My dad who is 96 and in Hospice care at home in NYC does not want to live anymore. He is in pain and has Cancer and many other problems. He won't take pain medicine as they make all his conditions worse. He keeps telling his doctors he wants to die but they won't help him. Not sure how I can help him with all this as he wants to fly somewhere so he can die in peace. I was checking online about states that have Death with Dignity laws but you need to be a resident. He keeps sending me emails to find a solution to his problem.
Then find out what pain medication he is taking. If it’s opioids, they are probably making him groggy, but shouldn’t make his condition worse. However if he wants to end his life, he should be able to save some over a few days and take them at once in a fatal dose. Best wishes to him and to you. An easy death for all of us, when our time comes.
Doesn't it make sense to use the meds to facilitate everything hurrying up and giving him his wish?
I would encourage hospice, not his doctor, to explain what the pain meds and antianxiety medications will do for him. If they won't and he is suffering, you need a new hospice. The whole point is to ease the transition. Get on the phone and tell them to do their jobs and not involve a doctor that obviously has no experience with death.
I am truly sorry that you both are facing such misery at the end of his life. I pray that he passes quickly and gets some pain relief in the interim. May God grant you peace and comfort during this time.
They are talking about palliative sedation now for him but his doctor did not want to talk about it. I know his days are full of suffering, but it not an easy decision and being a zombie on pain killers is not living. I am 6000 miles away so it's very hard to deal with this.
California does not require 2 doctors to declare you are of sound mind in order to use the right to die law. They do required you to be a resident and I don’t think there’s enough time to establish residency & obtain new doctors in any state that has a death with dignity law. California does require your primary/attending physician to diagnose you as terminally ill with an irreversible, incurable condition that will result in death within six months. Then you have to see a 2nd doctor that confirms the conditions and prognosis. IF either of those doctors thinks your ability to make decisions could be impaired, then you also have to see a mental health specialist.
https://coalitionccc.org/tools-resources/end-of-life-option-act/
I am sorry he is not accepting medication for comfort. Glad he is refusing other medications and having palliative care. It is amazing how our hearts keep pumping no matter our age and wishes and state of health so often. I am sorry he is going through this when all he wants now is peace. We have addicts keeling in the streets from fentanyl when they do not want to die at all, and many who do wish to have peace forced to live on against their wishes. It is quite sad.
Other than having the doctor write a prescription for your dad for pain and then your father "over dosing" there is not much of a choice. And if you or he mentions the intention while talking to the doctor you can be assured the doctor will not prescribe what might be a "lethal" dose. And at that point it would take several trips to the doctors office to get a quantity that would be lethal. (And he certainly would not want to take anything other than what would be fatal)
And how do you feel about this? I can imagine the worst case in that your father would take a dose not quite enough to end his life but take enough to make him comatose leaving you to or someone to care for him more than now.
Have you talked to Hospice about this? Have you talked to the Social Worker? The Chaplain? and the Nurse? And have other pain medications been tried that will help relieve pain but not make other problems worse?
I am so sorry he and you are going through this it must be heart wrenching!