I'm sorry, folks, my past 3 or maybe it was only 2 (I can't remember) days have been so awful this is the first I've been on the site for a while.
For months I have been writing out Mother's checks. For a while she signed them and then I started signing her name on them. However, sometimes in paying the bills, it got so normal that sometimes I'd sign my name. So, I decided I need to take the POA which I finally accepted about 6 months ago, but Mother had the foresight to do 13 years ago, to the bank.
Well, I walked into the bank with a check for her monthly money and the POA and explained to the guy what I was doing. The one branch had told me all I needed to do was present the POA and all would be fine. He said "the same person who filled out the check, signed it." I said yes, I did, but I have this POA. Well, he tells me he can't accept it; I have to talk with an officer. OMG, it had been so bad I lost it. The way he said it got me really upset. I start saying fine give me an GD officer, and I start crying and a little cursing -- thank goodness no one else was in the bank at the time. Well, long sorry short, the bank will not accept the POA because the checking account is in a trust and a trust can't have a POA. This stupid woman officer sits there and says how she understand; I say no you don't. You have no idea the pressure & stress I'm under and you won't help me on account of a stupid technicality. My Mother has over $12K in just a checking account on which you pay only $1.04 interest a month, but you are probably making a lot more money on by loaning it to other people. They refused to cash the check. Refused to honor the POA. So, I grabbed the check, went to another branch, walked in and acted like a normal month and at least they cashed it. OMG, it was not pretty, but I don't care. My Mother is the most important thing, not my reputation in this stupid town.
Well, the next day, I took Mother to the bank, had a check written out but not signed and had her sign it in front of the clerk. The bank had suggested I go to an attorney and have paper drawn up putting me as trustee on the trust. Why should I pay for an attorney on something I can skirt around. Thank goodness we switched all the CDs to dividend bearing stocks years ago or that stupid dang bank would be making even more money off her.
Thank goodness, Mother had a lucid moment and said in the car, "Tell me what we are doing so I don't have to ask in front of the bank people"...lol...I was so proud of her. All went well. We withdrew all the money except for about $300. We went to another bank opened a new checking account and they accepted the POA because that account is not in the trust. Problem might be that account will have to go through probate because it is not in the trust. But if I see death is coming, I'll close the account. Plus she has a stock money market account to pay everything anyway. I'm just so angry at that bank I can't tell you. Nothing but a case of CYA!
As soon as I get her SS check and her pension check direct deposit switched to the new bank checking account, I will also close my account and switch my stuff. Show that stupid bank what they can do with their technicalities.
Sorry folks, didn't mean to go on or vent so much. Some times it is just very cathartic for me to type out my feelings. Plus, I just found out yesterday, that Mother's blood work -- she's lost 7 pounds in 3 months and I asked a question on OTC appetite increasers -- was not good. Her white blood cell count is down to 910. We are doing a recheck on Monday. This is a woman who is on fewer meds than me for my cardiac stent and, except for knee replacement surgery 3 years ago, has never been in the hospital except for having her children.
I know a lot of people on here have not so many funds and I apologize for venting on a different problem. I'm amazed my folks built up the money they did. My Dad was just a milkman who delivered milk and my Mother a part time seamstress, neither made near the money I have in a yearly salary, but geez were they able to save. I doubt I'll be in as good a financial shape.
I'm sorry, the progression of this disease has me just flabbergasted and .... at a loss for words. Thanks to all for being there and letting me vent.
But, if your folk's checking account is in the trust, which I gather from your posts, and you are a current trustee, there is no problem.
My apologies to any attorneys on this site. I also worked in the legal field for over 20+ years as an expert witness. Most, not all, attorneys like to make us feel like they know it all, and we totally need them. Whereas, if you use common sense and just do what seems natural, they really are not always necessary. You can do so much of this yourself if you use common sense.
So, I could not see paying an attorney to put me on the estate as a current trustee when I could merely take Mother to the bank, have her withdraw the money there in front of them and start a new checking account outside the trust, that honored the POA. Screw paying an attorney. Sorry, folks, for the language, a long hard day.
But today, at least I finally got up the nerve to ask my Mother to sign a contract giving me and the one brother who does help a salary of $20/day. Not a lot and I don't want a lot, but it will show the other dip shit brother what it is about. So, I'm with Mother about, depending, 5 to 7 hours a day, so that's what? About $3.33 an hour? It's not about the money, it's about the principal of his not helping.
Thanks so much for you all being here. Tonight was the first night, I walked over at midnight to make sure her kitty got his night meds and I notice the front door totally opened and unlocked. OMG...a new problem, but I'll deal with it -- thanks to the support I get from this website. You are all great!
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if your mother passes away and your not on a joint account with her , her checking account will be as frozen as eskimo. poa terminates upon death and her assets will be frozen in probate till global warming thaws the eskimo.
I don't understand WHY you, the Power of Attorney weren't allowed to do that. My Mom has Alzheimer's and is not considered competent. Chase has bent over backwards for me. They are always very helpful. I got her a refillable debit card too (because she was hoarding cash, losing it and accusing me of stealing it). The Alzheimer's Association suggested that. Things are a lot more peaceful and no more arguments re money anymore.
Besides, he doesn't have banjo lips. Dumbo ears, maybe, but not banjo lips. Get your facts straight!
Does putting that @ sign in the post do anything? I have noticed that some people use it....
My name is on both father's accounts. He cannot sign his name now on his checks. I refuse to have POA over him and he is "not stupid to have someone have authority over him." His words, not mine.
What does a sack of F*** look like? ROTFL.
Sunflo, Macada's response on you don't want on the account because you could be partially taxed is spot on right. Another reason is, there should be no co-mingling of monies. I am not on any of Mother's account for just those reasons, plus, I don't want to give my one brother any reason to say I co-mingled my monies with Mother's and how does he know I didn't take hers. Heck, if I ever charged for my time, there would probably be nothing left & he wouldn't get a penny. Sorry, off topic, he's another story. But with the POA I have the power to write out checks, withdraw money or anything if she can't. Of course, the POA is only to the time of death. It ceases to exist once the parent dies.
Blannie, my folks never handled their stocks. I always handled them through a discount broker. The brokerage merely asked Mother to sign a letter stating I had the authority to make transactions in her account. It wasn't even an actual POA. Check with your investment firm and see if they might accept something similar, if your Mother will sign it, and that would take away one problem for you.
Thanks again, everyone. It was a much better day today.
But many times I've had to coach my mom before either a call from the investment people verifying that they could talk to me or taking her to the bank. I always feel like they think I'm stealing from my mom, which is the last thing I'd ever do. My mom has no short-term memory and so I always sweat like an idiot until we get through and she's been able to answer their questions like she knows what's going on. She gets nervous and also goes blank sometimes. When we had her will redone, she kept telling the attorney she had no memory, so the attorney started asking her questions, trying to make sure she was of sound mind. So now I have to tell her NOT to say that to people at the bank, LOL. My mom stays up on the news and works her daily crossword puzzle and comments on politics, etc. But she has no short-term memory, so it can be dicey when you're dealing with "officials" like bank people. Some of my mom's generation are kind of afraid of authority figures anyway. I'm just happy I'm not alone in having these kinds of situations. It IS very stressful! I've also closed accounts and moved money to a credit union where it's easier to deal with them.
Best if we can get our parents to add us to their account when the time comes; my mom refuses to do so; yet I'm her POA, and she keeps introducing me to the bank folks saying I have her POD so why do i need to be on the accounts. But there are always circumstances that occur where you would need to pay their bills or taxes and they might be out of it and not capable at the time.
Hopefully none of my moms money is in a trust; but who knows? I'll be sure to ask next time I go to bank with her.
Also, when you mentioned that you were surprised at how much they had saved, I have always said .. it's not how much money you make but what you do with it that counts! God bless them .. and I love the fact that your mum asked you in the car what she is suppose to say so she doesn't have to say it in front of them .. she sounds like a doll !!