My 83 yrs. mother has been diagnosed BPD, NPD & Bi-Polar. She has been on meds for years. Her behaviors have only intensified as she ages. She has dementia which only complicates & makes everything worse. She is in denial & desperately trying to prove to herself & everyone she is not old or compromised in anyway. She has just survived a medical emergency, kidney failure as a result of multiple infections including sepsis. She was not expected to live.
She is now in her own home but remains difficult & demanding, She has trouble with handling her finances yet refuses any assistance. Her eyesight & hearing are severely impaired yet she still wants to drive .. I've made sure she isn’t !!! She refuses to move into a care community, runs off any & all in home care I have carefully screened, interviewed & hired. My two younger brothers relocated far away, how nice for them. I moved also but I’m within a 3 hour drive so I handle everything. I am 62 yrs, the oldest & only daughter. I recently read a Forbes Magazine online article entitled “The Silent Generation” which gives great insight into the minds of the first “entitled” generation. I hope those of you here who are struggling with aging parents or relatives will take the time to read it .. it gives some good perspective on this exceedingly difficult generation so many of us are struggling to care for at the end of life.
All my grandparents aged as they lived--kindly, lovingly and sweet to the end.
Maybe my gma spoiled my mother too much--there's no simple explanation as to why she's such a pill. She's turning 90 this week and probably will live 10 more years. YB has promised her she will never go into a NH of any kind ( a promise he is coming to regret mightily!!) as his own health has suffered a lot as he has cared for mother as she's aged---although there are 5 of us sibs living, she only 'allows' this brother and my youngest sister (who has NO time) to be in her life. She is mean to me, and I have attributed that to the fact she believes my dad loved me best, so she holds that over me. WHY would any sane person deny another person love? He's been gone 16 years yet every single time I see her, she has to bring it up.
It's near impossible for me to spend time with her--so I really don't. She's my main anxiety trigger, and I need to have space from her and I hate that.
I'd say it's b/c people live longer nowadays, but both my gmothers lived into their 90's.
Many people who have dementia are in denial, so, that's not unusual. And, that is due to a medical condition, which isn't really a morality issue.
I suspect the reasons we see what we do is complex. I will look forward to reading the article.
I haven't seen the entitled behavior in that generation. As others said, I think it depends on the individual.
That generation, if they had a reasonable education, did well financially in the 1950s and 60s, because the population was growing quickly and professionals were in disproportionately short supply. This is what the Forbes article explained. However it was mostly men who benefited, because a professional education was still quite rare for women. Girls were usually shunted into lower-paid jobs as nurses, teachers, secretaries, and the glamour-jobs like air hostesses. As the article said, they married young, had children early, and then quit work, sometimes for ever. Women’s share of the financial rewards really depended on their husband.
Men and women in this age group had grown up through years when it was rare for older people to live to extreme old age. It was quite common for men to die of a heart attack just a couple of years after retirement! The young women did care for older relatives, as was expected, but not for the many years that are needed now. The generation has kept the expectation about family care, and forgotten how much quicker and easier it worked out for them.
Men in the 1950s and 60s were the bread winner, with the expectation of being boss in the family. Some of the dependent wives were frustrated by their limited role (and wrote books about it), but even more were content to be ‘queen’ in the house. Their work load decreased with new products (washing machines, fridges, cleaner heating, pre-prepared food etc etc). Their newly affluent husbands treated them well, the couple’s social life got better and better, the children were doing fine, they moved into a new house .... Both men and women were on top of the world, and expected to stay there.
These are the parents who are now very demanding, and not very appreciative – the ‘narcissistic and selfish’ generation you are questioning. This may well be how they got there!
Its sad
My Mom, total opposite. It was her house and no other woman would be allowed in. We tried caregivers. On the first day when a caregiver made dinner for them, my Mom grabbed Dad's plate of food and dumped it into the trash. Oops, is there a problem in the room? On the 3rd day, she shooed the 1st shift caregiver out. Poor Dad, he knew that he and my Mom needed help around the house... sigh.
My sig-other and I are in our mid-70's. I would welcome caregivers or moving to Independent Living. My sig-other, nope, he said his grand-daughters could come to help to which I read to him the riot act.
I do think our aging/aged parents expect an awful lot from their adult kids. And we want to help them; we love them, but we have to acknowledge to ourselves we can only do so much, and work hard not to feel guilt at not being able to fix all.
Thanks for the article noted. I'll check it out.