I have been at this for years and really the worst part is the repetition which can go on for weeks and the worrying about trivial issues and negativity. I have tried everything as have my hired helpers and as a man who was so independent(me) this is so painful, boring, infantilizing and hurtful. Any suggestions beside the obvious? I have tried everything.....
She has PD and late stage dementia. But the worst is her severe OCD that causes her to do things like grab anything within her reach. Or bang on her dish with her utensils. Took over feeding her because she drove us crazy banging on the dish and playing with the food instead of eating. She is so easily distracted that it can take up to an hour to feed her a meal and sometimes 10 minutes to get her to open her mouth for meds. So, I find myself repeating commands that she ignores or just can't focus on enough to follow. I would much rather hear her tell the same stories over and over, but those days are gone. When she does choose to speak and ramble on, the words don't make sense, so I just keep on knitting or whatever and answer her with uh-huh or really?, or you don't say! She is just happy that she is getting an answer and eventually moves on to something else. I find the rule of "redirecting attention" was very helpful early on in the disease. If she asked about my deceased dad, I would not remind her he had dies 30 years ago. I would just say he was at work and would be home soon. So next time you get the repeating, try a few generic answers, then CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!! Or focus them on something else like "would you like a snack?" or find something they can look at outside through a window. It gets easier after a bit of practice and it will save on your nerves. If that doesn't work, Step outside for a minute and breathe!!!!!
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That said, now it is MY turn as a caregiver to my Mom and she is starting to do the same things. She tries to remember recent things she wants to tell me but has difficulty doing so. I think part of it is the medication (oxybutinen) she is on which causes this "foggyness" in elderly people. I've tried to get her to try to stop this medication but she doesn't want to because she loses her urine too much. I try to remind her to "write it down" when she thinks of it so she can "remember" to tell me what she wants to tell me. This is very frustrating for her as she has always been an "in control" person. I am hoping I'm not seeing what my future will be like. I, too, get frustrated sometimes but my husband is a good man and has always been a sounding board for me. It's hard to see your parents age (my Dad died 4 years ago). It seems everytime I go over to visit (she lives only a minute down the street), my Mom starts to cry. I think she's coming to the reality that life doesn't go on forever and she's trying to tell me things but she can't remember. My brother lives in her home (he's actually just a warm body there but he never really "talks" to her). He's never had a relationship or ever lived on his own -- he's 62 now and retired -- but mainly stays in his room all day. It's a good thing she has a cat to keep her company. My sister (who lives closer to my Mom than I do) never visits or calls. She lives with HER daughter and she's on SSD. My niece doesn't have a life. So I'm the only one who takes my Mom to the doctor, visits, or talks to her. I try to do as much as I can but I have to have a limit or I will go nuts. So when I have enough mental "strength" saved up, I go over and sit with my Mom and let her do the talking "over and over" often about the same things. Hang in there and know you are not alone.