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patrica61 Posted December 2009

Husband trying to care for his parents from a distance

I have a question my husband is trying his best ot help out with his parents, located in Pot St Lucie Florida we live in Tamap fl. There is a small problem going on and I am in the middle. They speak spanish and both are in there 80's. My husband asked me you sent in this message I am noted as patrica61, on this web page his name is Bill. I know all the legal paper work that is need to get things in order for a loved to take care of them. I know the the laws are different ib differrent states too. The early signs are there with his dad that something may be wrong. You see there is another younger brother you picked up from Port St Lucie and moved to North Carolina and now he wants them to sell there house and give up everything and move his mom and dad with him and his family and give the money from the sale of the house. There are no legal papers, such as a will Durable powerr of attorney or itf on any bank accounts. They are in there middle 80's and also have health problems. His mom does not even know who is on the title of the house. we have no money to help out, my husband had a triple by pass, and also his job closed down. My own mom just passed away. One day his father remember then repeats it right after. Also one day he wants to sell the next he does not. As far as the house his brother wants the house sold and the money given to him to help build a bigger home for them to all live together. My husband does not think they can take the cold in the mountains of NC. I placed a call to elder care today awaiting a call back. I can not help I do not speak spanish and our home is small. What is my husband to do. to make sure no one trys to make up their mind for them, they dod not have much money.

patrica61 Dec 2009
Dear Carol. Thank you again for advice, but this is harder than it sounds. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes. We see you live in Florida but it is two different counties. The spanish is the worse, My husband family have lived her in the United States over 60 years they did speak some english but not now. So I can can not talk to tehm about anything. My husband is so upset. His brother is the only one in his whole family that speaks the lanuage. Many years ago we tried to get them to live closer to us, That when the house market was not bad at all. They live in a beautiful home In Port ST Lucie, and the real estate that was set up by dear brother in law offerred them $80,000.00 for the house plus leave all the furniture. If they move to NC they can not go up stairs, and I don't think there money on the sale of the house should go to building a home for all to leave in. It is cold there also and they are in therre 80's and mom has fallen severral times. Once when I was up north during the burial of my own mom his mom wass rushed to the hospital. His brother is a control person, even when my husband had is triple by pass and I had to take care of him while mom was in the assisting living. He wanted to be the one in control with the hospital and Bill. I will take your advice and seek out someone to talk to. This is not a good time of year to move. I went through a lot with my own moms things,even through everything was set up I had the Durable power of attorney, Legal Rep, health epoxy and a will was made up things came up. His parents don't even have any life insurance policies. Nothing is title on bank account or the house.
THANK YOU AGAIN. patrica61

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Dec 2009
This is sad, Patricia. My heart goes out to you all. You could call the state bar association in the state where they live and ask if there is an attorney who can help you get this in order. Otherwise, it's family member against family member, everyone wanting the right thing for the parents, but all ideas of the right thing are different.

If the dad is mentally competent, he should be listened to and his wishes considered. If this is the case, it's also a good time to get the legal work done. I hope you can find an attorney to take this on.

Take care of yourself and Bill,
Carol

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