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My mom is in the moderate stage of dementia. She is 81 years old. She is in pretty good shape physically. She gets around very well for someone her age. Within the last four months, she has started flushing her Depends down the toilet in the middle of the night. By morning, she does not remember her actions and argues that someone is coming into the house messing up the plumbing on purpose. We have paid over $1,000 to unclog the line over the last 4 months. I asked the plumber if there was some type of screen or device that can be put in the toilet to stop the Depends from going down and he said no. When my siblings watch my mom overnight, they do no watch her closely when she goes to the restroom. I am at my wits end and am tired of paying plumbers to unclog the drain line. Any advice??

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If this only happens at night...
If she uses just 1 bathroom...
There are inserts you can put in the toilet, under the seat that will catch anything that goes in the toilet. (Think of a Top Hat inverted in the toilet, under the seat)
Even if she flushes noting will go down. In the morning you can empty the insert.
Another option would be a Commode, either near her bed or if she is getting up safely you could place it over the toilet and whatever she put in the commode would remain there until it was emptied.
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Maybe she doesn't like the idea of wearing Depends anymore. Have you tried thinking of going back to underwear? Not to sound stupid,, but what would happen? she leaks, and cannot get to restroom fast enough... I suppose.
Maybe try getting her to wear normal underwear, and put a commode next to her bed so, she can go to commode.. see if these changes her behavior.
Get some disposable chucks for the mattress will help too.
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My mom did not like her wheel chair anymore. We had it when she broke something.. It's been a few years now.. Anyway, she wanted it out, and just let go of it down the stairs. Put a hole in the wall... " I DIDN'T DO THAT !" yup mom, you did. Poor thing...
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Try the Abri Forms, I tink they actually pull wetness away, so it's not as moist.

Try feeding her earlier, and getting her fluids in aroung 5 ish, get her to potty around 8:30, and off to bed around 9 pm. Try a routine to see if that helps.

eating and drinking a few hours before bedtime, and getting her to restroom prior, may help....
Have her tested forUTI, or ask doc why she cannot hold bladder overnight. Maybe there is another cause for this..
Get a medical bed with rails, prescdribed by doc so she cannot get out of bed at night... ??
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I'd turn off the water to the toilet. She's obviously fixated on this ritual.

Sometimes when you try to changed it, you may find her taking her depends off in other places of the house and leaving them for you to clean up the mess.
I would rather fish it out of the toilet.

You could also try leaving a small opened trash can next to the toilet. My Mom finally started throwing hers there. Rituals change after time.

Hope this helps.

GOD BLESS!
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That must be frustrating :(
I'm with Mayday, I'd do exatctly what she says:

"Lock bathroom.. and put a portable commode by her bedside.. or tape down the toilet, put commode next to it"

I hope this will do the trick!
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MAYDAY Apr 2020
thank you. It may backfire... never know whats going on with those minds of theirs...
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Turn off the water to that toilet,,, down near the wall. turn that off.. inside hte top part of toilet... you may want to look online.. pull that big floating thing.. may help to stop the FLUSHING. so look online, or ask the plumber.

If you dismantle it properly.. then it may not flush...

Get her Abri Form Diapers. L4 seem to work great.. At least in our case... Seems to keep wetness out .. Look it up.
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Keep Faith, I think that mom will not like the onesies. If she has the wherewithal to use the bathroom and remove soiled depends she will not want to be sitting in a fouled one. Just my opinion.

I would find an alarm that woke the overnight caregiver up. That way they can ensure that she isn't flushing anything inappropriate. That is after all the point of having someone there, to avoid issues.

I would find a way to wake them up, because you don't want to retrain her to not use the toilet. Her brain is broken and she may just understand that she goes in the depends always and total incontinence is a different story all together.
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Dismantle the toilet so it cannot flush.. Is it just one toilet? If so, you are lucky.. put portable commode near it, and tell mom, plumber has to get new parts, it will be awhile, so in the meantime,,please use this commode... It is okay, mom, we will take care of it in the morning...
If you read one of these blogs on this forum, a mom decided to use the kitchen sink as her toilet.......How or why... not sure.... That family found that odd.. I believe most people on this forum thought so too.
I also heard about a person who thought the shower was the place to go......
What the brain can do sometimes...
DON'T GET MAD OR UPSET... THIS IS DEMENTIA/ALZ. It is not going to get better...It may not get worse,(most cases, yes), but it won't get better either.
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Lock bathroom.. and put a portable commode by her bedside.. or tape down the toilet, put commode next to it,,, or put a bucket in toilet, under the seat part and let her use it that way... Shut off the water valves, clear it of any water; dismantle the flushing mechanism inside the toilet, ... have the whole toilet removed, and put a portapotty in its place, and let her deal with that.

Honestly... This is hard... very hard.. she has dementia, and it's not going to be better. place a porta potty next to her or near the toilet...
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There seems to be quite a lot of implied criticism of these family caregivers not watching your mother closely during the night.

How is the night-time schedule working, though? What monitoring devices do they have to alert them when she gets up and moves around? What family members are these, anyway?
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Get an air mattress and sleep on the hallway floor blocking the entry to the bathroom door. Or perhaps put up a baby gate
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earlybird Apr 2020
Sorry, I think the daughter should be very careful sleeping on the floor in the hallway, mother might trip and two people could get hurt.
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Fire the caregiver relatives.
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Get your mother a bedside commode for use at night time, and put a bolt on the bathroom door (at the top edge) for when she forgets about the commode. You might also think about a pressure pad in her bed so that you know when she gets up, if you can bear being disturbed that often.

If you don't think she'll be able to use the commode (you could tell her the bathroom is out of order at night because of plumbing works, which is sort of true when you think about it): there are various types of cardboard insert that hospital EDs have for their commodes - you might find some that fit across ordinary lavatory pans, can't swear to it because I haven't checked, but I'd expect so.

Is this toilet en suite to her bedroom, or is it the shared family bathroom?

The trouble with a screen or device that would stop the Depends from going down becomes apparent when you think what does need to go down. Who are you volunteering for the job of sorting that problem out?!
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KeepFaith Apr 2020
Yes, the toilet is in her bedroom. We have recently resorted to locking that bathroom door and telling her it is broken. Although the caregivers (relatives) are there with her during the night, they use that time to sleep and not check on her. I am hoping that with mom having to go to the hallway bathroom, the night time caregiver will hear her stirring around and get up to assist.

I appreciate your response 🥰
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I like Early Birds solution. And at least she does take the dirty ones off.

I have to tell you though do not try to outsmart her without thinking about what else she might decide to do.

My aunt, 93, clogged her commode up. While we were waiting for the plumber we decided to turn the water off to the commode, close the bathroom door, put a shower bench in front of the door and a note. “please use the hall bath. This toilet is broken”.

On the camera she can be seen putting down her cane, LIFTING the shower bench out of her way (complete with note) opening the bathroom door and going into the bathroom to use the toilet. I ended up having to move her to the bedroom closer to the hall bath to get her to use that one while we waited for the plumber.

I, like you, was well over the $1,000 mark (doesn’t take many plumber visits). I went to Lowe’s and bought a commode that advertised it could flush a bucket of golf balls. It seemed problem solved.
However since the pandemic she must have been trying to get the plumber back out. Her bathing aide called to tell me the bathtub and commode were gurgling. After close investigation I figured out she was using up to a roll of TP a day. Large rolls.
I told her about it. I asked could she understand why she was using a roll a day? I explained it was hard to find TP and dangerous for us to go shopping for it. She hesitated maybe a nano second and asked “Am I the only one using this commode?”
Yes she is....

It seems she is doing better on it now but I’m not sure why or what the next issue will be. As far as I know the depends have never been flushed.
We do have a lined receptacle for the soiled one beside her commode and a fresh depends tucked on the towel bar within easy reach and she often does change during the night.

You have my sympathy.
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KeepFaith Apr 2020
HI There
So mom uses an entire roll of toilet tissue daily. Is that symptomatic of dementia patients. We have tried leaving small amounts of TP out, but then she will substitute with wash rags or towels at night. I keep explaining to the caregivers the importance of keeping eyes on mom at all times during the night

I appreciate your response 🥰
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Get her an anti strip Alzheimer's jumpsuit garment from Amazon. Dress her in it for bed, put a Depends on her with a doubler insert if necessary, and she won't be able to take it off if she gets up to use the bathroom at night. You can also put a commode next to her bedside, as earlybird has suggested, but there is no telling if she'll actually USE it.

You can also turn the water off to the toilet; if she tries flushing, nothing will happen. Make sure to flush the toilet again AFTER you shut the water valve off! The toilet will normally have 1 flush remaining once the water is turned off. You can retrieve the Depends out of the toilet in the morning. But at some point, the onesie is the real answer to nighttime shenanigans with dementia.

https://www.amazon.com/Talit-Inc-Womens-Alzheimers-Clothing/dp/B07NRSY32X/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2U2JVIBZZRTOY&dchild=1&keywords=alzheimers+clothing+-+alzheimer+anti-strip+jumpsuit&qid=1587674755&sprefix=alzheimers+anti+strip+%2Caps%2C195&sr=8-3

Good luck!
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KeepFaith Apr 2020
Good Evening
I have never heard of the onesie jumpsuit. I am willing to try almost anything. ~~ Mom will definitely not use the beside commode. She is pretty physically fit and will just push it aside in her quest to find a REAL toilet.

I appreciate you taking time to respond🥰
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Place a commode at her bedside and tell her toilet is not working. Pure and simple, Commode!!
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KeepFaith Apr 2020
Earlybird
Unfortunately mom will NOT use a bedside commode at this stage in her life. It may come to that someday.

I appreciate you taking time to help me 🥰
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