funnierthanme Posted August 2012

Where do I go to just vent and have someone say, I know what you mean. It'll be OK, just hang on a little longer. I hope it's here.

I don't want suggestions that I need to place MIL in a home or get more help, or throw DH out on his ass or anything like that. I don't want to be told I need a vacation. I just want someone to come hold me and let me cry and tell me it will be OK. I want to tell them Nancy has been nasty to me and I have to accept it because "we need her". She works cheap. Don't suggest we find someone else. She is MIL's niece.

One day, as the regular caregiver from the home health agency was here talking about her own "burnout" and I was sympathizing, Nancy said she thought I was acting like I was some sort of queen or something. I told her I didn't think I was some sort of damned queen. She said I had an attitude going around telling everybody how bad it was and wanting them to feel sorry for me. I talk to no-one but my husband, my sisters (who Nancy doesn't even know) and to this particular caregiver on this one occasion that day. I've had Nancy in my life 30 months now along with MIL and I am sick of her but I have to tolerate her because DH says so.

Nancy doesn't bathe. She's very large, won't get into a tub because she can't get out of one, so she washes up at the sink. Most days, her odor is so bad I can hardly stand to be around her. She said I was so lucky to have a shower. I told her any time she wanted a shower, just bring an extra set of clothes and take one. I know she would really enjoy it. She won't do it. Her church believes that if you don't belong to her religion, you will go to Hell. She preaches to me all the time even though I have told her I would appreciate it if she wouldn't. I have my own beliefs and they are not the same as hers. My God would not exclude someone who didn't belong to a certain church.

My two children will not visit their grandmother. Neither of them have anything good to say about her and I cannot force them to go into her room and say hello. She hurt them as much as she deliberately hurt me and my husband thinks she gave them everything. A hug with a knife in your back sure hurts.

She's out of the hospital since last Thursday and true to form, waking me up once or twice during the night to go to the potty. It's making an old woman out of me and I'm only 67. She's 92 and goes "whew" almost every breath, and almost every breath is blown in my face. I have to be near her when I'm getting her on and off the potty and serving her meals and changing her Depends and sheets and blankets and I hate getting breaths blown in my face and she says "Yeah" a hundred times a day. What's that about??? Yeah because I pulled a blanket up around her so she would be warm. Yeah because she sat down on the potty, when she got up off it, when I pulled her Depends up, When I gave her a new cup of ice water. I swear, if I could get away with telling her to buzz off, I might feel better, but I'm not exactly sure when she might be in her demented state or out of it. She says "Huh" no matter what I say and I have to repeat myself. I know darned good and well she heard me the first time. I know I'm in a situation I can't get out of until she dies. I just don't know when that will be and it seems like it will be a long, long time from now because we are doing such a wonderful job of taking care of her.

I had to stop driving when I was 48 because of my seizures. She drove until she was 90. I hated that. I get a great deal of pleasure, though, everytime I pass her bedroom door and see her laying there flat on her back, unable to even stand up on her own. We don't put her in a wheelchair and bring her into our livingroom or out on the deck or to eat at the dining room table. She might need the potty and we would never get her back to it in time and we just can't take the potty with her everywhere we take her. Even though I can't drive, she can't stand up. Payback is Hell.

Did I say how sick I am of draining the urinary pouch and carrying the dirty potty out of the bedroom to the bathroom to empty it and wash it out? I know I'm not the only one who does this. But I'm the only one of me that has done it. People in my family tell me I've earned a place in Heaven for taking care of her. I don't think that's a guarantee.

My daughter was venting about her own MIL the other day and I tried venting about MIL to her and she had the nerve to say to me "I don't have the time for that and I don't want to hear any of it anyway. She means nothing to me so don't talk about it." That's why I am here today. When my own family doesn't seem to care, where do I go?

Burnout

116 Comments

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First

Punchnjudy - thank you for sharing your story.....sorry for your pain and I understand it. Not quite my story, but nonetheless, you do ALL this work FOR SO LONG, and not much in return. My only take away right now is that I have paid my dues beyond reasonable measures and I still have a long way to go before this nightmare is over.

Have a good day everyone.

xo
-SS

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Fayewlbur - I totally agree with PunchNJudy - you need to repost, and I would certainly call his doctor. He could have had a mini stroke in his sleepl JAD711

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Fayewlbur--please REPOST your question as the start of a new discussion. You will see that link right under "ADD YOUR COMMENT"! This is too important to simply have fall under someone else's categorical question.

(2)

HELP!!!!!!My hubby got up this morning very very confused. Not like ever before. Does not know where he is and wants to know what is wrong with him How do i answere his questions. He is in stage 7 of alzheimers and I have not faced this serious confusion before. usuallly I can change the subject but not today. I am lost because I don't know what to tell him that he will understand.

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I used to get demanding phone calls (before she moved into an assisted living facility) which I usually let the machine pick up. If you could listen to some of those messages "you have to come over here RIGHT NOW and take me to two banks!" or "they left me for the weekend and there's nothing to eat in this house!" I actually had my husband call her back once to tell her that I could not possibly get over there with food but then used my credit card to have a grocery order delivered to her house. Then when I went another time with groceries she said she needed since she had "nothing in the house to eat" (my sister in law never once left her without!) I'd look at the fridge and pantry and it would be stuffed so much I couldn't even put away the 'new' stuff. Do you have any idea how many years I fell for this? My heart would pound, here, into my mid-60s and STILL intimidated by this domineering shrew, who had all her facilities, could eat everything (and alot!), can walk without assistance, toilet, groom, do her own laundry etc. and already had a home health aide come in just to be with her while she showered (only to keep an eye on her). She alienated everyone and would have had her pick of help and outings from family and some remaining friends, but no one cared to be around her, because of her manipulation, lies and basic "using up" of anyone in her path. So yes, I'd drop everything, run over to the next state that is at least 45 mins. from where I live and lo and behold, NO emergencies, plenty of food in the house. She would not have been lonely and bored had she not burned her bridges. In her 90s, and she is still "working it" and getting her way. I can only wonder how it is going in the 'new' place. Oh and by the way, every home health aide quit because she used to make them do things for her that were def. not in their job description and certainly not paid enough to do this and do that. I paid my dues, gave the utmost respect, and then she zinged me with the straw that broke that proverbial camel's back and I said enough of it, I'm DONE. Do I pray about it? You betcha I do. I can only hope I'm not punished for my feelings, but God does know my heart and how much it hurts that I was never able to cultivate a decent relationship with this mean spirited, vicious, abusive, hateful woman. It hurts me deeply that I am disassociated, and yet I should be celebrating, but I am not. I would have cheerfully gone on and been the dutiful daughter, but it was not to be.

(4)

Caregiver - Yes, my parents (living down the road -- we moved them so I could help them), would call me to come get something, do some errand, go to the bank etc...When I got there, my father would say, "Here, mail this, and go to the bank and ask them for all new bills...." What? R u kidding me? That's not even the half of it. While my intent on moving them closer was to help them, I had no idea it was going to ruin me. I became errand girl, not their daughter. While I had them over my house frequently jsut for dinner, all the the holidays, birthdays etc..., it was a real effort. Borth incontinent, neither drives and both care barely walk. Mom alone has had 5 surgeries, including both hips, since she's been here. Do you know how many trips to the doctors and hospital that is?!! Too many to count. I have kids too and a company to run. So while she was in the hospital, I would have to take care of him. Dress him, groceries, meals, mail Blah,,,blah....blah.... And my mother would say, why don't we ever go out to dinner? I said I didn't have time becasue I was so busy doing everything else for them. I couldn't be the social director too!! Well, I did get a local agency to help with the errands, but until I said, "No, I can't do that today," or "I only have time for the bank today, not CVS and the toe doctor appt," Until I said no, they abused me. Try it. She'll figure it out. Now, I'm the last call, not the first call. Do you have a group in town that will do their errands? Ask around. :)

Funnier - yes, I know plenty of families that have both a day helper and a night helper. I think you should investigate immediately before you REALLY crack up. luv ya...

xo
-SS

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PunchNJudy, the ages are right. My husband is 69 and MIL is 93. I'm 68. I really don't want to be 70 and taking care of a 95-yr. old demeted patient. I pray she passes before then, but she's 1/4 Indian. She may live almost forever. But when we were eating breakfast that next morning and he hadn't had his shower yet, he thought his dog smelled really bad and needed to go outside. Turned out it was hubby that smelled bad.

Next time she has a bed, bath and beyond thing, I'll have him carry the linens to the washer and start it for me (and put the soiled Depends in the trash outside). That's a smelly job, too. That would be a big help while I am changing her bed. Gotta get those things washed quickly to keep the stains out.

(4)

Do you all have overnight caregivers, especially if you are taking care of more than one parent? I keep getting advice that I should have my husband hire another caregiver, but how many of you actually have people helping you during the day and night both? I have help during the day--even if she smells bad a lot of the time. Today I was outside quite a bit, though--I mowed grass and it's a two hour job. Then I picked up walnuts and sat in the shade alone down behind the barn asking God when will this end. Of course, He won't answer.

My biggest complaint, I guess, is that I am forced to play Florence Nightingale to a woman whom I have never liked, who never liked me, and I wasn't consulted about it in the first place. Even though I have help during the day, I don't at night and over the weekends and this woman, whom I don't like, manages to unload her land mines always on my time. She has interrupted nearly every activity I do just for her potty trips and when her bowels are doing the liquid dance, I have to bathe her, wash the potty, clean the carpet, change her bed and try not to breathe while I'm doing all of it.

I canceled her trip to the foot doctor about her toe. It was looking better and since it is a major production to get her there and back, I called it all off. But, even though we told her yesterday and last night several times, she was trying to get out of bed at 5:45 this morning to "get ready to go to the doctor".

She has progressed deeper into her dementia extremely well and is trying to climb out of bed quite often now. We will either buy a bed alarm or end up strapping her down. I don't look forward to either.

While all of this is going on, I have had strange women coming in and out of my house for three years and things have come up missing and I can't accuse anyone because I don't have any idea who might have taken or "misplaced" them. I know I can trust Nancy, but she is the only one.

As far as taking off for a week, or even a couple of days, that's great advice, but, I don't have enough money for bus fare, or a train of plane, or a motel, let alone money for meals while I would be gone. I am stuck in a rut can't get out of.

I just need this woman gone from my life and to have my life back and my marriage back the way it was three years ago. Eventually, it will happen, but I need to complain sometimes until it does because when I try to bitch to Nancy, she says I have a bad attitude. She wasn't awake all night last night like I was. She and Homer slept like babies.

(4)

bookworm, i don't believe we have to show respect to those who disrespect or abuse us, i can't find that in my Bible anywhere. does that mean i go out of my way to disrespect or abuse someone? nah, they are beneath my notice. unworthy of my presence. i avoid them as much as i can, or cut them out of my life whenever possible. i know that this isn't possible for you btw, i'm sorry.
:(
maybe we can think of your father as a bad dog who constantly bites the hand that feeds him. you obviously are in danger while caring for bad dog, so you must be careful. bad dogs need to be tied up or kept in a kennel and you can never get too close to those sharp teeth. you stand as far back as you can, yet still give them food, water, and whatever care is necessary. you just never get close enough for them to hurt you. so leave them in the yard, go in the house, and shut the door.

(now, if anyone here is ridiculous enough to think i am advocating tying her father up in the yard or keeping him in a kennel, you need to get a dictionary and look up the word 'allegorical'. thank you.) LMAO!

Yes, i do vent about those disrespectful people in my life, to safe people in safe places like this, i suppose that's a form of disrespect, but crap, if that's all i ever do, those people are fekking lucky!!! ROFL!

respecting or honoring an abusive parent means that we also tacitly respect, honor, and approve what they say and do. how can we do that?! and what would it teach our children, our spouse, and other people around us?

it's time for us to respect and honor Ourselves. respect and honor is something we might have never received from either of our parents, so it will be a learned process to do it for ourselves. think of this, would you let anyone treat your precious child the way your parent is now treating you? of course not. so be your own mommy and protect and love yourself. you are a beautiful woman with a tender and sensitive heart and you are deserving of love and respect.

(3)

Caregiver - all the time by father and family. I have a quick-temper. When it comes to eating (I hate eating so I read a book while putting food in my mouth), once I start eating, I refuse to stop to answer phone, visitors, etc...My family and father learned long time ago that when I'm eating - do not bother me. Same with when I'm on the computer or watching TV. Father has learned that when he tells me to do something, I will do it on my own time (during commercials), etc...You just need to figure out what your boundaries are, state it to them, and then enforce it. FYI, when I'm in the middle of something, I say so! So now, father would say, "When you have time, can you this or that." I tend to nag, and nag and nag (or in his point of view: I complain, and complain and complain.)

I'm not a caring, respectful caregiver to father. He treats me disrespectfully, and I respond back the same way. I used to do my best to show respect from my time when I "found God and learned gungho about Him through the Bible." But when you live with this verbal abuses for years (like 36 years), you stop showing respect to the parent. Well, I show disrespect (not sure about you all). I'm not as "christian-like" as I should be.

(1)

I'm curious, does anyone else here feel used and taken for granted?...my mother has adopted an attitude where because she rings my phone I am to drop everything and run to her...urgent is a letter needing to be mailed....today I dropped by on the way of taking my daughter to school to pick up her urgent letter to mail...her only words to my daughter were "I've been calling your mother", "I got the letter mailed" and "I also got a plumber working on my plumbing issue"...she never asked if I was okay or if there was anything wrong that may have prevented me from getting to the phone...there was, I was in bed sick for 2 days and she didn't even care outside of herself....I pray when I get elderly I do not turn selfish and self entitled, and I hope my kids will always know just how much I love them and appreciate them.

(3)

YAY for poop on the Hubbie!!!! LOL!!!

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P.S...the only time my family helped with the caregiving was when I had 2 major surgeries and a heart infection in the last 6 years. Each one - I had to have 2 months rest! Those were the only times I've had such a long vacation from caregiving. That's where the comment from SIL about it needing 2 people to change mom's pampers. Although they live next door, they don't help at all. I do my best to avoid back pain injury. My backpain is on my upper back - so sharp and painful to breathe in when the pain hits. Hate those pains - do my best to avoid it!!

(2)

Funnier, it would be nice if this happens again at night. Your husband will begin to understand what you're going through. But it may be just like PamelaSue said, it may only just result with bear hugs from him - an no proactive idea of hiring new caregivers, etc...

I take care of 2 bedridden parents. I weigh only 96 lbs and am under 5 feet tall. My parents are taller and weigh more than me. I have had to learn of ways to change their pampers, waterproof pads and blanket lifters by myself. I recently had a "meltdown" (or others here call it overwhelmed) on Labor Day holiday. My sister in law (who lives next door with my bro and 3 grown kids) talked to me to calmed me down. She said that it takes 2 of them to change mom's pampers and she doesn't know how I can do it all by myself.

What I'm trying to say is, that although family KNOWS you need help, doesn't mean that they WILL help. I sure hope your husband is not going to be like my family of next door. And I hope sooooo much that there's a repeat performance! Hopefully, it will help him to see how much you are doing for his mother and he does something about it. Take care!!

(1)

I know all you want to do is vent, so even though we can't be face to face or share a cup of coffee, at least you can come here, we can send you a virtual hug, and we CAN tell you "this too shall pass" but until it does, we are more than willing to listen to what you have to say. Just wish we could do more, find suggestions, etc. I don't know anyone's financial situation, but if you can afford it a just a few times a week, having someone come in and help you even if it so you can go out and have lunch with a friend, do some shopping, even make her her dinner some night, will give you a respite from it and maybe keep you from detesting this woman completely. I know the website has many applicants looking for work, any work at all, they are desperate to make a little money. Take advantage if it is at all possible. xo

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husbands never understand what we do not allow them to understand.

a bear hug snuggle is nice, but. . .

go away for two weeks and attain his immediate understanding and immense appreciation. i can assure you that the process will take months without this. men are like lead, heavy and dense.

(2)

Oh my goodness, Funnier...a few more of these situations and he will be taking time off from work, feverishly punching the numbers on the phone to find other arrangements for mommy dearest. I've said it before and I'll say it again--caretaking ascends to a whole new level particularly when toileting, continence, etc. is thrown into the mix. And a whole different direction when you are lifting, hoisting, carrying, a person and you aren't a young person yourself, realizing it is no longer possible to leave the house or the person by themselves, administering medicines or medical devices, and as I said, when you are nearing 70 yourself and they are still living well into their 90s, there is no physical way a person can properly care for an ailing parent. Sad, but true. My hubby's uncle took care of his wife with MS who was completely paralyzed, couldn't even scratch her nose if it itched. A fine man, he went to the ends of the earth making her comfortable, retrofitting back of the house to be completely wheelchair accessible, including the shower, getting a special van with a wheelchair lift, even found a way for her to make phone calls by simply blowing into the phone. But he was getting more and more frail himself. My father in law would tell us that he was ready to throw in the towel, very depressed, getting sick himself and of course, worried that he might die first and have to leave her care in the hands of his children (who helped their dad immensely). She died suddenly one day, at home, and as sad as it was, it was a blessing and a relief that Uncle Bill could recoup some of his health and his life. God was most merciful. Your husband is beginning to see what it is you've gone through--do be sure that you allow him plenty of "opportunities" to handle much of his mother's health care.

(5)

This is really funny, but Hubby deserved it! Last night MIL messed her Depends, fell out of bed (didn't even get hurt, damn!), and I had to have him come pick her up off the floor. My back won't take it. He got poop all over him. Hurray. It's about time!

But I had to change the bed, wash her up, change her gown, wash up the potty and in a little bit, I'll be shampooing the carpet where she even saved some poop for it, too. I had a doctor's appt. today and didn't have time to do it and didn't feel like it when I got back. So what if her room smelled like shit. I don't give a shit anymore.

Anyhow, he got a firsthand experience last night, but he didn't know how much crap he got onto himself until this morning when I was making the bed and saw our sheets were smeared, too. Not only did I have to wash her sheets and blankets, but I had to do our sheets, too. It was so funny when I told Nancy, she about peed her pants when she laughed about it. Now he knows what I go through when she has one of those bed, bath and beyond experiences.

When he picked her up off the floor and she was half naked because I had already taken the crappy Depends off her. Too bad, he saw Mommy half naked. Dignity went out of the window. This was the best sleepless night ever!

And, when I finally got back to bed, he gave me the best bear hug snuggle ever.

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Cmag- miss u! I totally agree with you and momskeeper, but Funnier will need to make her own decision.
I cried like a baby today after visiting with my demented, nasty father (whom I love),in the NH. Sooner than later, they will be transferring him to a hospital with a psych ward. He's getting physical. Own worst enemy....so sad.

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Funnierthanme: You need to tell hubby dear that if he brings his Mother back home he will be taking care of her. Find someone who will take you in for a week or two and pack your bag. I bet he will have a better appreciation of you before one week is gone.
My Mother puts on a good show when my hubby is home so he has no idea what she is capable of and thinks I am not as good to her as I should be. The mental strain has been worse than the physical work.
She is nearly deaf so I can say exactly what I think and feel and she doesn't hear me but it does help to get things off my chest. A couple months ago she had a stroke that affected only her mind and turned her back into a nice person 90% of the time. I hope it lasts.
Remember, You are not alone in your pain and weariness. Thru this site I am finding out no matter what we are going thru there are others who have it just as bad or worse. We are all rooting for you.

(3)

Funnier, after reading much of this sad saga, I must bluntly say that your husband does not so just not get it that he must be one of those mom enmeshed men who feels so obligated to mom, so afraid to make her mad, etc. that he's forgotten his marriage and you can tell him I said so too. Beyond that I don't know what else to say. So, keep venting.

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Hi Funnier - I'm sorry that your situation is such that you can't get your husband to understand that caring for HIS mother is ruining your life. But you also sound resolved to doing it, so I guess that is the way it will be. Vent away girlfriend! That's what this site is all about.

I care for both my Mom and Dad, by myself, no sibling support physical or mentally in any way. Never a phone call or an email asking me how I am doing or how things are going. In fact, the last sibling visit was almost criminal. My sinling stole my mother's checkbook!! We got it back but what an ordeal! Pa-lease!! The other sibling hasn't been here in over two years and sent me a text on Friday saying "Impromptu trip - can I stay at your place?" with a two day notice. Can u imagine that? Hasn't called or asked me how I am doing or anything in two years and now we are suppose to lay down the red carpet?? Give me a break!

When Dad fell for the fifth time last December, (can't even remember how many trips to the hospital and missed work opportunities for me), he went into rehab but never recovered enough to go home. I chose to have him stay in the NH because I couldn't take it anymore and they have no money for home health care. That's right, I decided that becasue no one was going to help me and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown several times. It was the right decision. It would be extremely unsafe for him (and my mother), back at their apartment and I'd be on the hospital roller coaster all over again within days. Sure, you have days of guilt but it comes to this: do you want to save yourself and save them? I chose to save us both by placing him in the home. It's a very hard decision, but I have no regrets.

xo
-SS

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Funnier, I agree, I can't understand why people don't understand why you can't go shopping or to a party or whatever. I guess I haven't told you all but I'm my husband's sole caregiver. He has three Children, a son in China (missionaries) a daughter in NC and a son in MD near us. He is the only one that has anything to do with him because their mother poisioned their minds against them years ago, then she married my husband's best friend and partner in the Police dept. The son that lives near us, comes around once in a while, unless I call and beg him to take his dad for an evening or a day. Today I have to work due to storms we had last night, and I called him and asked him if he could pick him up this morning, and keep him all day, he said okay, but I could tell he really didn't want to. I work full time, have Zandy our cargiver while I work, and then I have him all night and all weekends until January when I have to retire due to not being able to pay the caregiver any longer. My husband has advanced Parkinson's Disease and Parkinson's dementia. He can walk, but he falls all of the time, and hurts himself, he is just getting over rotator cuff surgery due to a fall back in March. He refuses to stay in the wheelchair, and has started getting really defiant with everyone, keeps doing everything he can think of to upset everyone around him. His memory is not great even though he is on Exelon for it, but he remembers what he wants to. I get so frustrated because when we have to go anywhere it is such a chore, lifting the wheelchair in and out of the trunk, getting him out of the car. I'm exhaused before I get where I'm going. But back to the reason I started writing this is that my best friend doesn't understand why I'm so tired all the time, and tells me I have to slow down or put him in a home. It really hurts my feelings, as she has never had to care for anyone in her life except her kids. I would like to tell her to walk in my shoes for a week or so, and see if she gets tired. Oh well, just feeling sorry for myself today, had to get up at 3:30am to get to work by 6am, and have to be here until 6pm, pick up my husband and go home and face whatever I have to.
Have a good Sunday evening.
Take Care. JAD711

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I found a support group for caregivers. Ask your MIL's doctor or someone in the medical community OR start one of your own!

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Well, Selfish, my Husband is right here and I believe he would start WWIII if I suggested he hire someone to help overnight. He thinks that since we have help during the day, (BTW, Nancy was hired to "help me with MIL and make sure I'm OK, too--I have seizures. That's another story, but I got along 60+ years without her and I think I could get along another 60 without her) I should pretty much be rested and be able to handle the overnight shift. This is part of my job description of being his wife. For better or for worse. We take care of our parents when they get old. Nothing is going to change. I just need to vent about it. I know it isn't going to change and I'm not about to start a war over it. I'll just pray she doesn't outlive me. Just why in the hell does she have to have potty trips in the middle of the night??

In addition, though, overnight caregivers would be too costly. I can't imagine paying someone for a 7 or 8 hour shift 5 days a week 30 days a month at about $10 an hour. (or more) That would take her whole Social Security check. It can't happen. We're already paying Nancy out of her Social Security check.

There was one small change lately, though. the Home Health Agency sent a new caregiver to bathe her but the days changed to Tuesda, Thursday and Saturday. So where I had no-one on Saturday, I now have two hours on Saturday that are mine to do whatever I want to. If I wasn't able to mow the grass when Nancy was here, I don't have to wait until Monday to do it now. I like it that way.

(1)

Funnier - where is your husband in all this? I don't mean to pry but seems like nothing has changed since before she left for the hospital. I'm finding that with most of these situations, (like mine), nothing will change unless YOU make the change yourself. I know you have help come in but maybe you need more help, like a night caregiver. And hubby's just going to have to pay for it.

xo
-SS

(3)

Why is is that they think caregiving is such a breeze? Do they think they just sit or there and never talk? All you have to do is carry food to them and give them pills. BS. Don't they know there is a bedside potty, or you have to manage to get them to the bathroom somehow to the "real" potty and then back to bed or wherever they were before. You do more than carry food and pills to them for crying out loud. This morning she spilled her coffee all over her bed. Might as well have been poop. I had to change her and the bed 100%. Now I have a big wash to do when I hadn't planned a wash today.

As I was typing this, MIL called me to the potty AGAIN. GEESH, I'm so sick of this. If she needed the potty once a day, that would be OK, but it's several times and I just can't plan on doing anything--even don't know when to brush my freaking teeth because of that. She's interrupted every single thing I do, even my own potty. I'm jailed now until Monday morning when Nancy gets back. It's a good thing I have a CD player and good music or I'd be bonkers by now.

BTW, cdo, I'd like some of those bon bons if you have any left your sister thinks you're sitting around eating. I haven't had a bon bon in a long time.

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I really dont know what they think, when they say crap like that. Like all you do is sit around eating bon bons all day. Or tell you oh they had such a hard day at work (for 8 hours) . Or they didn't sleep well the nite before.(really), Or they are looking forward to the weekend. When you have been up for 20 hours don't even realize there is 7 days in a week , or the last time you took a shower. i havent thought about throwing the coffee table at them but i know for damn sure i will think about it the next time ..lol

(3)

Little, I don't know. I think your happy sis knew what she was doing when she came to BRAG about HER day off. That parting comment to you was a jab against you. That was just plain mean. Maybe you can send her an email asking her when is her next whole day off. Then say, "When you last stopped by, you said that you wish you cold sit all day like I do. Well, I would love to give you the opportunity to get that wish. So, may I know when is your next full day off, so that I Can Also do a Full Day shopping?" When you see her, again offer this invitation.

I bet you, she will find all kinds of excuses on why she Cannot do so!
So sorry you had a tiring day. Doesn't help when family is cruel but showing us how NORMAL every day life they're having while we live in a prison - a caregiving prison. HUGS to you!!!

(2)

I am just tired tonight! One of my happy sisters shows up this evening and announced she had the whole day off and gave a full discourse on her wonderful day shopping. She never calls to check on Mom and heaven forbid she would offer to stay and let me have a little time to myself. Then as she was leaving, she had the nerve to laugh and say "wish I could just sit around all day like you do now". I could have picked up my 400 pound coffee table and thrown it at her!!!

(2)

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Where do I go to just vent and have someone say, I know what you mean. It'll be OK, just hang on a little longer. I hope it's here.

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