My sister who lives 20 minutes away from our folks, visits them about 2 or 3 times a YEAR (holidays). My Mom was recently in the hospital and my sister did visit her there, (last time she saw our Mom was July 2013). My sister was crying and did seem genuinely concerned. I do not understand how someone could not visit their folks for such a long time and offer no help, yet I did very much get the impression that she cares. My sister does not work, and clearly has her days free, but does have time to travel, etc. My sister is an intelligent woman, and she knows that I am upset with her for never helping out, and she knows that our folks are hurt emotionally that she rarely visits. I cannot understand my sister's thinking. Is it arrogance, laziness, selfishness or a personality disorder? Would love to hear stories about her sibling(s) lack of help?
My sister in law lives 10 minutes away and may come to visit once a month and call once a month. Initially I was bitter about this, a break would have been much appreciated, but I realize that she has her own issues, own life and own priorities.
You really do just need to let it go because that's what's best for you.
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FYI I'm youngest of 7 kids and Mom's been with me for over 12 years.. Only 1 of my siblings visit Mom... Mom needs my support and that's my priority..
You say that she does not "offer" to help. Does she turn down direct requests? If you say, "Can you stay with Mom on Saturday?" or "Can Mom come visit you for the weekend?" or "Would you take Mom to her hair appointment this week?" does she turn you down. If so, does she offer an excuse?
How does she know that you are upset with her? Have you explained your concerns, or is she picking this up from body language and tone of voice, etc. How does she know that your folks are hurt? Have they told her, or are they expecting her to pick up the vibes?
This is very disappointing. You'll get lots of responses -- you are definitely not alone!