PLEASE make sure your loved one has a living will.

Question

I wanted everyone to know that whomever you put on the living will as secondary, really has no say in what happens to you. I just went through this with my brother. I lived with mom and I was second on the living will as he is older and a doctor. He hadn't seen mom in over 7 years though and had talked to her once a year. She just never changed the living will to me. I thought I would also have a say as I was second on it. I HAD NO SAY AT ALL. I want all to know how this works so you don't have to go through the pain that I went through because he didn't follow mom's wishes. Mom passed away yesterday despite my brother saying he was going to let her linger another 4 months just in case. She left on her own terms but..I was ready to call the state omsbudsman and have an ethics meeting at the nursing home. I changed my living will to say and/or. May not be the best solution but it tells them that either person can make decisions. Love your elderly loved one as much as you can. Believe it or not, you will miss them and their complaining etc.

palmtrees1 · Accepted Answer

Hey, just checked out the living will for Alabama and you are right, my mom most likely has named my brother proxy. He is on everything, and I mean everything, else. Did not realize the form is actually a living will/medical directive. I have been concerned about her not having the medical directive. Learn something new everyday. :)

palmtrees1 · Answer

Wow have to check this out. I have no idea what my mother has. She doesn't let me know anything. I know she is changing her POA and I know she has a living will. But I was not aware someone other than her in on the living will. Interesting.

Bhenson · Answer

No, this clearly stated "living will".  They now have something called the 5 wishes which really is great as it is much more involved.

palmtrees1 · Answer

are you talking about a health care power of attorney instead of a living will?  If your brother was medical poa, he did not do what your mother wanted as her poa. That is the risk people take when appointing a power of attorney. Shame on him. And yes as an alternate you don't have equal power.  I understand a living will to be something different. A living will gives instruction not to take the measures to save you when your are dying. No one, to my knowledge, is on a living will. I could be wrong, wouldn't be the first time. :)

PLEASE make sure your loved one has a living will.

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