Dads 94, lives in home, sibs and I take turns spending nights. He goes to bed, up a couple hours later, we send to bed, he's up again, gets dressed (if we don't catch him first), wants to sleep in recliner. He doesn't remember any of it. Thinks he slept in bed. Should we just let him roam? Sleep in chair, even though he should be on Cpap? We have secured house so he can't get to basement for example. We know he's slipping mentally, however, keeping him home is goal; especially during pandemic mess. Is it worth it to hassle him?
There are many wonderful facilities available with trained professionals to care for your loved one. They also benefit from socialization with others their age and a schedule, as well as 24/7 care, meals, laundry, etc. You can visit them as family, not their caregiver and enjoy time with them in small doses - better for everyone.
If your loved one has lived 90+ years and may have lost their spouse, they’ve lived a good life and may even express their desire to join loved ones in Heaven.
I believe in making sure my Dad (Mom passed away in 2019 after 75 years of marriage) who is 98, is happy and cared for - he lives in a senior community in Independent Living ( he moved back to IL after my Mom passed, as they lived in AL for her care.)
It’s like raising kids again...pick your battles and realize what’s best for them and YOU. Dad wants chicken tenders for every dinner, insists on an alarm set for 4:30am, dozes throughout the day and is extremely regimented but if he’s happy, I’m happy and I can’t advise him on things just because I wouldn’t want it that way! It’s his way of having some control of his life!
Hugs and prayers to all of you other caregivers/loved ones! It’s incredibly hard to watch your parents slip away, but it’s inevitable and you need to enjoy every minute with them without the stress to them and you of being responsible for their care.
just reading about the houdinis was frightening.
I got an alarm mat from amazon.
I had to place it beneath his sheet since he used any padding etc for a blanket. However... when he got out of bed or even off the mat ( it did slip a bit) I got an alarm.
an added nest camera allowed me to see what he was doing ( he left frequent “gifts” in unlikely places).
He was also unsteady and would not use a walker:
There are also mats for the floor beside the bed and other items most likely, but that worked for us.
I would worry about your dad messing with the stove or getting into things he should not, like cleaning supplies or medications. You probably have all that secured.
Don't take any chances.
If you can put a child proof door knob cover on the door knob that MIGHT keep him from getting out.
A friend told me of someone she knew that attached more door knobs to the door so that it would confuse her husband as to what one would open the door.
I have heard that a dark rug in front of the door may stop some from getting near the door but personally I had no area rugs in the house as they are a trip hazard as well ad difficult to get a walker, wheelchair or other equipment over.
Door alarms are also an option. Many stores have an infrared eye that will ring a bell or buzzer if someone walks through the door. Something like that might be good for his bedroom door so that you know when he leaves his room. (I am sure you sleep at night so this would alert you if you did doze off.)
I would also get a tracking device that he can not remove so that if he does get out he can be located easily.
The cpap is really important (makes sure he’s getting oxygen throughout the night, lack of oxygen can lead to further confusion), as long as he is tolerating it. if this is a new piece of equipment you could talk to his doctor about potential alternatives.
Sometimes we get caught up in doing things the way we believe they “should” or used to be done. I would suggest looking at the individual issues (sleeping in his recliner, etc) and thinking about if these behaviors really matter in the big picture. As long as he’s safe and healthy, trying to control too much may drive you and him nuts. 💕