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My mother wakes up almost every morning at 3 a.m. and grabs a bowl of cereal or oatmeal and a cup of coffee. She then turns on the TV loudly and my room is right next door. She has a glass table so every time she puts the coffee cup down or the bowl I hear it. I am grouchy because I never get a full nights sleep. I just wonder if I can leave her alone for a night so I can go home and get some sleep!!!! She is also having strange embarrassing moments in front of guests. I just wonder how far along she is with her dementia. Any thoughts.

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It is a requirement that you get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night if you don’t want to die before your mom.

This must be a priority in your life.
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My MIL had dementia and I was the only one in the family brave enough to say it out loud. And I was not part of her caregiving team.

My DH would come home from a tough night with her and go off about how 'crazy' she was--I'd simply reply, "Hon, she's not crazy. She has dementia."

It was not until the kids finally had her assessed for placement in a ALF did they find out that they were all ignoring the obvious. She was not only demented, she was a 4+ level of care--meaning she couldn't even be alone for an hour, let alone live 'independently'.

She kicked up a huge fuss, as was expected and in the end, only lasted 8 days at the ALF. Sadly, due to their lack of knowledge and refusal to look at the truth, she was probably far more miserable than she needed to be. Ignoring the dementia and just trying to placate her was awful.

I can't imagine that any family will want to help. You're going to have to find somewhere to place her where she can be safe and you can have your life back.
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Some advise to get someone else to come spend the night with mom. The problem is that you really need someone who will stay awake all night. Her behavior can vary from her routine, and if no one’s awake, she could walk out the door. She needs minding 24/7 now.
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I'm glad you found aging care roger, stick with us , will all help you figure it out.
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Put a placemat on the glass table . Hide the coffee pot and toaster etc , disable the stove top and oven . So she doesn’t burn the house down when you are sleeping .

Since it appears you technically do not live with your Mom, you can call the Local County Area of Aging for a needs assessment to be done . I did this with my mother who lived alone and like your mother had dementia and refused to go into a facility and thought she was independent . My mother would not go to the doctor either . The social worker from the Agency of Aging came and spoke with my mother and determined she was not safe living alone. It was determined that she needed 24/7 supervision . The social worker said my mother could not “ come up with a plan “ when she was given certain scenarios , like what to do in a fire , or the house flooded etc. They assisted in getting Mom placed in a facility .

When you call them tell them she lives alone and you can’t stay there anymore. If this does not work you could try APS . Again tell them she lives alone. Whatever you do , do not move in and make your Mom’s house your legal residence . Also do not move Mom in with you at your house. That would make it difficult to get her out of the home if you live together.

This is one way to get her removed and in a facility is by calling one of these I stated above and tell them that she lives alone and you don’t think she’s safe .

The other way., is if Mom ends up in the ER / hospital for some reason ask to talk to a social worker. Tell them the same thing she lives alone, you can’t be with her 24/7 and it’s an “ unsafe discharge “.

They will try to tell you to bring her home and promise help. But it won’t be enough , nor would it be overnight.
Just keep saying you can not care for her any longer and it’s an “ unsafe discharge “.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
Thank you soooo much for your input. I live in Salem and am just temporarily staying at her house. The SS guy this morning told her she is not safe alone or to drive. She got upset but she needs to realize she is not safe alone and I cannot do this anymore. I hate myself sometimes because I get so grouchy from lack of sleep and probably am rude to her. This is just a hard job that I did not expect at all. I guess you kind of go numb when put in a situation where the hospital says are you taking home or are we placing her and mom is crying. I should have had more sense but I love her and knew her home was her safe place.
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Roger, you should have your Mom assessed by a neuro-psyc MD. Ask her doc for a referral. That doctor will tell you whether her dementia is so far advanced that she can no longer be safely left alone. If she cannot there are larger questions here than just your sleep and nighttime issues. She may need to go into care. Because what about when you're shopping or gardening or doing chores outside the home? You likely cannot be with her 24/7.

Safety is especially an issue if there is any wandering, forgetting to turn off stoves, danger of putting the wrong thing in a microwave, fire safety, leaving water on and etc.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
Done all the above. I am searching for places right now but it will be a while so meanwhile till I figure things out, I'm in here trying to get answers.
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Can you get a good neighbor or family member to stay overnight? Dementia behavior can be unpredictable and she may just wonder outside or burn the house down. I wouldn't leave her alone.
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I think we need some more information on your moms , medical conditions and what not, has a doctor said she can't be left alone?
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Anxietynacy Apr 2, 2024
Is there a POA?
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This is your 3rd question to us today and now you do say mom has dementia!

No, of course you shouldn't leave her alone to get respite for yourself, not with dementia at play! Get her into a local Assisted Living facility for a week so you can get a break and know she's safe and well cared for at the same time.
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Hire an overnight caregiver. Or look into placing her in a facility.

You sound exhausted. You need to get some rest.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I'm working on it. Trying to figure out finances. I talked to the social service person today and we are trying options but mom refuses to cooperate. I hate forcing her to leave her house but probably will have to.
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You seem to be concerned about leaving her alone for the night. Are you afraid that she'll have a medical emergency during the night? Can you not get/pay someone to spend a night with her?
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I'm trying but have no family members that will help. It's just me. Mom lives in a small town and there are not many providers available.
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