Advances in medicine have ruined my life.

Question

I may sound like a horrible person, but I'm pissed. The medical community is making a fortune on keeping people alive, and We, the Caregivers, are going broke. Not just financially, but emotionally as well.
Whatever happened to quality of life ? If they insist on keeping people alive beyond the point that they can care for themselves, then fork over the money and the facilities to care for them !!
Ten years ago, I embarked on this journey having no idea it would still be going on. Since then, I have been diagnosed with severe depression, I no longer have a social life, my husband had a nervous breakdown from trying to cope with my ungrateful and verbally abusive mother and lost his job and now she tells everyone that will listen to her that he's nuts.
I'm beaten down and worn out. I'm in the prime of my life and this was NOT MY PLAN !!
I have no children .. but wait a minute.. yes I do !! A 90 year old bitter old woman that finds pleasure in dragging me down with her.
I have no desire to have my life prolonged if all I can do is sit and have people care for me. That's not living .. that's simply existing.
And now that I've shared my rant, I'm going to go listen to some good old Pink Floyd and smoke.

AKAlicious · Accepted Answer

HA!  People always ask me, as a 30-something woman, "Don't you want to have kids?"  No, thank you!  I've already felt what it's like to have one!  I know the strain on your time, the exhaustion, the expense, and the way it tears your life apart, even if there are joys.  So thank you, but no, I will NOT be having kids!

anonymous158299 · Answer

im hangin on the dark side of the moon. come on by, bring the crazy old lady, i have a blast with them. they were crazy b*****s long before they were old curmudgeons. it takes a lot to shock one of em..

i told aunt edna last night that while im working, im likely to spring for a cigar and a half pint. her reply ; HELL YEA.. lol
we have fun, her daughter has accepted that im no threat and in fact pretty helpful..

assandache7 · Answer

RebeccaLynn just Breathe and send her to the Dark side of the moon!

ladee1 · Answer

I completely agree and have said the same thing..... I do not want to simply be existing so that others are put thru the h*** we go thru.... and I don't feel many of our elders do either.... what is the point of living to be 98 like my father... he was a miserable and unhappy man for 98 long years..... I pray I have enough brain cells that work, that if something debilitating happens to me, I will be able to take myself out... not even putting that burden on someone else..... none of this makes sense to me either..... glad you brought this topic up..... sending you hugs and hope you enjoy Pink Floyd and the smoke....

blannie · Answer

RebeccaLynn, have you considered getting your mom into an assisted living or independent living facility? She doesn't have to live with you. If she's as critical as you say, I'd be putting her somewhere away from my home. Why does she have to live with you?

pamstegma · Answer

Medical professionals are overwhelmed by families who insist the patient be treated at all costs. For example, a 99 year old woman with CHF and dementia was fitted with a pacemaker that her daughter and granddaughter insisted she must have. She hated it, it was constantly zapping her into rhythm. Fortunately the great-granddaughter spoke up and said "She does not want this." and " She knows what this means. She wants to leave and have Hospice" So she took her GGM to her home where she died peacefully a week later. I helped care for her. The daughter kept trying to give the woman heart medications. We devised a plan to ditch the meds one dose at a time, and just give GGM just medications for pain and anxiety that Hospice was using.
At 99 years old, she knew darn well what death was. She had deep faith in God and Heaven and was ready to leave. Family members who are in denial are what the MD's are forced to deal with.

RebeccaLynn · Answer

Thank You JessieBelle and you are right.  For the most part, you must either be poor or wealthy.   I'm glad you are finding a little help in your area.   I'd be interested in knowing if you find any more assistance.  :)

JessieBelle · Answer

I am glad that you brought this up, because it reminded me to check more on Alabama Cares. I see they have listed 6 hours of respite a week. I'll have to look more into that. I may have spoken too soon about the lack of resources.

JessieBelle · Answer

RebeccaLynn, I was researching last night on family caregiver resources in my state. I ran across Alabama Cares, a program that the state began to administer under federal guidelines. I couldn't find anything that they were offering, really. Everything else I found was expensive home services designed to help the family caregiver. I started feeling that the elderly in my state and their family caregivers were seen as fat cash cows. There is tremendous greed in parts of the US when it comes to old people. There is lip service paid to elders and their caregivers, but I haven't seen much beyond lip service that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Unless one is very poor or very wealthy, options can be limited.

Advances in medicine have ruined my life.

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