Perhaps nice for small families with little children, but a minefield for many extended families, let alone the lonely.
‘Halloween’ (All Hallows Eve) in the religious calendar is for remembering the dead, the saints and martyrs – probably mixed up with the end of summer, harvest home, and pre-Christian festivals for those things too. Turning it into lollies and vandalism is not in anyone’s interests, certainly not for children, their behaviour, their teeth or their nutrition.
‘Thanksgiving’ was the Harvest Festival, when the Pilgrim Fathers had survived a summer with enough food to last through the winter. In a nation with serious obesity problems, a festival based on lots of food surely deserves a re-think.
‘Christmas’ is the time for celebrating the birth of Jesus. It has been overtaken by gift buying (and of course more food). If you actually read the New Testament, the three wise men who came from the East were not at the crib in Bethlehem with their presents. They went first to Herod, who sent them off to find the ‘young child’. When they didn’t return promptly, Herod ordered the slaughter of the innocents, all boys under two. An accurate celebration might mean waiting a couple of years to hand over gold, frankincense or myrrh, then manage a mass murder of toddlers. This stupid suggestion is no sillier than plastic trees, glass baubles, electric lights, heaps of parcels that are often unwanted, and lots of alcohol.
I think what I am suggesting is to walk away from ‘celebrations’ that cause more problems than pleasure, to know what we value and want to celebrate, and pick a good way for that to work. At a minimum, to stop feeling guilty if things don’t work out like a good old fashioned ‘leave it to Beaver’ way.
i do it from the goodness of my heart .
it aint even a tax deductible charity .
even the guy who would eat the dogs .
make up your friggin mind . is it cool that were all different or isnt it ? ..
:)>
Holidays have lost their true meaning over the years. Yes, all holidays represent something. Much of it is far too commercialized and has strayed from their original purpose.
It’s sad that so many are depressed and suicidal at this time of year. I have lost friends and family members to suicide and it is devastating. I would never criticize anyone with depression. I get down too. There are valid reasons for depression.
Holidays can be very meaningful in the community. We helped do prep work and served the homeless. We have our sections of the city where the homeless congregate.
I was never able to participate in holiday volunteering before because of caring for mom. It was nice to be able to pitch in this year with my husband and children.
The police have been leaving the homeless alone for the most part. We’ve had issues in the past but I have seen that as long as no problems arise they aren’t being chased off.
There have been several tents donated to them. My daughters and I buy feminine products at the drugstore nearby to bring to the women. Helping others has to be year round and not only during the holiday season. So many people live from paycheck to paycheck, so it very easy to become homeless if they are hit with unexpected expenses.
I did not cook! I took a break from cooking and our immediate family went out for a meal later in the day. We had evening reservations because we wanted to volunteer earlier.
I cooked for years and hosted obnoxious family members. When I stopped hosting dinners my immediate family was so glad. My husband and daughters hated all of the BS.
I cook all the time so there hasn’t been a shortage of good food in my home.
I think like everything in life it's how you perceive it. You could put five, ten, fifty, a thousand people in the middle of a Christmas card setting and they'd all see it differently. How we view the world is how the world has treated us or how we think the world has treated us.
If I'm in a really good mood, feeling great inside and out I can go to a mall at Christmas time and have the time of my life. Buy myself a new lipstick, sit on a bench with a latte and smile at it all. Or the alternative. I can go there when I'm feeling sore, tired and depressed and want to shake my fist at everyone.
The true meaning of Christmas is something different to everyone isn't it. It's supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Christ to those who believe. December 25th isn't really the day Jesus was born. I've heard different variations of when that was exactly. I think if you are a true person of faith you celebrate Jesus every day right?
I've been pretty vocal on the subject of my family and how I dislike get-togethers but that could be any day, not just Christmas time. But I agree it's nice that people donate more to needy causes at Christmas time. There's that.
On the other hand, the line is endless for these same foreigners to come to the great land of America, even if it means they die in the process of getting here.
I may choose to walk away from some of the celebrations that can cause more problems than pleasure, but I am forever thankful for the opportunity to HAVE those celebrations and the freedom to practice them in whatever way I choose.
look closely at the ' needy ' and figure out why theyre needy .
let me give you an example ; a younger friend of mine , lets call him " mick " , found himself in need one time between jobs and walked with lunchmeat and bread from a local grocer -- his family wasnt going without .
directly after telling me this i saw his wife walk out the door one evening with a kitchen fork full of " bogus " fried up pork chops to give to the dogs .
those chops would have easily made breakfast gravy for 5 or so people the next day .
people blow . charity my @ss . my family suffered to have any kind of presents under the tree for our sons while the " needy " had christmas 5 fn times .
re ; mick . id have ate the gd dogs -- thats how i roll .
(maybe a little further away and at Becky's home)
"From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight
From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace
It's the voice of every man
From a distance we all have enough
And no one is in need
There are no guns, no bombs, no diseases
No hungry mouths to feed
From a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace
They're the songs of every man
God is watching us, God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance
From a distance you look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance I can't comprehend
What all this war is for
From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the hope of hopes; it's the love of loves
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves
It's the song of every man
as sung by Bette Midler
TNTechie - great response. The day after Thanksgiving has made me reflect on so much. Your post re-focused me in a very good direction. Thank you!
From a distance, most things can be made a little ridiculous... and it can be easy to reduce many holidays/religious events/cultural traditions to a comical version. The farther you are from something, the easier it is to reduce it to the point of caricature. I don’t mean the following in a nasty way, but we see this a lot with “in the US” comments. The US is a big place with MANY different sub/micro-cultures and sweeping statements about what people think here are always interesting. Looking at TV or the Internet, sure, I can see how many things can seem very shallow. I think that is more the medium than anything else. There is shallow here, certainly. And across decades, some trends are more worrisome than others when it comes to depth of thought, etc. I don’t love it either. But I also know every country has its junk... the US is in a fishbowl, sometimes by choice, sometimes by other factors... our junk is just highly visible:)
I think caregiving definitely reduces tolerance for shallow in general. Because we are surviving. And survival mode doesn’t make a good bedfellow with shallow, lol.
If asked, I think people would probably not say that the approach to the holidays is horrible when speaking about their immediate world (friends, family, community), but will say it about a larger group (millennials, the US in general, etc.) The greater distance (through time and place), the easier it is to generalize or view something as the “other”.
However, there is much beauty to accompany the ugly. Just as there has been in every time and place. Human condition, I suppose. The ugly is, unfortunately, in our face now much more than before. Screens put it front and center. The beauty is accessible, but kind of buried in an avalanche of communications that feed the human drive to watch the “train wreck” so to speak. We turn to the negative much more quickly than the positive, yet we yearn for the positive. A difficult turn of heart for most people, and one I know I work on daily.
”Perhaps nice for small families with little children, but a minefield for many extended families, let alone the lonely.”
Margaret, I think, hits the nail on the head with this comment. The costumes, overeating, and baubles are what is visible and easy to articulate. The underlying heart issues and loneliness, the family blow-ups, the stress from money issues, most of these problems come to a head at the holidays, which sets up the perfect environment for that minefield. I’d imagine none of these things are specific to one country. And they are hard issues, and they are sad.
We, too, open our home to a blend of people that lift us up and that need to be lifted up. And TnTechie’s response has helped me to double down in my own heart on how to bring forth the beauty. Thanks for that:)
It also focused very much on rationality and common sense.
Thanks for sharing those wise words.
dont remember where i read that but its pretty dam comical .
he was so educated that i felt inferior and ' cloddish ' in his presence UNTIL i saw him waving his fist in the air and screaming at his tv set over a football play .
the things people value just amaze me .
margaret ,
its black friday in the usa . this aint going to correct your dim view of mass consumerism .
im going to the forest to cut yet another load of firewood today . i value not freezing to death in my own home .
i agree 100% with you . my obese supervisor got plum shtfaced with me on wednesday for having coffee and socializing at a company lunch as opposed to digging into a huge meal that i had no interest in . i think he will continue to show his distain and im not of a reputation to cower .
( most ) americans are so programmed that they treat anyone who doesnt go with the program as an outcast .
' most ' wouldnt think of missing the latest hollywood release . i wouldnt watch that crap at gunpoint .
He lamented - you'd say fulminated, except he always speaks more in sorrow and bafflement than in anger - over various Christmas themes, but for him the insanity and nonsense of the festive season was summarised by two of its lead characters: the flying reindeer, juxtaposed with the stationary robin.
Well, I don't know though - the concept of Misrule has been part of the celebrations since the druids at least!
Read a book years ago, Learned Optimism. How you see the glass really is a choice.
When we are stressed and/or depressed, it easy to see the glass half (or more) empty. We cannot control the world or others. We can control our response. We can criticize the holiday season or we can embrace the "real holiday" in our own heart and home.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving in my home and my glass was full. I am very thankful to be physically and financially able to host a meal and "leftover" treats, even if it does take careful planning and days to produce now. Since I have reached a point in life between aging and care giving where the extended family gathering of my youth doesn't happen anymore, I hosted a collection of people from family and the neighborhood who might have otherwise been alone. One was my brother; divorced with his children attending celebrations with SOs. One was a retiree with his children hundreds of miles away. One couple is in their 80s, their only child dead at 18 decades ago. My aunt and uncle came with their single son and granddaughters, the parents are both nurses working today. There was some sadness there too. This is the first year I did not send a plate to the MC for what dementia had left of my father. The old bachelor neighbor/character with kidney disease that shared the table in prior years passed last spring. Yet in the gathering of this group there was a congenial spirit, diverse conversation, the enjoyment of good basic food, friendship, and football. Everyone loved it when my 5 year old grand-nephew came by from next door to report on the progress of Thanksgiving dinner at his house and get something to eat because he just couldn't wait for it to be done and his mother had kicked him out of her kitchen. His older brothers followed, saying the family wasn't leaving for their father's in-law's home for another 2 hours.
I understand how care giving impacts our view of the holiday season. The isolation and depressing spirits of dealing with a LO's losses of physical and mental abilities make planning and participating in the season's activities anywhere from merely difficult to outright impossible. The sense of loss over the people who once shared this season and will never share it again weighs heavily. It can be difficult to even be around "normal" people. It's so tempting to see the glass more than half empty and drown any sense of contentment. More than once, I considered backing out of being a host this year or even marking the day. Maybe just the normal day's meal with Mom and my brother; maybe just some treats or desserts for the visiting kids? I wondered if my grandmother ever had those thoughts. Yet even as her physical condition deteriorated with advancing age, my favorite jumbles with the caramel icing only she could make were always there when I visited during the holidays. So I made the effort; in appreciation of my grandmother and for the memories of the kids who would pass through the house, for my mother who enjoyed the day although she probably won't remember it, for my brother who is still getting accustomed to being alone after 38 years of marriage, for the old couple down the road who wouldn't have any celebration if I didn't come through. I made the choice to accept something different and my glass was filled with the assorted presences in my home.
Companies know how to manipulate people. Look at FB, for example, and consider how many people participate and share all sorts of personal information which can be sorted, packaged and sold to commercial entities. Google does the same thing.
Companies with this kind of "ethic", or better yet lack of ethic, aren't going to give up lucrative data gathering, nor are retaierls going to give up manipulating the public to spend more.
Back in 1991 when I took another French class, my instructor told me that the French retailers and businesses weren't allowed to have sales as we've become accustomed to them. Sales were allowed either once or twice a year. Our freewheeling retail segments drive holiday sales and expenditures.
There are still people who extend their support to others, such as the man who for years has sponsored free meals through the SA for people in need. That's only one example of someone who has true concern for others in mind, and what I'd consider not only a holiday spirit but a human spirit for understanding and compassion, which IMO really transcends any religious holiday and should be a basic human trait. But there are many people who lack compassion and focus only on themselves. And this occurs at the highest levels.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/florida-business-man-donates-thanksgiving-meals-to-15k-people-at-salvation-army-report/ar-BBXtj3B?ocid=spartandhp
That man is an inspiration, but there are plenty who are not and never will be.
If relationships are complicated, getting together at the holidays are going to be a nightmare and not worth the hassle.