Ok, last December I moved in with my Grandma (who has Alzheimers) and her daughter. I wasn't aware of her daughter needing help too!! She asked for help managing her finances because she bounced stuff ALL the time. I'm happy to say, I have kept her accounts in the positive the last 3 months. However, SHE is responsible for my Grandma. She forgets to give my Grandma her pills, she "forgets" to fix lunch and dinner, she never cleans or gets Grandma clean clothes everyday. Its like she goes off into her own little world. She even forgets her own pills!! I don't mind helping but its so frustrating when she doesn't do what needs to be done. I remind her constantly when she needs to refill Grandmas pills or if she needs to get Grandma to the doctor. Worse, is when the OTHER grand daughter stops by. She borrows money from 2 elderly women on a very limited income. She comes over only to do laundry, because she's hungry or to do Grandmas pills (because she thinks no one else can do them). She can't even come over just to visit!! Sorry, caring for someone with alzheimers, someone that says her mind is shutting down, a useless grand daughter that only uses them AND caring for a 5 yr old.....sometimes is a bit much. Thanks for letting me vent.
I am assuming that the other woman is your Aunt although you just refer to her as "she," am I correct? I need to ask where your mother or father are that is the son or daughter of Grandma? I have so many questions like does everyone get along? Does Grandma have a Trust or a will? Is this Aunt the only person able or willing to provide care to Grandma or does she have other living children who could or do help? I have asked a lot of questions but I am going to tell you what I think you should do, just based on assumptions of my own, since I do not know the facts.
If your aunt who is the caregiver of Grandma is having some memory problems then I think you should let your Mom or Dad know that Auntie has memory problems and is forgetting to give Grandma her medication, feed her, and help her keep clean.
What should happen is that the other siblings would come together and decide what is best for Grandma and find out if Auntie needs assistance as well. If there is a Trust then you need to find out who was to be awarded her Power of Attorney to handle her finances and health care. Your Auntie may be handling her healthcare but when you came to help with finances were you signed on to Grandmas bank account or were you given her Power of Attorney?
When you care for an Alzheimer's patient it really takes a lot out of you and you seem to lose your life in the process of caring for the patient. Your Aunt may be forgetful because she is depressed and has basically been beaten down by the job. She may feel like she no longer has a life because she cares for grandma and has for years. She however may have a medical condition herself, just like grandma does and they both may need help.
I am assuming that Grandma lives in her own home and Auntie lives with her and has for years caring for her. She may have done this due to financial constraints, that is Grandmas doesn't have enough money to be placed in a facility or Grandma and Auntie do not want her in a facility because Auntie promised to take care of her until she died. When Grandma does die, does Auntie inherit her home? I have a feeling the answer is yes, so Auntie is being frugal in an attempt to stay in the home together.
If you do not have another Aunt or Uncle to confide in, you can call Social Services and tell them what is happening and ask that they not reveal that you are the person who made the call but tell them your concerns and ask that they make an unannounced visit.
If it turns out that one or both of these women needs more care then I would really want them to go into a facility for care. I know this sounds harsh, but your 5 year old child needs you watching out for them and you will lose all these years they are growing up because your focus will have to be on the sick adults. It isn't worth losing this time with your child.
I am sorry my answer is rambling around, but without all the facts it is hard to give you a straight answer. God Bless you, you have a good heart!
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First, blessings and hugs to you for stepping up and into the situation. That said, be careful not to let yourself become the only functioning adult! There seem to be several things going on. Does the daughter have mental health issues that prevent her being able to do more? Is she burnt out? Sometimes when there are situations people don't want to do, it can be "easy" to let the willing take on the roles they don't want. What about having a sit-down talk with those concerned and outline responsibilities/roles to clarify who will do what and on what days or weeks. That helps clarify the situation and adds accountability to the picture. It's often easier said than done but do try. Too often people expect that other people will know the "right thing to do," but that leaves a lot of open ends. Perhaps the daughter needs to get out what's going on with her too. Take care!