Taking care of my elderly Mom, in my home.

We also have to remember that 1 out of every 3 Caregivers dies early leaving behind the person they were caring. I don't like those odds.

Until I became a caregiver to my mom I never realized the work involved, that my own sanity would be threatened, and that my husband and I would never have a minute alone. It has been 3 1/2 years now and her recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's is clearing up some of the very things I was wondering about. Lately it is more difficult because of her urine and poop habits ..which I am not sure I can resolve.. I have started looking into memory care homes that help Alzheimer's patients, so when I do finally give up, I will know the options. I want her to stay with me, I really do, I am just getting worn down. Before anyone mentions to call your senior center, etc.. we have nothing like that here. I live in the woods and nearest store, bank or doctor is 25 miles away. Help is just not here!!! Don't need advise, just venting....Oh yeah, those dementia specific homes are 4, 5, 6,000 a month!!! Just terrible....

God bless, everyone for your comments. I need it to hear some of them.

As a caregiver, you have to take care of yourself and your family first.

Just because we put our parents in a NH or AL does not mean we are less caring than anyone who chooses to look after them at home especially with mental health issues you are lucky that some of you have supportive husbands some of us on here dont have any support from family or partners any support is a bonus but i do not believe that we should killl ourselves in order to look after our parents just because they brought us up? I love my mum and will always be grateful for she has done for us on her own BUT i will not be able to do this for much longer as im drained and i feel no guilt whatsoever as i love her and want whats best for both of us if i give up my life to look after her by neglecting my own life i will resent for the the rest of my life and i dont want that and she wouldnt want that.

You sound tired and maybe you need a break for you and your husband is that so wrong? dont you think you deserve it?

My mom has been with me for 12 years. She was not able to walk for the last 6. I worked full time. I am not going to lie, it is hard. Now that she is actively dying, I can say I am so blessed to have had her with me. I tried to give her everything she wanted. Sometimes I feel guilty for being too busy to talk when I was consumed with work. Sometimes I wish I had said more. I miss the person she was. I miss putting my head in her lap as a child. I love her so dearly. It has been an honor and a privilege to be her caretaker. God bless you.

I use to think the same way.Your not doing anything wrong if she lives in an assisted living.Maybe visit the ones in your area and just see what you think.When my mom's safety was compromised, I had to have my mom, not live with me anymore.I've cried and cried, and still do, but I know she's safe,clean, excellent food stimulated daily, and I can keep my family together.God Bless you! Every situation is different and what works for some doesn't necessarily work for others. Good luck. :)

Scarlet is right about milk! Also the fiber and probiotics. Someone on aging care also mentioned if a person had their gallbladder removed they are more prone to loose stools? I had my Mom in the hospital in April for elevated liver enzymes and they said she had an impaction, I was shocked. Apparently she had loose stool by passing the impaction. I watch my Moms diet so carefully but Scarlet is right we can only do our best. My Mom takes a blood thinner and is diabetic. Would trying a dietician be an option?

Dear June,
You are a Hero! I am also taking care of my Mother, who is 94. There are so many things we cannot control and must just continue to care care of their needs as best we can. Join or start a Support Group for caregivers in your neighborhood. I live in a small town and I started a group that meets every 2 weeks. There's just 3 of us in the group but we get to share, vent and give each other advice. As far as the uncontrolled pooping look into her diet. With my Dad fiber helped him. With my Mom it's been probiotics. If you're not comfortable "prescribing" these things yourself take her to a gastroenterologist. You probably won't be able to fix it if he's colitis but you can definitely make it better. Also I now give my Mom almond milk instead of regular milk.
Good luck and keep love in your heart

I have cared for my 91year old Mom in my home for 7 years now and I feel your pain and your joy. The only suggestion I have is to make sure you have an agency or back up plan in case of emergencies. The agency I have is expensive but so good. They have helped me 3 times now and it's a comfort. I am 63 and there are times I could run away. I am blessed with an amazing husband and I feel we don't have enough us time but we are working on that. He has elder care issues also. I will pray for you and wish you the best. My Mom is a pooper too! I think it's an aging inevitable! I take care of myself by reading and watching silly old comedies, I am blessed that Mom knows what is going on and can communicate despite being a bit deaf. Thinking of you, we are in the same club! God bless.

June, I hope God gives you strength because at your age it is very difficult to take care of an older person. And yes, you will age quickly.

I know when I complain about driving my parents [92 and 96] anywhere, some people will say that my parents drove me around when I was a child.... I thought about that, but reality sets in and I remember that when I was a child, my Mom and Dad were in their 30's, not in their 60's [my age].... and that's a big difference. So remember that on days you might feel overwhelmed.

June5094, I will keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers.