My sister and I were abused by him as children, and he said his verbal, physical and emotional abuse was a tool to make us tough. My sister took her life in 2014. I barely recovered, as we were very close, and I tried for years to help her. It was a viscous cycle, as my father crushed her soul. Mine, too. We both tried to gain his love and approval, but we both knew we would never get it. I know now, that he has severe mental illness. No one normal would treat their children with such contempt. I am his only caregiver now. I have to be involved, because he is capable of anything. He has been arrested for 6 DUI’s, blames others of course, shoplifting, blames the store, and recently went out with criminals to try and exploit them? Of course, they got the better of him. He’s crazy. I have cameras all over his home, now, as I cannot take it anymore. Has anyone else encountered an elder who acts like this? He acted like this when he was younger, too. He believes that he is normal and everyone else has problems? I’m exhausted. Both my sister and I have been nothing but good to him, always. We were both great students and gainfully employed. He always challenged our education. He would criticize and put us down. He would show people outside the family a version of himself, that was charming and kind. He was not at all like that at home. He has no boundaries, and does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He has started to criticize my daughters by telling them that one is prettier than the other. I had to draw a very firm line and tell him, that he could no longer see them, if he could not control his behavior. Of course, he looked at me and said, “It’s always the same thing with you.” I guess I am just looking for someone to read this and tell me that I am not crazy. That this man is sick.
"He is unable to care for himself."
Ok. So he is not fully independent. That's OK. So HE must face that fact & hire the help HE needs.
"He needs help with his meds, cooking, cleaning, shopping, dressing and bathing".
If he cannot arrange the care he needs himself, he is DEPENDANT & must face this fact. He may require a only a little help or a lot, up to needing a legal Guardian to arrange his care, either in his home or in a facility.
Offspring must decide for themselves ho much they can help. A little or a lot. But NOT to be in survitude to their parent.
Can you schedule time with a therapist who can help you deal with your emotional ties to your father, and help you develop technical to distance yourself? Only you can make the decision to sever ties, or establish how and when you want to deal with him.
I ask why?
Why do you have to be involved in his life?
Is there any way you could get your dad on Medicaid and into a care home?
He doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Let him go to prison for his bad behavior and save yourself.