My family found my dad's hoarding problem when he passed away.

Question

My father passed away this weekend. As we started trying to help my mother prepare for visitors, family members discovered something I have been asking for help with for years. What the rest of my siblings have referred to as pack rat issues are really serious hoarding problems complete with a huge mouse infestation and cleanliness issues.The house is very large and is in the country. My father has been in the hospital for over 7 months and the house has become worse during that time.It was already packed with "stuff" but was cleaner until the last year. I have begged mom to let me help but she will not and becomes angry. I will be mom's primary caretaker from now on since everyone else lives far away. My siblings have become hostile when I have asked for help, but I know something must change. I have asthma and cannot spend the night or any length of time with her in her house although I love her dearly and would like to do so. My father was aware of the problem and tried to change things prior to his strokes. How can I handle this situation? I am grieving for my father and want to help my mother in a loving way.

DonnaG · Accepted Answer

So glad things are looking up on the housekeeping front, RLP. And I'm very sorry for your loss. Keep the thought of hiring in some more help, though, maybe after you've done some "purging" of things. I am thinking of doing this too at my folks' house, is why I mention it to you. Can the grandkids come back for a long weekend or something soon and help some more?
Praying for comfort and peace for all of you.

ShadowChild1 · Answer

Thank you for your guidance and concern. My father has been so ill for so long that I am grateful that he is no longer in pain, but I will miss him so much. My mother has allowed the grandchildren to clean part of the house. They have done enough that I can stay in the house and start helping Mother go through papers and clothes. My husband, son, and I will need to live with her eventually and she has plans to create a mother-in-law's apartment out of some of the rooms in the house. It was built in 1851 and has plenty of room for two (or more) families. I can see God's hand in all that has happened during the past 5 days and hope I can continue what the grandchildren have started after they go home. I appreciate all of you!  RLP

anne123 · Answer

I am so sorry you have lost your father.
I like lhardebeck's idea of hiring someone to come in to clean your mother's house. If you have asthma, you are likely allergic to the droppings of the mice and this could aggravate your asthma. You could look in the want ads in the newspaper, or go on craigslist. But for now, just deal with your grief in losing your father. This is a big load for you and it just happened this weekend. God bless.....

1forlarue · Answer

Give yourself some time to grieve for your father. Take a few days and deal with the grief first. Then climb on the band wagon and get mom out of the house for several days. While you are away, have someone come in and clean the house and exterminate. When you return, Mom might be mad but as it is already done there is not much she can do. A kitty may not be a bad idea for the long haul as the house is in the country. It would be good company for mom too. Are you planning on living in the house with mom? Or is she pretty self sufficient? Perhaps a move to be with you and visits to the house would be better for her and you both?
Just some thoughts ...

Condolences on losing your father.

Pattie

linda09 · Answer

am so very sorry for ur loss . you should hire someone to come in and clean that house for u and ur mom . since u have asthma and its not safe for u to clean old dusty house , find someone who needs money real bad and have them come in and clean , u would have to take your mom away from there , say let sgo shopping or lets go get our hair done make a whole day of it . unless that is if you can afford to pay someone .
my brother in law had to send mom away for the weekend and he tried to get the back bdrm cleaned up . she had piles piles of clothes there well a whole weekend turned into one night cuz she just threw a fit at my daughter about going home . my daughter had to take her home this mornin , bro in law is upset about it cuz he wasnt done yet . it realy is hard .
im guessing just go with the flow . when shes sleeping go do something that you can do . call a friend ?
again sorry for ur loss .
maybe get you some cats tooo they love mices ,

My family found my dad's hoarding problem when he passed away.

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