The emotional affects of this forum.

Eh, I appreciate that but I promise you, it's two way street.
I know I can not keep her forever but I am not ready to do thiswithout her. I am lucky to have her.

Wow, 1healthyangel that's awful!!! Your gramma is lucky to have you!

@pstiegman,
It's not just here. The elderly are an easy target.
My mom is dead now but when she died and I took over for my gramaw, it was bad. My gramaw is the sweetest person you could ever meet. My mom was nuts. She somehow took gramaws house and left her with livers rights. Took all her jewlery and my meth/ pill addicted ex sister n law got it. She had no money at all in the bank. She sold her pain pills and gave her Tylenol p.m.s instead.Another family member had her debit cards. That person thought they would continue with my gramaws meds till I nipped it in the bud. It has taken us three years to get my gramaw some money built back up. We bought all her groceries untill just a few monthes ago because I was scared if something happened to me she might need money and not have it. So, because of what I sawmy own flesh and blood do to my gramaw, nothing here surprises me.

I come on to this site and look for the questions that no one has answered, because we all deserve answers. However, I wish there was a "smite" button to zap some humanity into posters whose motivations are thinly-veiled larceny against family.

I just commented to a post I probably should have avoided... My New Year Resolution is taking over!! So Yes and Yes...

im guilty of commenting before reading all the replies just this once. hell damn straight this site is excruciating. its a great comfort but it word for word beats you down. elder care isnt for indicisive or timid people. its showtime for every scrap of your aquired knowlege and whatever you can learn in the process. its balls to the wall time to take charge. hardest thing ive ever done and everything ive ever done was hard. on a positive note, caregiving was the most rewarding thing ive ever done. peace of mind is an eventuality, damn worth it.

While my "job" as a caregiver was a relatively short one (3 years) compared to others on this site, I can't begin to describe how much this site helped me when my mother was alive. She passed in August, and even though I know she is in a better place than where her body had her in the last few years of her life here on earth, I am STILL finding myself not quite accepting the fact she is gone. It's so weird...like that reality comes & slaps me upside the head every once in awhile & reminds me she's gone. I guess I just don't realize the magnitude of the loss except for bits and pieces here and there. I don't know if that is why I keep coming to this site...it gives me, in a different way, a sort of piece of her, where I spent the last years of her life...like she's still here. Does that make any sense? I was so used to being here daily answering and griping and venting, it sort of became a part of my daily routine. It helped me in so many ways - first and foremost, to realize that I was NOT alone - I wasn't the only person who was going through what I thought was a unique experience. It was such a relief to learn the opposite was true, and that there were hundreds of people who not only were experiencing the same things, but had felt the same way! All in all, this site has been more helpful than draining - with the exception of a few poop-disturbing trolls, the users of this site are awesome and maybe that is why I can't stay away for too long! ;)

I check in here every morning! I am so glad I found this site. But as you said I feel bad for others who are going through so much more than Mom and me... It scares me, that could be us shortly!!

There have been many times I have tried to not post, but I am always drawn back. I have learned so much here. I vent a lot and sometimes I find my own answer just by going back and reading what I posted. I have met so many wonderful people here too.

I love this forum. Where else can we come to scream and talk about the craziness that is our world? In the real world we have to say all is fine. Mom is fine. Dad is fine. In here we can say they are driving us nuts.

The lows here are when someone jumps on people with both feet. I have some foot prints on my head and I know others do, too.

Sometimes I wish more what we would do is share experiences. Like my mother did this and my father did that. Usually I just want to talk and I'm not really looking for advice, just someone to talk about the craziness to. I love it when someone says, "I know how you feel. My mother..." and goes on to talk about their own experience. It is like chatting with friends, so I'm not so all alone.

You betcha to both! Right now I am mostly reading, not commenting as much as I have been because we are going through guardianship and conservators proceedings. It is not because of being afraid to post because it may be read and recognized, but everything is extremely emotionally draining!

This forum is a lifesaver for me because I really have no frame of reference for what is happening with my mother now. Nobody I have ever known in real life has had experience that closely relates to the problems I'm trying to work out, so it helps so much to read everyone's experiences and approaches to things. The downside is that I see how hard it can get too and get scared that I won't be able to deal when the time comes.

Yes and Yes.

I come here to learn things. I enjoy what I call "practicing therapy without a license." Before I give advice, I have to think hard about what I think, and whether my automatic reaction is best. I have personal reactions - both positive and negative - to other posters, and have to deal with my feelings before deciding to comment. This website is a microcosm of Life, and I am quite attached to it.

Another comment. This forum directly influenced some comments I made to a co-worker a few weeks ago. She is in her mid-20s, and lives with her mid-50s parents because they had some health issues (that have now improved). She mentioned that she finds they rely on her more than they really need to, and that her brother does very little to help them. I flat-out told her to get out promptly, because they will only rely on her more, not less, and her brother clearly already is happy to let her carry that burden. I told her that if she's not careful, years will go by and she will have missed out on living her own life. She agreed with me, but I sensed some reluctance, so we'll see.

My comments were based on all the stories I've read here. Caregiving is a wonderful thing but too many people are consumed by it.

Hi Debralee,
I totally get the
"Learning to do what I have to " part. In the beginning I gave my gramaw free rein. All her belongings, lots of food etc. I now have a lot less in her home. I felt really bad about it but it has been one of the best decisions she and I made. She takes everything out of the cabnets and drawers and makes big messes otherwise. It takes me all day to sort through soiled clothes, dishes, food etc for her to undo it in no time flat. I am now able to keep her house clean. She doesnt get as confused either. It felt like I was taking away from her. Treating her like a child. I just say to my self, No, I am treating her like she has dementia.

I have learned a lot from this site. It is both helpful and scary. My biggest scare is my elderly mother and her reluctance to do anything. The biggest help is learning to do what I must do. Both clash and then where do I go from there.

Sometimes I think I am not gong to answer anymore and then something pulls be back in. My experience with my mom was "over" about 2 1/2 years ago now, but in some ways it is never over. It meant something to me to be able to share what I learned the hard way and maybe make it a litlte easier on someone else. Those emotions are what move us to love, to be angry, to be frustrated, to want so desperately to help, to keep trying to do the impossible, and finally, just to be there if we can when we can do nothing else.

Yes and yes.