My alcoholic mother has been taken by a "friend" and now won't talk to me. I don't know what to do.

Question

My mother is an alcoholic and in poor health. She lives with her 89yo husband who has dementia and also drinks. My mother's been calling me for a month complaining and asking for help for her husband but not for her. Social Services got called by a neighbor and she was told to clean up the house and that she may be taken from the home. They told me she was incompetent and that Power of Attorney wouldn't work that I needed to file for conservatorship for both of them. Neither of them have any other family. Problem is I'm out of state and I was told by a lawyer I can't have it if I live out of state. Some lady has "befriended" my mother and I'm afraid talked her into getting an attorney and refusing my calls. I don't understand how she can get an attorney if she's "incompetent" and why I can't get conservatorship. This lady is going to bleed my mother for all she's got and I don't know how to stop it.

3pinkroses · Accepted Answer

This is truly a difficult situation.  My heart goes out to you.  Seems you need legal advice.  Elder services in the town where your mother lives may be able to guide you - some elder services have an attorney available for free legal advice.  I needed advice years ago and went to a local attorney in my town.  The first consultation is free - I didn't realize there was no charge until I went to the appointment.   He helped so much in one hour.  Of course, my situation was different than yours.  But hope this helps.  I will keep you in my prayers.

Delena · Answer

Well I was looking into a lot of options, assisted living, moving them near me, or full time care at their home.  My mother's thinking is eractic. She asks for my help one minute and the next she turns against me.  I'd rather the state handle this but I'm worried that this "friend" has turned her against me so she could take all her assets.  Social services told me this lady, who's name my mother couldn't even get right, told them my mother promised the house to her.  My mother's been an alcoholic all her life.  She's very mentally unstable but manages to trick people into doing what she wants and she wants to stay in her house so she'll say anything.  This lady probably convinced her she could but my mother and husband are going to need 24 hour care.  And this "friend" isn't even a qualified caregiver.

JessieBelle · Answer

This is a difficult situation. If you are living in another state, what would you plan to do if you got a conservatorship? Were you encouraging them to go into assisted living? I know that since they are addicts, it would be a very difficult thing for them to do. Tell us a bit more about what future you would like to see for them and someone may be able to help.

Patti4Mom · Answer

My family member had to turn a stepparent over to the state where she lives.  THey had to get the person declared incompetent.  (sad)  But, this took the burden off of my sibling.  The state took conservatorship over them and sees to the bills being paid and the estate.  I guess that it takes doctor visits and court.  How to start?  I am not sure.  You would probably have to go and see to some of the details in person where your parents live.  If anyone else has experience with this please tell Delena.  I hope you find your answers and some peace.  I am sure this is all quite disturbing.  Again, I hope you find some peace and know that all this is more than any one person can handle alone.

My alcoholic mother has been taken by a "friend" and now won't talk to me. I don't know what to do.

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