I lost my Mom and found a stranger

Question

My Mom too suffers from dementia and it seems to be getting worse each day. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see a different woman in my mother's body. My Mom was always the sweetest, kindest and most loving Mom anyone could wish for. Lately another person is emerging from her body! It seems each week we have a different issue that we deal with. Last week it was losing her dentures and the first logical thought would be that she misplaced them. But Mom was insistent that someone stole them for money. The week before she was convinced that each birth or age mark on her body was shingles. I took her to the dr and the dr told her that they were benign and nothing to worry about, which I tried to tell her but she would not listen. So I hoped once she heard it frm the Dr she would let it go. Instead, she in return said to the dr with venom on her tongue that she was wrong and didnt know what she was talking about. I said to my Mom, "Mom you are being rude to the doctor, I am sure she knows what she is talking about" my mom then turned at me and stuck her tongue out.

Recently my Mom thought her numbers came up in the state lottery. She said she watched the 10 o'clock news and they called all 6 of her numbers. The next day the numbers were different in the paper. SO she thinks that someone is stealing her winnings by changing the numbers. There is absolutely no reasoning with her. We tried to explain to her she possilbly dreamt that her numbers came up and if someone in the lottery changed the numbers then other people would be complaining as well. She only get angrier when we try to explain or reason with her. In her mind it happened and no one is going to tell her it didnt. She will not let this go. She wrote to our Attorney General to tell him what "she thinks" happened. Then my brother took her to get lottery tickets today and the lottery machine was down. My mom stated "The Attorney General shut the lottery down because of my letter" It is so scarey to hear her talk this way. Every person she come up against she tells them this bazare story. People are looking at her as if she is insane. How do we handle such things that she thinks in her mind are actually happening??

SecretSister · Accepted Answer

I wonder but that my mother was not lost long ago, to self, clubs, activities, alcohol, medications, etc.  I didn't notice when it started getting worse, but it is.   The person we call mom is slipping into a strange world, and seems to prefer it.   She doesn't seem to care about family anymore, and lives to connect with strangers who have become her new family.   That is so weird!   It's like, "Who stole mother, and what did they do with her?" and "Who are your daughters?"   Makes us feel lost, but really she is, and I don't think we'll ever find her.  Talk about feeling misplaced.   As if family history is disappearing like a vapor.   Definitely disconcerting!

NancyH · Answer

My mother-in-law is also paranoid since getting dementia.  Some of it came from living in a small house with her husband, and later by herself.  When she lived alone, she would put something down and two later it would still be there.  Now that she's living in asst. living facility, she thinks people are stealing her stuff since they clean and move things.  I have asked them to NOT come into her room anymore when she's not there.  They have been most compliant. If you look up 'memory loop craziness' you'll see a whole thread there of how she was absolutely convinced her glasses on her face were not really her glasses.  She hides stuff constantly and can't remember hiding them.  It's a constant battle between search and find, to 'someone stole it'.  But in their heads they live in their own reality.  There is no more logic or reason.  That's what I miss most, her being able to be logical.

I lost my Mom and found a stranger

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