Hello, this is my first post. After researching constantly for the past 2 weeks, I found this site. My dad went to the ER 3 months ago and got diagnosed with congestive heart failure and kidney failure, after being there for a month he got sent home and told to follow up with his cardiologist for more testing... due to COVID, the doctor didn't want him to come in yet because of his state and age, it wasn't safe. I believe he's starting to get symptoms of dementia. In the past 2 weeks, he's had rapid memory loss/extreme confusion (forgets to take meds, eat, drink water, basically forgets to do everything), it takes him about a minute to vocally answer any questions or responses. He has edema in his feet (they are worse than they were in the hospital for congestive heart failure, which is not good at all. He can't seem to get his balance (seems like he's leaning back to balance himself out, walking is not easy). Everytime his phone rings, he thinks it's his alarm going off and doesn't know how to answer the call. He refuses to believe anything is wrong and absolutely refuses to go to the hospital. He has diabetes and his BS levels are normally 180 or so and in the past 5 days, they have dropped down to 110's, which has never really happened to him before. I'm 23 and the only one in the surrounding states that can be with him so I'm scared of making him mad and him resenting me because he needs help. I'm looking into an emergency petition for medical help but that seems very complicated. Does anyone have an advice/leads/experience?
A little concerned about this post. He doesn't sound capable of answering the phone and certainly is not going to be capable of responding to any questions from the doctor. Is there any way you can be there for when the doctor calls? Even if you do not have POA, you CAN provide input during the call. No one should rely on your father taking/responding to this call! If you are there for the call, and IF your dad can understand enough and give permission to the doctor over the phone to allow him to discuss with you, that would be helpful.
Any severe symptom like chest pain, redness with that adema swelling, blue fingers/lips or your gut instinct that something is very wrong - call emergency service. They can advice you over the phone. Also if Dad falls, call them.
You don't have to face this alone - get professional help.
He may need to be medically assessed again very soon.
Any change in mental status should be reported to his doctor. Can you get him enrolled with the online portal at his doctor's website? If so, you can send info to them, plus, call and stress your concern. They may need to rule out things like UTI, decline in kidney function, medication reaction or something else. And, if it is dementia, figure out how you're going to continue providing care in the home, if that's your plan.
When seniors are resistant to care, refuse reasonable measures of treatment for their healthcare, etc. they aren't thinking clearly. Keeping people from becoming upset might not be possible. I'd start exploring options for his care, because it might be much more than you had anticipated if his mental and physical health are declining substantially.
I know you say that his Dr doesn't want him coming in right now because of that virus, but his Dr really needs to know what has been going on with him. Perhaps you can contact his Dr (via the patient portal) and share what has all been going on. His Dr could then perhaps set up an appt. at a Memory Center where your father could be tested for his memory issues. It makes me wonder if all of his other underlining issues are to contributing to his memory demise. These are all things you will need to get answers to.
Please make sure he is keeping his feet raised above his heart when he is sitting or lying down, to try to keep his edema at bay. Does his Dr have him on any kind of a water pill (lasix) for this issue? Also make sure he drinking plenty of water/fluids, as being dehydrated can cause confusion and a whole lot more issues as well, and since you said that he is pretty much forgetting to do the basics, I would actually probably start there.
It sounds like you really have your hands full, and that for now you are going to have to be the "parent" with your father. Do whatever you need to do. You don't want to have any regrets later. You are stronger than you know, and as all of us caregivers on this forum will tell you, we learn as we go, and we're here for you any time. Praying for God's wisdom and discernment for you in the days, weeks, and months ahead.