I have to make the arrangements for my father. My dad left a handwritten note saying he wanted to be cremated and maybe have a simple memorial service. I’m not sure if he wrote that during Covid, or not.
Other than myself, my husband & daughter, my mother (ex wife) and a couple of dad’s cousins (maybe), I don’t know who would come to a memorial service. Especially with Covid. You can’t hug, or shake hands, etc.
I haven’t lived in my dad’s town for decades and don’t know who his friends or acquaintances are. His 2 closest friends died before him. I’d be relying on the obituary bringing in some friends or acquaintances.
His ashes are to be buried in another town with the family plot at a later date. Is it lame to skip the local memorial and maybe have a smaller family service when his ashes are buried? I’m so tired from family drama plus his hospitalization I just can’t think straight any more.
I do not know if your dad had any military benefits, but you MUST notify Tri-Care of his death. Further if he had a military stipend--you **MUST** notify them of the death to stop payment because whatever they pay out after death they will want back. They eventually will find out. I am mentioning this now to save you heartache later. Now the funeral home is required to notify Social Security but I would call them just in case to stop payments immediately. The funeral home will only notify Social Security and that is it. NOTIFY THE BANK to help prevent fraud. Death is a huge mess! You also have to notify water and electric utilities. To add insult to injury, if they filed taxes, you have to do that too. A final one.
Social Security will not pay you a dime. You have to be their spouse or dependent child and they will send like $200 for help pay for the cost of funeral expenses.
Just to also let you know your father's debts are no longer your responsibility unless you co-signed something. So keep a copy of his death certificate. My mom owed a few thousand to the ambulance services because they charted incorrectly and I refused to pay anything so when she died years later they sent me a bill and I mailed them a photocopy of her death certificate and they stopped sending me bills. The fact they never got paid is their fault because of their irresponsible charting. So they can eat it up.
Money is for the living, and you are going to need a lot of it to settle his estate if he did not preplan those matters. It sounds like you were named the executrix of the Estate because POA ceases once they die. Put it another way--if family wants a memorial service, burial etc., ..let them pay for it.
The only thing that comforts me when my mom died is knowing her ordeal of life is over and is in a much better place, and the fact we all are going to die someday. So it will be out turn later.
Once a person dies, they are gone. What matters is how a person is treated when they are alive. I got my mom cremated without a service, because the "memorial service" is my unending love for her that I carry with me for the rest of my life.
My mom's ashes are in a cigar box that I bought on Amazon for $45. It is a humidor, very solid and high quality. Likewise my father in a similar box. Both in an antique cabinet in my home. I decorated the cabinet with flowers (artificial), and photos. You see a memorial need not cost you anything. What you carry inside of you is all that matters.
Sad even when one is dead, it's still expensive.
When mom died, we had a small funeral, with the expectation of doing a church memorial this spring, when hopefully everything opened back up. Well, things here really haven't improved, numbers wise, and the longer the time goes since she passed, the more I have been thinking that a full-on church service is unnecessary. We were really doing it more for my niece, since she was unable to fly in, and was hoping to get back East in the Spring, but again, I don't see that happening.
Whichever decision you make will be the "right" one, as long as you are reasonably sure you won't look back, beating yourself up afterwards.
And you have my deepest sympathies for your loss. (((hugs))))
Invite clergy if you desire but if you don’t wish to, you could read the 23rd psalm and a couple of his favorite scriptures.
You’re right in saying that Covid has changed everything.
The only other thing that I can think of is having a Zoom service.
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