My parents are on the go non-stop, so much so that they don't have time to take care of things at their home. I feel guilty that I cannot help them more.

Question

they do get home, they are so exhausted that they sleep for several hours during the day. My mom's health keeps declining. I want and do help them, but if they're not willing to do the necessary things, just be on the go, should I handle all the house and bills so they can keep going? They are 83 and 79. Personally, I feel like my mom's health would improve if they balanced their schedule and just declined some of their invitations. Really, they will be gone from their house for 10 hours in a day. I feel guilty but then I feel like they should be willing to give in some also. I'm just feeling guilty and depressed.

castoff · Accepted Answer

195Austin,
Sorry you had to experience that.
I can't see it any other way than being lazy & callused to impose on another in that way. Total disregard for another. How hateful & selfish.
My husband and I spent 3 yrs & 8 gallons of bleach knee deep in mouse poo & dust bunnies cleaning out my hoarder dad's house so my mom could sell the place. It undoubtedly took years off of our lives and now we get to clean up after hoarder mom. Society has no idea what a contribution we have made by cleaning up after these two. The A&E channel has programs about hoarders now. They say it's an illness. Sure does make me sick!!!!!
I intend to make it easy to clean up after me when I go. I have a degree of compassion for other folks that drives me & I don't want this to happen to anyone else.

195Austin · Answer

You are so right I would not get involved if they can socialize they can do what has to be done my MIL was like that she would throw her mail at my husband this is your's and then go out shopping every day and threwwaway all important papers she probably thought that would keep her out a nursing home which she had to go into on private pay until her money was gone then the social workers did all the paperwork I do not know why they make it so hard for those of us who have to fill out the application and a nursing home can get it done so easily-I paid a lawyer a retainer for 5 hrs and he probably could have done it in 2-3 hrs. and I slaved over it 6hrs. a day for 3 weeks because I wanted to do it myself-and my husband died before I got very far.

castoff · Answer

I've been cleaning up my mom's life for 11 yrs now. Still shredding papers back to 1940s. She has chosen not to be responsible for herself in any way shape or form. If your parents are giving to others then their actions are justified to a degree, but if this is a party 'til we drop thing then they are just being inconsiderate and abusive to you. If they think they can take advantage of you and they are selfish (happens all the time) then you may have to put your foot down before they destroy you.
This may be the start of a hell you will be in for a looooong time. Read the other entries on this site and educate yourself.
INDEPENDANCE REQUIRES RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!

My parents are on the go non-stop, so much so that they don't have time to take care of things at their home. I feel guilty that I cannot help them more.

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