I have had stress mostly non-stop from my mother since February. She has anxiety disorder (medicine doesn't help a lot), is rigid, and won't listen to anyone. She is 87 years old on a walker and lives by herself. My brother stays over three days a week and there is a maid that comes once a week. My brother has personality disorder and causes more problems. She will be sent home eventually. I will stay with her for about five days. I live an hour and a half away. Then I'll try to get her to pay for someone to stay with her when she is alone. She will tell me she can't afford it. She can. She will say she can take care of herself. She really should be in assisted living. She can't afford that and she won't go if she could. I'm tired of going through stuff with my mother. She is very negative and stubborn. And I'm tired. Wish she would die, but she won't. She keeps coming through each health crisis.
You can't force her to hire caregivers. You can't force your mom to do anything. Begging and pleading and trying to reason with her only upsets YOU and gets YOU into a state. It sounds like you're doing everything you can for her. Eventually there will be a crisis she can't bounce back from and she will need support in place before that happens (like a NH or AL). Trying to set all of that up (selling a house, finding a suitable facility, trying to get her to see that she has no choice, etc) in the midst of a crisis results in stress beyond the mind's comprehension. That's what happened in my situation and I literally thought that I was going to have a stroke or a heart attack. I was amazed that my body could withstand as much stress as it had and still keep going.
I agree with the others. Start a conversation with the discharge planners and go from there.
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