I have been the informal caregiver for my mother for 7 years now. I am blessed she is such a dream. However, it that does not mean I have been without stress. After years of the stress of working 30 hours a week, caregiving to mother and helping with my grandchildren I became ill. I also lost my father and lover during that time. Career gone. Social life gone. Physical health gone. I am wondering while my 3 siblings have gone on with their lives and careers, How much some one would be willing to pay for my services? The services include handling all financial issues, paying bills, handling the trust, doctors appointments, arranging and transportation, church and family functions. Emergency services also including hours at the hospital, often spending nights, washing clothes, obtaining clothing. Really anything the assisted living does not provide: like managing insurance issues. How much are my services worth? I tired of feeling like a victim of circumstances, no breaks, no vacations, etc. no career and not able to travel or save for my future. I am now 59.
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Here is what I did with my siblings:
Research online what caregivers get paid.
Create a spreadsheet or the like and itemize all you do for your Mom - providing round the clock care. Multiply out by hourly rate and then tell them you have done all of this for free for 7 years. Now, with great financial loss, you need to either be compensated to care for your Mom (also include in the spreadsheet the cost of local assisted living costs - base + additional fees).
Set strong boundaries. Your siblings will be angry at first that you are requesting help because you are asking them to step up. Another option to present is that you need them to care for your Mom equally - like 3 months there, 3 months here, so forth.
My siblings blew a gasket - especially my older sister who is a stay at home mom to boys in school - and lives minutes away from Mom. She was really, really ugly - as was her husband.
Do what is right for YOU and your Mom. You are not asking your siblings, you are giving options and telling them to make a decision. Do a free conference call (freeconferencecall).
Blessings to you. Be strong.