maureeen Posted September 2012
We just put my mother into an assisted living last week. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my siblings want her to go back home.
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Catjohn22 Sep 2012
It sounds as though it would be very hard on your mother to make another move at this point. As it is, she has had to try to handle a lot of changes recently, which is very confusing and disturbing to someone with Alzheimer's. Moves are major stressors for all of us, and much more so for someone who doesn't understand what's going on. Stick to your guns and keep your mom where she is, as long as she is doing well. I would suggest that you and your sister make sure frequent, and unannounced visits, though, and make sure all her needs continue to be met well. My husband and I went through this recently with his parents, and ended up removing his mother from assisted living a few months after her husband died. She was not receiving the care she needed, although she was on a "memory care" floor of a lovely and expensive care facility. I gave up my job and we moved her and her furniture back to her house and I have been caring for her fulltime there, with some respite care assistance, for the past 18 months. She has been doing much better since then. If she had been doing well in AL, we would have been happy for her to have remained there for as long as possible, although she could not have afforded to stay much longer, as she did not have long term care insurance and, at 91 years of age, had little resources left with which to pay for care, and we would have had to move her to a Medicaid nursing home before now. It's not been easy for my husband and I, but we were committed to trying to provide her the best care we could, and, so far, this seems to be it. She will be 93 next month, and is still sleeping comfortably in her own bed at night and eating meals prepared with her food preferences in mind. She is dressed each day in her own familiar clothing, and lives, within reason, on her own schedule, sleeping when she's tired, eating when she's hungry. This seems to have worked for her much better than being in a NH, so far.
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Jam Sep 2012
You have my sympathy with everything you have been going through. Your sisters have already been told that Mom cannot live alone, why do they want to put her through the turmoil again? A little temporary improvement doesn't change the diagnosis and the fact that Mom's mental status will continue to decline. The time is probably right for them to educate themselves on Alzheimer's and to learn that it cannot be reversed no matter what type of therapy is used. Look at your POA and see how it is worded.....does it state you and your sister or does it say you first, then if you are unable or unwilling, then your sister is the decision maker? That may help you if it's the latter. I cannot imagine that your sisters would want Mom to go back to living alone and have the same thing happen again....and what makes them think it won't? Is the expense of the facility causing them to have second thoughts? Do you think your siblings might try to take Mom out when you aren't aware of it? You might have a talk with the administrator and tell her/him of your concerns and see if they would be willing to talk with your siblings again, call it an update meeting, and explain how much better Mom is doing now because of the constant care and supervision that she is getting, but that she cannot continue to improve if she is left alone again. Help them to see that this is the best situation for Mom. And make sure that as POA, the administrator understands that everything is to go through you. That way you won't be blindsided by siblings. Sending you hugs and angels and please post again to let us know how this turns out!!!!!!!!
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moonchild Sep 2012
you are right and they are wrong. fight. this disease does nothing but progress. left alone you mother will die. perhaps from not caring for herself, but more likely from a preventable accident. preventable if she lives in an ALF.
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