He is lucky to eat 1,200 calories a day! He also sleeps a considerable part of the day and is awake a lot at night. He uses a walker and I sleep in the same room so I can hear when he is up, needs help in the bath room, etc. I don't get much sleep. To add to this he will talk and joke with others, but rarely speaks to me. I try and encourage him to talk to me, he will often only grunt or gesture to me! I am trying to get some respite for myself. I will see our elder care lawyer in May, as we don't qualify for Medicaid and I'm getting burnt out and becoming short with him more often!
I don't know how agreeable your husband is, - you say he is dismissive of you - but this is what I have done with my mother and it's made things much better.
(The only "meds" my mother takes is a thyroid pill, Milk of Magnesia for bowel movements, and a CBD gummy for calm.)
My mother was doing the 24-hour up-and-down routine, basically setting the schedule that I just went along with, because I thought well....she has dementia so this is how it is. Wrong. It came down to what is best for BOTH of us - for her to have the best care and for me to survive.
If my mother isn't already up for the day by 11 am, I get her up. If she doesn't want to get up too bad - it's time. This a dictatorship, not a democracy.
Then we go to the kitchen where she stays until bedtime around 6/6:30 pm when I've had enough.
During this time in the kitchen, she eats and drinks thereby getting enough calories and water. I fix her what she likes - toast, bacon, apple slices, ice cream, bananas, sandwiches, chips. It's pretty much the same thing every day but she eats quite a bit. I also hand her the water bottle during the day and she'll take a drink.
Being up also keeps her lungs clear.
During those afternoon hours when she is up, I have the sitter come in for a couple of hours so I can get out and run errands or cut the grass or just take a walk.
When she says she wants to go to bed, I tell her that we will go to bed at bedtime and it's not bedtime yet.
Before bed I give her one CBD gummy (no THC).
She will typically sleep until 4 or 5 am. If she does get up, it's only one time until morning when she will begin a waking cycle.
Maybe something here will give you some ideas about how to get a routine established with you and your husband so you can have a better living situation and get some sleep.
Peace.
He was complaining of weakness, and his b/p and pulse was spiking.
He has a touch of OCD and anxiety. You can actually use that for your loved one, on his behalf.
I learned over time, that if I cooked eggs, and he initially said no, he would want the eggs after I was done cooking mine. So I cooked enough for him. He ate.
Not wanting to waste food, I would leave 1/2 sandwich on my plate, and ask him to put it away for me in the fridge. He ate.
I left food out. He ate while putting it away. Often, there was none left to put away.
He has never refused a smoothie, so if I make it and put it in his favorite cup with a straw, he drinks it.
If he is expected to arrive home, and should be hungry, I put his food on a dish with a lid, and disappear. This prevents the long wait of prepping together, waiting to eat. He eats.
Meantime, I am on a break in the back, eating my lunch in peace.
His weight has stopped dropping, and his doctor declared him physically fit
this month.
I found that asking does not work with my guy. Leaving food for him to serve himself does not work. There are work-arounds. But I need to be aware.
Often, people take for granted the person who is caring for them. Find others to engage in a conversation with. Talk to us. We will listen. Phone a friend to talk.
My mother barely ate. I did start serving her food on small plates because she would complain that she couldn’t eat a lot in one sitting. Try that. I also made her smoothies. She liked those. Older people start losing their appetite. Mom was tiny!
I really hope that you can find some relief soon. Take care.
the person declining knows very well they are, and I experienced both mr and mrs riding the roller coaster of acceptance. It’s hard. Really hard for the caregivers.
get some help. You’ll get some sleep and some one to share the burden and talk to. You need it.
just remember to lock up all sentimental and valuables and get nanny cams. It goes with the territory. God bless
For respite I would take him to a facility for a few days at a time, do what you want during that time, enjoy you, you are entitled to have a life as well.
Sometimes we caregivers get too wound up in caring for our LO's we forget that in order to continue, we need to be at the top of our game, mentally & physically.
Unfortunately, there have been many incidents where the caregiver dies before the patient,
I hope that you have a backup plan in place if something happens to you.
Sending support your way,
I tried it and it worked.