Today my job ended.

When my mom went into the nursing home, I also felt immense relief from the 24/7 pressure. It took a little while before I felt like her daughter once again, and actually enjoyed visiting with her. My mom did not have dementia, but her care was all-consuming due to numerous chronic illnesses that were working against her all at once. I just couldn't handle it all by myself anymore - emotionally or physically. When she passed at the end of August, it was both a relief (for her and that her pain had ended) and sad for us at the same time. Take a few days to regain your strength and your sense of self. You don't have to rush into sorting through her things...like dirty dishes, they'll still be there in the morning if you don't do them tonight ;)

thank you! I plan to be there for my mom,just not 24-7 in my home.I am looking forward to being alone with my husband,and I slept very well not worrying about her falling .phew...

Sad it comes to this but so happy for you your mum is well cared for 24/7 and you can be her daughter again! Hug!

Dear Spooky, I am glad for you and your Mom. It's a big decision, but she will now have 24/7 coverage and you can start to breathe again. I recall what an emotional upheaval it was when my Mom went into the NH last year, and even the project of cleaning out her apt was traumatic. Then it felt so good to actually sleep at night without worrying about any middle of the night crises, because nurses were there on the spot in case of any emergency. It took me about 6 months to start feeling normal again. Such a weight was lifted from the rigors of daily care, but it took quite awhile to regain my physical strength and sense of well-being. So your new job begins - that of being the 'administrator and advocate' of her care in the NH. You may also still be the laundress (LOL) - the NH laundry service is not so hot!

Amen Jeanne (I've missed you). Trust me Spooky, your Mom still needs YOU. But it will be in a more measured manner. In addition to being her advocate, she needs a familiar face, someone to put cream on her hands and face, to take her out for a breath of air (even if it is in the lobby of the facility), someone to bring a special treat - fresh fruit or cookies or ice cream, someone to say a prayer with her, reminisce over photo albums, etc. Your job isn't finished but the description has changed. Best of luck as you begin this new role. And to all of the caregivers out there, embrace the support a facility can offer. Whether it is a day care arrangement, visiting care givers, live ins, or whatever - everyone needs help. And dementia patients need to be watched 24/7. It's virtually impossible for one person to do it for any length of time.

One job is over, and another is beginning. We don't have to abandon our loved ones when we place them in a care center. Now you can be an advocate for her good care without providing the care directly.

Oh Spooky, I'm both sorry and happy about your situation. Sorry that your mom's care was so tough and happy that now you can get back to your OWN life, once you deal with her hoard. Enjoy the peace and know you've done the very best you can. Take time to breathe and relax and recover. You deserve it.

Thank you for being honest; your post gives me more resolve to stay strong when this time comes with my mom. I hope you can find a local agency to come and pick up anything you want to donate; we have one here in Des Moines that is very good at taking pretty much anything worth selling. God bless!