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My 88 year old father who has advanced dementia has lived with my husband and I for almost 2 years now and one of the most difficult problems we face is his obsession with shaving. He has always been obsessed with his looks--wanting to look young, not wanting anyone to know his age, etc. It's strange now that he has forgotten absolutely everything about his past--he doesn't remember my mother at all who passed away 2 years ago nor anything else for 2 seconds but he remembers that he has just got to get the hair off his face and sometimes wants everything else shaved! I shave him in the morning with an electric razor and by late afternoon he is trying to rub the re-growth off with his hand and if I let him shave himself, he will shave until his face is bleeding. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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Experienced a similar situation, but with my 86 yo dementia mom. She was constantly picking at the (lack of estrogen?) hairs below her chin to point where it was always bruised. Showing her what it looked like didn't matter.
Caregiver always shaved it, but mom said she still "felt something". Think it might have been an anxiety thing too, we tried lotion but didn't help.
Dr. Increased anxiety meds & it finally helped.
Best of luck to you.
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Maybe a sensory issue- maybe beard growth through dry skin feels strange- try lotions on face and/or ask dr to assess, he may need a mild anxiety med.
How about an elect razor with heads removed, a regular razor with no blade.'
Do a quick afternoon shave on him, then give him the fake razor if her persists.
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I've tried interspersing a "male facial day" every week or so. I'm terrible with shaving. Exfoliating seems to help. My dad is still able to use the electric razor, and I promise to touch up, if needed. Of course, none of this makes sense to me, as he is really wearing a mask all the time, as he is cold! The pandemic situation, and his physical deterioration has made it impossible to get him out for this type of haberdashery care.
The male facial day includes warm towels, my attempt at a shave, mustache trim, a masque, a face massage; eyebrows, nose hair and ear hair trim, age serum and a moisturizer. He was quite the great looking guy, and insists on the same appearance now.
He is still at the point where he can understand that the spa day is "next Saturday.
I agree with other posters that complimenting, supporting self grooming actions, and some simple moisturizer or after shave application can do a world of good. ( My dad can't smell the after shave anymore, so I think it is the " feeling " of the application, that does the most good)
I was going crazy, thinking I was the only one thinking I had a guy, who wants to look like a dandy, male model.
It's exhausting.
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If it's the stubble that is troubling him have you considered using a depilatory cream? Not sure how you would accomplish this but it might help with that irritation. A stylist told me that shaving makes a flat sharp end when it grows out. Natural hair growth, waxing, and depilatories create a thin, tapered end. If you have ever had a lip wax you know that the hairs regrowing are soft, not sharp.
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glendanc: Imho, perhaps your father is stuck on this type of repetitive nature and you could redirect OR switch to a non electric razor with no blade.
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Besides "faux razors" get him involved in applying aftershave or lotion to his face. What may feel like "stubble" may actually be dry skin.
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Good suggestions above.
I would also get him a good skin lotion/toner for after shaving to help his skin feel softer and to protect it from all the shaving.
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Sometimes an electric razor never shaves close enough to get the stubble away. Ask your husband if he could shave him with not water and shaving cream in the AM, and see if that helps. And if he has a after shave that he likes, makes him feel like new. I was lucky enough when my husband was on hospice at home, that they shaved him for me. Hope that works out. He's lucky he has you to care for him. Keep up the good work.
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My dad liked the Venus razor. I used it because I was always nicking my ankles or knees. Surprise, it was good on wrinkled faces and gave a smooth shave. See if that works.
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It's as if his brain got stuck on SHAVING mode! It may stay this way, it may change suddenly, but of course you don't want his face to bleed.

Redirect! For some reason, my thought is to provide things with texture for him. A nubby pillow in his lap, for example. Something textural but safe. Is there a pet available, a dog or cat? I know sometimes a stuffed animal can sub in.

Silly putty. Toys that have a gel-like texture. A creamy aftershave?

Activities. Time for a walk. A snack.

I'm sorry, this all sounds so frustrating.
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FYI: Your father’s situation reflects obsessive compulsive behavior which patients of highly dementia usually develop. Please do not try break the behavior, just make it safe for him.
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Aliciaboots1 Aug 2021
My dad also is very concerned about ear hair. Were he easier to move, I'd go get laser treatment for him. So expensive, though.
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Maybe buy a second battery electric razor, but one that has a razor head that does not cut as much; like you see on advertised on tv. Just give him that one. Alternatively I would take out the blades from the existing razor and replace them with a foam or something similar then he could shave without cutting himself. My last suggestion is buy him a “toy” electric razor that does not cut.
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I know it would be a pain but could you shave him in the morning and in the evening; make a big fuss how handsome he is.

Good Luck.
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Aliciaboots1 Aug 2021
When I need to get inspired, I take a look at his High School, Army and Wedding photos. Male grooming was and is a big deal. Probably works for those of us taking care of our mom's, too. It is never ending though!
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As short term memory fades, so does the 'I already shaved today' reasoning. Also, the thought to start a task works but the stop button is now faulty.

I met a man like this when volunteering. Liked to look groomed, shirt pressed, shoes clean. Shaving! He would stand there shaving ALL DAY if you let him. I would have to put the shaver away out of sight - then showed him his comb. Hair combing! I could go do 10 other things & come back - still combing. Then I'd hide the comb & move him onto something else. Had to get his attention visually to shift his focus.

Try a comb? Least he can do that for longer without cutting himself.

Or if bald, a lint comb for his sleeve? I've seen people use these for ages too.
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Just as you might react to my attempts at applying your makeup, it is quite a personal preference thing.
Stubble can be irritating at the best of times, but follicles thicken with age and this could be even more uncomfortable.

Trying to shave someone with an electric razor may not adequately produce that silky smooth result (particularly with the ever increasing demands of the terrain!).
I find the extra effort (and pampering) of a blade used with aplomb will suffice once every few days with the electric device adequate for the intervening days.

Alternatively, your father might enjoy the services of a professional once or twice a month for a 'full treatment' (haircut, shave, manicure... wax??) - it may be more about feeling good than looking it (although one does presuppose the other, I guess).

You may want to consider a better shaver as good models (with sharp blades) rarely cause injury even when poorly handled. Supervision and setting time limits might save any compulsiveness, as well as gentle prompts if too much pressure seems to be being applied (as this is counterproductive and damages the device).

Failing all of the above, some well judged praise for how dignified he looks with a beard might sell the idea - longer beards become softer also.
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I would google search or call companies directly to ask for the most gentle electric razor they make...but that doesn't sound like it might work as he might be pressing down hard if he is making himself bleed....
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Get a razor with no blade and let him shave as much as he likes?
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2021
Debambler,

I was going to suggest the same thing!
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Give him a blade razor with the blade removed. If he complains about “stubble”insert the blade and tell him you’ll give him a “touch-up”.

It won’t entirely eliminate the problem but it WILL shorten the time you have to be involved a bit.
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