I am finding our helper increasingly doing less and less when she comes to help mom. She does bare minimum and even some of that I find myself helping her with. She no longer resembles an employee. At one point she even noted in our log that she feels like "family". I find myself taking back the laundry duties, etc. I can see my loneliness is part of the problem as I find myself talking to her, sharing things and I will most definitely cut back on that. Any feedback? cadams
You need to develop the habit of asking her to do things. Like..on the way out to run errands...."while I am gone will you change Mom's bed and get all her laundry and sheets into the wash"? Things like that.
When you think about it...it is sort of the same way you would ask your sister to do helpful chores if she came and visited for a day or so.
I also have "family like" help coming in. This is how I solve it.
Dad's two favorite caregivers were like family after a while, and I appreciated it. One caregiver had her retired hubby come over to chat with Dad to help give her time to do other things in the house. Dad enjoyed the chats. When Christmas came around, Easter, Thanksgiving, or Dad's birthday, the two caregivers always had something special for Dad, a gift or candy or homemade cookies, etc. Any time one caregiver went on a holiday trip, she always came back with something for my Dad, like a baseball cap :)
Mom's favorite caregiver is fairly lazy as well but I just try and overlook it - I'm sure she thinks she's irreplaceable and frankly I depend upon her
She just got lazier and lazier and I lived too far away to constantly supervise her.
I have judged myself as lazier at times - yet when I've seen some other aides, I have been appalled, for they brought so little - but often were the best at chatting with family or my company, and being the most respected.
I'd go by the reactions of the elder, the reactions you see when the caregiver arrives, or what you hear when they leave. That's not a 100% validation, for many elders have developed a habit of seeking reassurance by criticizing whoever is not in the room.
And some caregivers have learned how to act all cheerful when they arrive, so a forgetful elder brightens up to see them - but that same caregiver may neglect them through the day.
Maybe one thing to notice, if you hire someone, they are the ones involved, and the lists of chores are for you, while other work aspects are for the elder. Both needs are valid - yet there are times when the elder's needs change and evolve, and it matters to notice if a caregiver is able to shift gears when this happens, and that can be a good caregiver, even if some of your lists and chores are skipped.
Some successes are harder to see: I was fired for an arrogant attitude from a job, but I was the only aide who took as long as it took, to persuade the heavy woman with alzheimers, to actually get up for her shower - even it I was soaking wet often at the end of my time helping her in the shower. Other aides, just wrote "patient refused."
After I left, same patient developed major sores, because she was rarely having showers.
Some periodic questions and conversations - AND notes in an ongoing notebook left in the home - require those notes of all caregivers, for those notes provide the structure of their job, and also require that each arriving caregiver reads the prior caregiver's notes, and adapts their focus to areas indicated by prior caregivers.
Let her know, no shame, no blame, just time for change.
Perhaps she will will hear you, and if not, then it's time to let her go.
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