My husband had a hemorraghic stroke 9 yrs ago.. He was very mobile at first but now has become completely deaf (he got a cochlear implant) but his balance is terrible. Stumbles and falls frequently and will only use a cane. He has several conditions with his eyes...some days he sees well others not so much. He is starting to have some short term memory moments. He also has kidney disease as a result of his kidneys shutting down immediately after his stroke.
We recently had a family get together. We brought our boat on a trailer behind our truck to the lake. I spoke with my husband before we went about maybe letting me drive since it tires him out so much and he agreed with no arguments. So the day we were about to head home I made the comment to my daughter that I hoped he would be ok with me driving home... My husband and I had not discussed it. But our 22-yr-old grandson heard me and screamed and me That I should let him drive his own damn freaking truck. I told him he had no idea what he was talking about & then his Mother (our daughter) jumped in the mix... I told them they don't live with us & really don't have a clue how we mange his care.
My husband and I have gotten into a good place about his driving... He usually asks me to drive when we go anywhere together. And he drives short distances to Walmart, Lowes, grocery, dry cleaners which are all within 1.5 miles of our house.
Apparently they have decided that I am the mean old woman and have forbidden him to drive... which I have never said or done... He has restricted his own driving, which was a huge blessing that I didn't have to bring up that topic. Which makes me know that he realizes his limitations and we have settled into a rhythm on the driving... for now. And now the whole blow up is my fault... Very disheartening when you are doing your very best and every waking moment is making sure all our ducks are in a row and to have someone lash out this way...
Thanks for letting me vent and any suggestions will be welcome. Thanks so much.
The issue is with the 22 year old's manners - plain and simple. On what's his business, the language he uses, his tone of voice, and lack of respect for his elders.
We almost lost 2 of our 3 children because of a selfish old man who had no business being behind the wheel.
Hope your husband doesn't kill anyone before he stops driving.
If you want, you an try “I’ll give your opinion some thought” (then forget it).
But if your husband would consider taking a driving assessment, maybe offered by AARP, you’d be in a better position to decide if he should be driving or maybe shouldn’t be.
If the vision issues are in any way progressive, a baseline evaluation may be useful for you for your (his) records, if nothing else.
Sounds like you and he are definitely attempting to take care of things in a straightforward way. Good for you both.
Hugs 🤗
What you and your husband do is none of his or his mother's business.
I do not tolerate disrespect and would not deal with them anymore. You do not need to deal with their abstract stupidity.
They offer no support so forget about them, they are toxic.
1. Why aren't you "letting" Bertha do "xyz?" Don't you care about her dignity?
2. Why are you "making" Bertha do "abc?" She shouldn't be doing THAT herself.
The answer to question #1 is always "Because we tried that and it's not safe for her to do that. I'm accountable if she gets hurt, so it's MY call."
The answer to question #2 is "Bertha is perfectly capable of performing that task and her doctor agrees."
Repeat as necessary. There were times when I provided additional details to assist with understanding and try to keep the peace, but you're not obligated to keep a non-caregiving person in the loop. They really don't know what they don't know.
I need to realize and accept what you are saying about them not understanding.....it was just such a shock because they had never said one word in all these years. Thanks again...hugs and prayers
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