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So far he is doing a really good job of following the rules of the road. Im usually with him, but he has often left without me. When I realize that he has left, I just pray and put it in God's hand.
I want to encourage EVERYONE dealing with dementia or memory diagnosis from your health care provider to PLEASE read your auto insurance policy. They DO NOT cover any claims from accidents if the person driving has a diagnosis of dementia in their records, even the very beginning of the disease.
Our policy has this information buried pretty deep in the policy and it is very clear they have covered their responsibility for any liability in these situations.
This is how you stop someone that has been diagnosed from driving, you WILL LOSE EVERYTHING in the event of an accident, you have no insurance, even though you are paying the premiums.
You give very few details for context, so I'll assume you have witnessed unsafe driving on more than one occasion.
He needs to be stopped immediately. This means hiding the keys, disabling the car, etc. He will get angry but you tell him that if he thinks he's still a safe driver he will now need to prove it by taking a virtual driving assessment. This is done by making an appointment with his primary care doctor for this specific reason. The primary writes an order for the assessment through the clinic's OT dept.
He will take a written MoCA test (for executive function) and a physical reaction test. The OT will then review the results of this testing to him. For my Mom, the OT told her that she only got 16 of the 30 written questions correct (fail) and failed the reaction test. The OT told her this was considered high risk driver and that these results would be passed on to her primary doctor who is a mandated reporter. The primary reports the failure to the Dept of Public Safety, who will then cancel the license (but if comes in snail mail letter form so you'll still have to prevent his driving until then).
To lessen the blow of this loss, you may want to ramp up rides from family, friends, neighbors for a while. I did this for my Aunt, discretely asking people to offer rides her and then giving them gc's to my Aunt's favorite restaurants so that the errand was also a social outing. It helped a lot.
My Uncle wasn't stopped by his children and drive through a red light and was t-boned on his wife's side killing her instantly. Fortunately the other victimes were not seriously hurt.
NEVER let him drive you. Those days are over. Please know you have a mandate to do whatever it takes to keep him and others safe.
You suck it up and make sure he doesn’t drive again. If he threatens you, tell him to stop or you’ll call the police. Then if he threatens again, call them. (Advice I got from a lawyer years ago.)
No spouse should live in fear of the other. And fear of him should not be the reason that you don’t get him off the roads before he injures or kills you, him, or others.
You don't mention that your husband has dementia, but I'm guessing he does, as that is usually the main reason one should stop driving. I guess my question for you would be...would you rather he be angry at you for a bit or have to live with the fact that he killed an innocent family or person because you didn't speak up and prevent him from driving? So you need to either take his keys away, disable the car or have the car removed from your property to prevent something horrible happening while he is behind the wheel. And you can also have his doctor speak to him about it as well if you think he will listen better to him. But regardless, your husband MUST be kept off the roadways to keep all the rest of us safe. It's the least you can do.
You haven't answered any of our questions as to why your husband should not be driving. I'll assume he has dementia. Rather than leaving the outcome of a potential deadly accident in God's hands, disable his car or lose his keys. Put them in the freezer in tin foil where he'll never find them. As far as him throwing a fit, you cannot prevent that, but you'll likely be saving lives. I'd rather have my husband angry at me, wouldn't you?
You can get a small combination safe, that only you know the combination to, for the keys. Do not agree to go anywhere with him unless he lets you drive. If he gets angry, remind yourself it will be worse if he injures or kills himself, you, or someone else. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Stay strong. (If he gets so angry that you are afraid he will harm you, leave the situation.)
I got help from his Alzheimer’s doc and his PCP. The first gave him the standard cognitive test (think the Donald Trump test: woman man person camera TV). He got 17 out of 30 and the doctor told him he did poorly enough on the test that he should no longer drive for his and others’ safety because of poor reasoning. She noted it on his medical chart. From then on, when driving came up, I told him that he took a test and failed.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Our policy has this information buried pretty deep in the policy and it is very clear they have covered their responsibility for any liability in these situations.
This is how you stop someone that has been diagnosed from driving, you WILL LOSE EVERYTHING in the event of an accident, you have no insurance, even though you are paying the premiums.
Please READ your policies!
You can’t put it into God’s hands. What if he kills a child? An entire family? Then they come after your estate because he is at fault.
He needs to be stopped immediately. This means hiding the keys, disabling the car, etc. He will get angry but you tell him that if he thinks he's still a safe driver he will now need to prove it by taking a virtual driving assessment. This is done by making an appointment with his primary care doctor for this specific reason. The primary writes an order for the assessment through the clinic's OT dept.
He will take a written MoCA test (for executive function) and a physical reaction test. The OT will then review the results of this testing to him. For my Mom, the OT told her that she only got 16 of the 30 written questions correct (fail) and failed the reaction test. The OT told her this was considered high risk driver and that these results would be passed on to her primary doctor who is a mandated reporter. The primary reports the failure to the Dept of Public Safety, who will then cancel the license (but if comes in snail mail letter form so you'll still have to prevent his driving until then).
To lessen the blow of this loss, you may want to ramp up rides from family, friends, neighbors for a while. I did this for my Aunt, discretely asking people to offer rides her and then giving them gc's to my Aunt's favorite restaurants so that the errand was also a social outing. It helped a lot.
My Uncle wasn't stopped by his children and drive through a red light and was t-boned on his wife's side killing her instantly. Fortunately the other victimes were not seriously hurt.
NEVER let him drive you. Those days are over. Please know you have a mandate to do whatever it takes to keep him and others safe.
No spouse should live in fear of the other. And fear of him should not be the reason that you don’t get him off the roads before he injures or kills you, him, or others.
But actually it doesn’t matter the reason . If he is not safe driving without you than he’s not safe driving with you either .
He needs to stop driving entirely if you are putting it in God’s hands. It’s not fair to everyone else on the road.
Most men get angry over giving up driving . Hide the keys
I guess my question for you would be...would you rather he be angry at you for a bit or have to live with the fact that he killed an innocent family or person because you didn't speak up and prevent him from driving?
So you need to either take his keys away, disable the car or have the car removed from your property to prevent something horrible happening while he is behind the wheel.
And you can also have his doctor speak to him about it as well if you think he will listen better to him. But regardless, your husband MUST be kept off the roadways to keep all the rest of us safe. It's the least you can do.
❤️!
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