for it, not you.
I will try your suggestions of naming family members and that they requested me not to take her to those places. Then brace for the tantrum…
Ask family and friends to send her letters and cards throughout the year as their Christmas gifts to her.
What if you brought junk mail to her and said you picked it up on the way in. Would that relieve some of her anxiety about loosing control of that aspect?
As far as trying to deflect sometimes it works sometimes not so much. Maybe tell her that it is out of your control as well and you understand her frustration and she should discuss it with family.
I would probably avoid the places that upset her, the bank and post office. Would she get upset if you took her to a totally different bank, a different branch and use the drive through. Same with the post office, go to a different one or just use the outside postal box to mail items.
not taking her because they are triggers. I bring her all of her personal mail
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