My son in law has a similar problem. Not drinking exactly, but lacking an ability to control their limited income. His parents were always needing financial help....credit problems, repossession problems, refusing to follow a budget...but end result, regularly phoning him to 'borrow' money or get an emergency bail out, but of course, never any pay back. Finally he sat down with them and said, " I have to prepare for my own retirement and I cannot help anymore with cash all the time. If you want my assistance, then I need to take over paying your bills, put together a budget, handle your creditors, and to do that, I need to have the power of attorney. It took some discussion and some time, but they finally agreed. So they get their 'spending money' and he 'saves' some of their income monthly for emergencies like car or house repairs, and when they are short....they 'do without'. They actually kept spending and then not having food, so his comeback to that was to set them up with meals on wheels, and hold back MORE of their weekly spending money, to assure they would have enough food. They still get what they want, but, as an example, he convinced them that if they were going to keep smoking, they had to roll their own, rather than buy cartons all the time. So they 'work' a little for the ability to smoke, and it saves money for other things. They whine now and then, but at least their financials are more stable. His mom lives on oxygen and lots of meds and his step dad has early dementia....so he knows they will only get worse...but at least they aren't out ordering another TV on time because they are bored with life! Eventually he will have to move them into a guest house on his property or move them to assisted living, but he's started the process of saving their financial situation and paying off all their credit purchases and stopping them from continuing that.
Madeaa and Chicago1954 are on the money. Go to Al Anon - it will give you the tools to cope with this - and a lot more. It's not your job to prevent them from reaching their bottom, or to rescue them. Alcoholics create a lot of drama and turmoil and our job is to detach ourselves from it. Good luck.
Take care of yourself. Go to alanon and learn the buzz words that you can use if your parents phone you. Say things like "Oh, no. What are you going to do?" If they ask you for favors or money say loudly "I could never do that." It is hard, but there is support out there - for you.
Just wondering if anyone has some good advice about dealing with alcoholic parents. I'm trying to help without enabling. They are facing financial issues and I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel for them.
ADVERTISEMENT