So here I am, age 65, delighted that my mother is still with me but exhausted by the million things involved in care giving for a 93 year old. Having no siblings, no significant other, and no kids, I just look at her (my father passed away in December from Parkinson's and that was an awful way to go) and look at myself and think: Oh boy. This is really the highway to Hell. There's not a whole lot of anything to look forward to and I'll have to navigate this alone (with the exception of a lawyer, I'm not going to have a ton of money for hired "hands"). The future looks pretty dark. Not suicidal, but there sure doesn't seem a lot to look forward to. THANKS FOR THE VENT! :)
You know, that's what people always think. That they have to pinch the pennies and save for their own care when they become elderly.
For what? A lifetime of careful saving and good financial decisions so it can all go up in smoke in no time because it gets handed over to a nursing home at some point? If a person lives to be elderly enough, chances are they end up in a care facility. Their money gets burned up quick, and for a lifetime of hard work and saving, they end up on Medicaid and die beggared and dependent on the state.
I say spend it while you're young enough and healthy enough to enjoy it.
65 is the new 50 and old age is a long way away from that. You've still got plenty of living to do. Good living, not elderly assisted living.
I know exactly how you feel. In all honesty being a caregiver to an elderly person can just sap the life right out of someone and don't I know it.
You say that there's no significant other in your life and in your profile you say that you do have some support from your cousins.
You can work with that.
Here's how you can regain the lust for life and get your groove back.
Find a lover. Get together for a French lunch in the afternoon. I'm sure one of your cousins will stay with your mother for a few hours during the day. Or maybe hire a homecare aide a few hours a week. Believe me, you will then find a lot to look forward to.
Then take yourself a vacation. You're still working so put a bit of money aside and do it. Your mother can go into respite care temporarily. Or a respite caregiver can come and stay at your house with your mother so she won't have to go to a nursing home.
What places have you always wanted to visit but for one reason or another you've put off going to them? Pick one and go. You deserve to and you need to.
Give yourself this gift. No one's entire life can just be work or the day in and day out drudgery of caregiving.
I hear you. I think many of us feel that way when we see how fast the time goes. Being a caregiver makes us more aware of our own health and future. It's very hard. I'm in the same boat and I am looking for something. I hope you'll do a little self care and use a lot of self compassion to find that next something that will spark your zest for life.
Does your mom live with you? Does she stay by herself OK while you're at work? Do you enjoy your work?
So sorry your dad passed. And Parkinson's is definitely a tough way to go. My uncle had it too. Yuck.
Work on keeping yourself young! Stay active. Get some hobbies. Improve your health if it's in need of it. If you think you're going to have to go it alone as you get older, try to simplify your life and live in a place that is easy to live where you don't have to do a lot of extra chores. Join a club. Travel. Do things you enjoy.
Make sure you are getting some relief from caring for your mom. Working and taking care of her doesn't leave an awful lot of ME time. You deserve some time to do something fun or relaxing or interesting, etc. Get a part time caregiver or put her somewhere for a couple of weeks of respite care so you can get away.
Put you first.
Venting is good. It can be very helpful and maybe one of us will say something that will help you feel a little better!
Then I will ask, why do you feel that you have to be the one to care for your mother, and give up your life and happiness? You know darn well that your mother would not want you jeopardizing your mental and physical health because of her.
We only get one go round in this life and it's up to us as to what we will make of it. Your mother could be placed in a nice facility, where she would have trained professionals caring for her, and you could get back to just being her daughter, while having time to do things that you enjoy.
And if mom doesn't have a lot of money, you can apply for Medicaid for her.
I hope and pray that you are talking to a counselor/therapist, and if needed are on an antidepressant. You are worth it! God bless you.