In the process of moving Mom to an IL/AL facility, my BIL made decisions that effectively kicked me off the caregiving team. That was about 2 days ago. From what I can tell, she is settling in and financial issues are being resolved. I can't call her because he cell phone service doesn't work there and the new phone has not been connected. The new phone number has not been shared - at least, not with me. My emails to BIL have so far not been answered.
I am still DPOA but since she has chosen BIL to help her, I'm not needed.
I'm trying to see the blessing this is - that I am not carrying the burden of all her issues and needs all by myself. This process has shown me how selfish she is. Once she realized I was onto her act, she targeted BIL and he is now coordinating things.
I REALLY need to be okay with this.
I'm starting to think this may work out and all be okay. I was having trouble letting go, though for the life of me I don't know why. Maybe I was brainwashed as a kid (see narcissistic mothers). BIL is the only one in my family who has not been burned by my parents. So he has mental energy to put toward her that the rest of us don't have. She depleted the rest of us long ago. What gets irritating is he also doesn't understand the emotional scars the rest of us have and why it is so difficult to help out a woman who refuses to help herself, though she is more than capable of doing so. He has his judgements of us without the understanding.
I'll visit her Mother's Day weekend. Until then, I'm going to concentrate on myself and my own immediate family. Thank you for the encouragement and permission to do so!
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