I assist in caring for my fiance's 94 year old gma. For background, in February she was diagnosed with CHF and Rectal Cancer. She was in the hospital a week and rehab facility for almost 2 months. She is home now and we are noticing increasing grumpiness and some confusion. she will take a nap, and wake up and ask who the kids were that she saw standing in the next room. no kids were there. I understand the tiredness, but she is just increasingly grumpy. She snaps at us for disturbing her..and then snaps if we dont talk to her enough. She is on Prozac for anxiety and I am wondering if we need to up the dosage or if this is just what we will be dealing with. the other day in her crankiness she told me to do what I wanted becuase she was dead anyway. I constantly feel like we can't do enough or we are on borrowed time. It's frustrating.
Eyerishlass- love the CD idea, but she isn't huge into music. She loves reading and puzzles (she's always been a bit antisocial). My fiance and I "compete" in helping her with puzzles. She gets a kick out of that at least. And her kindle is always charged/filled and ready for her.
And I empathize as much as possible- I can't imagine getting her diagnosis' and trying to continue on. And being able to feel myself deteriotate. I just want her to be comfortable and somewhat happy but it is really hard to help her with her grumpiness.
She is on Prozac for anxiety and I mentioned to my fiance about talking with her doc to see if we need to adjust the dosage.
Thanks for the feedback. This site has been great for me to see others in similar situations...though I don't see many situations like ours.
If I feel that others know how miserable I am, I cheer right up.
Like Eyerishlass I get grumpy when I have the sniffles. People around me have simply learned not to take it personally, thank goodness.
I like Eyerishlass' idea about the CD! "Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast" ....it can have a profound effect sometimes!
Juju - capn's got it absolutely right. Just like your quote about not being able to reason with unreasonable people...arguing requires logic - the ability to reason. Folks with dementia are no longer able to process things logically, so arguing with them is futile. May as well beat your head against a brick wall.
By questioning their reality are we the enemy???
just made me think of another quote I used to go to...."sometimes it is just better to smile and agree"
But maybe she's grumpy because she's 94 and sick with CHF and cancer. I get grumpy if I have a cold. I think the grumpiness is to be expected. Be kind to her as I know you will and don't take it personally. Try to cheer her up on occasion (not too much though, you don't want to annoy her). What are her favorite treats? Maybe get her something she enjoys to eat but doesn't have too often. At 94 she's just the right age to appreciate big band music. ITunes sells it for .99 a song. Maybe put a CD together with some big band music. I made a CD for my dad once and it brought tears to his eyes. That I would do that and from the memories the music brought back.
I think grandma's allowed to be grumpy but I think you and your fiancée can think of some ways to cheer her up.