I have been helping my father for over 8 years, as his diabetes started taking its toll on him. At the time, I was making good money and we lived well. I knew he was going to get worse, but I was willing to make the sacrifice as he made sacrifices for me too when I was younger.
My epilepsy came back in 2009, at the same time his health was getting worse and so I had to have brain surgery. At the same time, my license was revoked due to the seizures, and I lost my job as I was too much of an undue burden. I went on SSDI, making only 1/4 of what I was.
The big problem I have had is that, even though I had no license, I have to run all errands and handle all of the finances as my father put me as DPOA, financially and medically. All of the walking has resorted in a major overuse injury in my foot and I had to see an orthopedic foot specialist, where they found over 20 stress fractures. They tried a gel pad as I refused a cast due to the demands on me, it did not work, so I was put in a walking boot. The fractures healed slowly, as 2 would heal and 1 would develop and eventually they were better, but they came right back. I was told the next step was to fuse the toe and would be permanently in a special shoe. I have begged and pleaded with my siblings to help out somehow, even if one of them came out once a week, meaning each one came out every 3 weeks to give me some relief and to get a ride to get groceries, but they never do. My father is even worse now and wheelchair bound for life so the burden increased tenfold. It takes all I have to prevent from yelling but it is not his fault when he needs my help. I am in pain and have been having a breakdown and do not know what to do, I have even seeing a psych for help but it only helps a little and as soon as I walk in the house I am severely depressed.
Housework and yard work do take some effort, but I've come to accept that the house doesn't need to be as clean as I would like. And anything green in the yard I call grass, so I don't have to weed so much. There are all kinds of ways that you can make things easier on yourself if your father continues to stay there with you.
The other problem is that medicare will not cover much, and he just got out of swing bed care due to 2 major diabetic ulcers on his foot, and the only reason he left the hospital was because medicare would not cover any more.
I could feel your desperation as I read your post. Have you considered placing your dad in a nursing home? Sometimes it comes down to them or us. If it's down to either your dad or you who are you going to save?
I'm so sorry that your siblings won't help. Forget about them, you can't depend on them. I know that feeling of walking in the house and having the life sucked out of you. I want you to find a temporary respite as soon as you possibly can. Google 'temporary respite', then your city and state and go from there. And please, please come back here and let us know how you're doing.