Mom with dementia makes up stories that she believes are true.

This is typical. We had my husbands mom here for a few days and I bought all her favorite foods. She ate everything we offered her. When we took her back home she told a neighbor that she hadn’t eaten in days and we made her sleep on the floor 🤣🤣🤣. You just have to see the humor in it. At one point she called the police because my husband had stolen her car- he had not ,we live hours away. She called the post office to complain that the letter carrier was a “ whore” and sleeping we her husband and stealing her mail. Just be grateful you are getting G rated stories. You can not believe the stories we’ve heard!

My mother in law refuses to go to a doctor so she has not been diagnosed with dementia or alzheimers but I have been reading on Google and I have found out something's very helpful.
She tells us she's given up she don't wanna live anymore and she can tell that it's getting close
She suffers from Arthritis too, refuses any medication
She refuses to go to the doctor
She screams, yells and cries just about all night long then wants to sleep bout all day long that's called sundowners and it's a symptom of dementia

My mother in law does the same she will tell stories about her kids, grandkids and great grandchildren that are not true and I know they aren't, at first I corrected her but she gets mad so now I just let her talk I care for her 3, 4, 5 and sometimes 6 and 7 days a week
She talks non stop the whole time I'm here

Jenux1964: I am in same situation as you are. My 90 year old mom’s “stories” are getting more and more preposterous. She truly is delusional about so many things yet she is very articulate and very believable because as preposterous as they are, she sounds very logical. And there is absolutely no way you can correct her, explain to her or PROVE to her that what she is saying is not true. She is right 100% of the time and will not even concede the slightest. Sometimes it’s of no consequence such as the neighbors house got painted (it didn’t) or the caregivers drink up all her Ensure (they don’t!) but other times it’s hurtful like when I am the only person who sees her 4 or 5 days a week and does EVERYTHING for her then she tells others that I hardly ever visit and I come in and mess things up or take her stuff. All I can say is I’ve had to toughen up, pray for patience and learn to lovingly and respectfully set boundaries. There are times when I just have to say, “Okay Mom. I am going to leave now because it makes me sad and upset that you are saying these things about me that are untrue. I love you and I’ll talk to you later.”
i just cannot be abused. Typically she has forgotten what she said earlier and I just drop it. Other times it has gone on for a while. It’s just a challenge to say the least. Attending a dementia support group and doing a lot of reading has helped some too. Hang in there...we don’t have a choice to do otherwise!

My mother is 85 and has had dementia for several years now but she has just now started making up lies that she believes and is getting very mean and aggressive. I live with her and she accuses me of stealing her money and tells me I have to move even when my other siblings tell her it's not true. I understand it's the disease what I don't understand is how it's making me feel towards her. I love my mother and have always felt like she is a saint on earth but since she has started saying these things about me I'm having feelings that I don't want to have towards her but I don't know how to control it. Can anyone offer me advice please.

Yes my mom is in her final stages and she always say she going home I always laugh and say mom you are home then she always laugh back and say oh I knew that.of shes leaving in her car but she never been able to drive. I just tell her I'm going with her. Hope this was helpful

My mom is now in long term care, but it’s been a process to get her there. It’s taken about a year.
She tells fantastic stories, and they sound so believeable, but they just can’t be true. Her stories usually include the staff in her facility, and I think she’s getting paranoid.
I’m the only one of three siblings living in the same city as our parents, so their care falls to me. I keep in touch with my siblings via group conversations by text to keep them updated on our parents lives and health ( dad is 94, mom is 85) Recently I had to cut off all communication with one sibling who talks to my mother by phone and hasn’t actually seen her for over 18 months. I had related some things that the care staff had told me regarding my mother and my father, who visits her in the facility daily. My sibling told my mother what I’d said - of course my mother denied the stories (but did admit she didn’t remember doing it but might have). So I was accused of lying and spreading hateful gems of gossip.....
This is so hard to watch them decline and try to sift through what might be real and what isn’t.

I believe that! My mil is 83 yrs old and has Dementia. She tells a lot of lies. She is very aggressive. I have only one thought on my daily mind, her. People will say I am mean. How can I be, I have epilepsy myself nd I Have to take care of her. People have to remember not to believe what they say, it is not them it is there mind. I will make it easier to understand, which would you prefer? A steak or meat loaf. A caregiver suffers a lot. When the other siblings prefer not to get involved Nd tell you how to care for that person, they know nada!

My Mom is 82, soon to be 83, and is doing the same, but I know she believes what she us saying. At first, I would defend her and believed what she stared, but now, I ask, before jumping to conclusions. I do believe that part of this could due to attempting to gain some control. She has been in Assisted living for about 3 weeks and it has been an adventure. Most of the time, I can determine whether it's a story or truth, but there are still times, that I'm just not sure.

My Mom tells stories about incredible, yet believable things, with so much detail and excitment.
She told me about seeing a squirrel in the doorway. He was fluffing his fur of brown, gray and black, with small areas of white, shaking his tail and looking at me with his glassy eyes. Then he cleans himself, while continuing fluff and shake his fur to fullness.
She is so detailed about each element in her stories. Has anybody experienced this?
Thank you....

There is something in dementia called confabulation. That may be what is going on. I deal with it quite often in 93 year old mother.

My 100 yr old mother in law is making up stories about how my two grandchildren (ages 15 and 11) are really my illegitimate children. In our nightly phone call she will ask if they are home. I will say they don't live here, they live with their parents. We told her they are not our children, they are our grandchildren. She says no, they are yours. She will tell me that we are awful parents for not watching where they are and letting them out on their own as young as they are. Then she will go into "you are going against the Bible". She will ask my husband if he's ok with what I have done. He will tell her that I have been a perfect wife, that I haven't done anything like what she's accusing me of.and that she's being very hurtful to me. She will say she knows it's true and the whole family has always known that I was "that way". At first I was absolutely heart-broken that she thought so little of me to say awful things. Now I do realize it's the dementia doing this but it still doesn't make it easier to take because she brings it up EVERY DAY. She is now on a new loop saying that one of her great-grandchildren (age 11) is wanted by the police and she knows he's hiding in the basement with a woman. There is no basement at the Assisted Living facility. She does not know the time, whether it is morning or night. She says people are stealing her diapers, using her toothpaste, eating her candy, stealing food out of her refrigerator. All of this has seemed to come about quite suddenly. Is there a progression of dementia, what comes next??

My mother recently told me my father was unfaithful and I have a half brother somewhere. She has some details, but anything that might track this person down is unclear. I have no idea if she’s telling something she believes happened and it didn’t, or something that actually happened. It is very frustrating, but I listen and try to seem sympathetic.

My mum sometimes wont eat because she thinks she's being poisoned by my brother. She is constantly worried about the people that come in and take or hide her things and keep her awake talking all night. She is clearing her rooms out for some building work to be done to "tidy up the shape of the room" i could go on and on. She is more emotionally invested in this parallel life than in reality. I don't have any answers but you are not alone.

I think that, what happens is, they dream something, (whether good or bad), and when they wake up, they are confused and can not tell the difference between a dream and reality, so they stick to the belief as if it did happen. Like "Pickle15" said that her mother accused "someone very close to her of an indecent act". Most likely, she dreamed it and she's sticking to her story as real, because she's confused. They remember "good enough" to talk about it as if it were real. I wish I could figure out how to make them snap out of it . . .

That has happened with my mother . . . She tells me some disconcerting story and I'm like, "how the hell do you come up with those things!?" She'd be like, "I don't know . . . but it's true".

My brain is getting used to just listening and saying, "oh mama, there you go again", nod my head and keep listening . . . sort of like, selective attention.

my mum is worried all the time about people coming in her house trying to make her go to work, stealing stuff. She can repeat conversations but none of it is real. I tell her its her mind making tricks but she doesnt believe me and i can see its hard for her not to be believed but I cant "play along" with negative things that are upsetting her.

oh yes! we use to think my mom was a compulsive liar...it was, unfortunately dementia....She always had a good imagination, but we discovered it's delusions...and she really does believe them...been doing that for years and years...she's 86 now with severe dementia, which she kept hidden well until 6 months ago.

i understand the feeling.....I'm living with my grandmother and I deal with the everyday stories she tells that didn't happen....For instance I woke up this morning and she told me how she was up with my 8 month old for a few hours last night and couldn't get me awake .... she said my baby was screaming from the top of her lungs but in reality she wasn't awake at all.... my child sleeps in the same room as me.... I have 6 kids so I'm a pro at getting up in the middle of the night.... my uncle lives here also and he pulled me off to the side and said that nobody was crying and granny was in bed. I wake up sad everyday because it hurts to see her like this. She's very different compared to when I was a kid.... When she went to bed tonight she sai "Alicia if I happen to die please tell all my grand baby's how much granny loved them" 😢. I love her soo much

Just found out the other day while visiting my MIL at her Asst Living Facility that she's telling everyone that her husband passed away many years ago, after their daughter was born. My FIL just passed last year. Another statement she's making is that she had 10 children. Clueless on why she thinks this because she has only 4. It's sad to hear these stories because the reality is that she's getting worse. She is however very happy living at this facilty. Matter of fact, during our visits she walks away from us without saying anything to go get her girlfriend for their ice cream social. LOL!!

Do the folks who are listening to these accusations not consider that the source is a demented and damaged brain?

Pickle, my mom sounds like yours.
I'm anxious to hear what advice you receive.

My mother (75 yrs. Old)was diagnosed with dementia about 5 years ago, then she fell a year and a half ago and hit her head had emergency surgery and now is in an assisted living. There have been instances where she talks about something that happened a certain way but it didnt. She has accused me (her only child) of lieing to her and says her situation is all my fault. Just recently she accused someone very close to me of an indecent act and is adamnant this is true. I know without a doubt it is not because of certain changes between the stories she told me compared to what she told my aunt(her sister). This accusation would ruin this person's life and possibly mine if this "rumor" was to get out! I'm really at a loss in what to do. She has been getting really hard to deal with lately during a simple conversation and she gets really aggitated. I cant bring myself to even visit her because I usually leave upset. Advice???

For last 6monthsMy Dad has been in a care home.Settled quickly then it all changed about3 months ago. Tells lies all the time. Wants to go home. Has tried saying carers not good. Costs too much. Even said the manager said he's changing rules and he's to leave. Now his time is finished in care and he's going home. No discussion. Sitting with bin bag packed all the time now. Asking for money for bus fares and house keys. Says if I don't help move his stuff I will go in one day and he will be away. Also says dead relatives visit and he's been outside. All lies. What do you all do to cope with this.

A lady I take care of believes things happen recently and I know they haven't. We had one today. A Home Care company came today to evaluate her. She believes someone came a week ago and I know no one did. My patient curses me out, and screams.

Oh Margaret67, I am so sorry about your mother's behavior. Can you imagine being fearful of a shower and having to physically fight with your adult child over it? She must be in a world of pain. She deserves a different environment, so at least she has a chance to interact normally with her daughter when she visits.

And you ... oh my goodness! What a terrible situation you are living in. None of this is your fault. You've done your best for Mom for many years. Through No Fault of your own, your best is not sufficient to overcome the damage in her brain. It is time to turn her care over to professionals.

My mother was a real sweetheart, even after she developed dementia, BUT she resisted and fought taking a shower or using a walk-in tub. She lived with my sister for 14 months. Her mobility issues became worse and Sis was no longer able to care for her in her home. Sis tearfully announced that and the 3 of us sisters immediately went into gear to find a suitable placement. None of us blamed her at all. We were so grateful that Mom had this transition period after leaving her apartment. In less than a month Mom was moved into a nursing home very near one of us.

The first week a couple of us were visiting when an aide came in with a robe and towel and said, "This is a day when you get a shower. You don't have to get out of your wheelchair, I'll bring you down there." My sister and I braced ourselves. And Mom said, "Oh. OK" and off they went. She was in the nh two and half years and she never once argued about a shower. And our stay-at-home, shy-around-strangers mom participated in every activity they offered! She had never done crafts in her life, and here she was proudly telling us she made the construction-paper daffodil on her door.

I am just trying to encourage you not to despair or expect the worse now that your mother needs a different level of care. It is possible she will even relax a bit and start to enjoy herself. No guarantee, of course, but I can testify that it can happen!

The absolute best case scenario is that your sisters work with you to come up with a solution. It will be so much easier on EVERYONE if you plan and act as a team. You all want the best for Mother, and it is not possible for her to have that in the present situation. No one's fault, no blame. Just let's move on to the next part of this journey.

Keep us posted here. We care!

Margaret,
It sounds like your mom is ready for memory care. I hate to say, things will only get worse from this point. Been there, done that.

When a confused (demented) person becomes too much to handle, (mentally OR physically), it's time to move them into an environment that can better help with their needs.

I, too, had to physically remove my mother's clothes and force her in the shower and to clean up on the toilet. Also, because she would take off her clothes and urinate on the floor, we had to tape her pijamas together, even though one of us slept in her room all night. She'd pick at the tape all night then be naked in bed and urinate there too. I just couldn't take the screaming at the top of her lungs at 2am when I had to get another diaper on. I was worried we'd be evicted! Not to mention what it was doing to my psyche.
I became someone I didn't want to be. I was resentful, angry and frustrated just about all day. I couldn't be her daughter, I had to be a caregiver of a mini-monster.

It sounds like your mom has come to the point where she no longer can receive care in your private home.

I would talk to your siblings and tell them, because of these things and how it affects you, that you can no longer keep your mother. Take videos on your phone so you have proof, if they would question you.

Also, what impact is this having on your children? Are they traumatized by her behavior?

Check out Social Services to see if she would qualify for any services (like memory care or nursing home). She will have to qualify financially. She can't make too much on Social Security (around $1300./month I think) or have more than $2000. in the bank.

Most caregivers can't keep living with anger and lies. Some caregivers may be "superhuman" and turn off any human feelings. But I don't know of too many of them. It's only normal to be offended by her accusations. Too many offenses for too long can wear on us, it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back.

Good luck.

My mother is very abusive and says the most hateful, false things about me, her caregiver. She tells my siblings that I leave her home alone ALL THE TIME and that she is not part of my life or my daughters’ lives. My mother lives with me in my home and 2 of my daughters live there also. I took her in many years ago because she couldn’t live independently any longer. A week ago my sister had stopped by to visit while I was out and my mother started pleading with her and one of my other sisters who lives across the country, who my sister had called on the phone, to get her out of my house as fast as possible because she couldn’t stand living with me because she was so lonely! The truth is I hire in-home caregivers for her most of the time if I go out or I take her 5 days a week to adult daycare. My mother tells terrible lies about them also such as they don’t feed her any meals and they told her there isn’t any food for them to give her! Also my mother refuses to change her diapers or let me do it and I have to hold her down to get that chore done while she yells and screams for the police. She won’t bathe without a huge fight either. She even asked me to assist her in her own suicide so she won’t have to change her clothes! And this is a small part of the nightmare.

My mother lies constantly.

My MIL makes up stories and sometimes they could get people in trouble if someone didn't know she was making them up. She lives in an rv park , swears the landlord comes into her trailer and snoops ,steels and breaks her things. not true of course. I spend 7-8 hours a day at her trailer with her so believe me I get an ear full. Some one on this forum suggested showing them pictures of older times when they start wanting to go home. I tried that but it made it worse because it really kept it on her mind. I try to keep photos away from her now.

My mom has been very demanding and controlling all my life not kind most of the time. To any of us she divorced me and my brother dad when we were very young babies. Then remarried a coworker for 13 years till he said I love you but can't live with you!! None of use could very unpleaseing women. Here I am 52 with a mother 77 with deiabeic and dementia. Very mean to me not thankful for anything for water etc. The doctor will not put her in a home she is fine were she is . Please pray for me.

BlackHole,
Because my mom and I didn't have very many good memories, that won't be a source of comfort to me when she passes. And I certainly won't want to remember these times with all the confusion, incontinence and physical/mental decline.
So I'm going to focus on her relief of this hideous disease. She will be in a better place (we believe it will be Heaven) where there is no suffering. I'll picture her there.

I hope I die before I loose my brain.