I am caring for my 93 year old mother in my home! Every day I say I'm going to be more patient, but everyday I find I'm short with her about something. She has a history ever since I can remember of being vey sensitive to any kind of discomfort. All discomfort is a 10 on the pain scale so it's hard to know what is really bad. Her comfort has always been of the utmost importance. She goes from whinning to acting like she's enduring her discomfort to whinning, everything hurts, no strength, have had to ease her to the floor 5 times in a week and if no one is here I have to call 911 to get her up off the floor. It makes me so frustrated.
Please don’t try and make me Remember…
Don’t try and make me Understand…
Just let me Rest and know you’re with Me…
Kiss my Cheek and Hold my Hand
I’m Confused beyond your concept…
I am Sad and Sick and Lost…
All I know is that I need You…
To be with me at all cost.
Don’t lose your patience with Me…
Please don’t Scold me, Curse, or Cry….
I can’t help the way I am Acting…
Although I will try.
Just Remember that I need You…
And the Best of me is Gone…
Please just stay beside me…
Until my Life is Done.
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I'm not a Baptist and feel pretty silly popping up and down like a Jack-in-the-Box to sing songs and do things they do in church. But I did it. When it was time to leave, my mother said she was dizzy. I knew her blood pressure was low, so I pulled a Coke from my purse, then gave her some crackers when we got in the car. Then we went out to eat. She sat down while I ordered and brought her the meal.
She usually watches TBN on Sunday, but the network was having trouble. While she was out of the room, I switched over to watch The Big Bang Theory. She came back in and talked about how silly it was. I told her of course, it was silly. It was a sit com. She talked about how silly it was the entire show. What she was doing was harassing me so she could turn back to TBN, which was off the air. I knew that, so just finished watching the show. Then I turned things back over to her. I told her that it wasn't the show, that she just didn't like anyone watching her TV. She said, "Well, it is MY TV. I paid for it with my own money and ought to be able to watch it. If you want to watch TV, then buy your own."
At one time I might have gotten angry. Strange that now I just shrug it off. I really think that we are not short at all on patience. It is just that sometimes the little things that occur all day drain our patience so that it hits the bottom of the well. We ought to feel proud that we have as much patience as we do. I wonder where it all comes from, because so little is coming back in to replenish the well.
I have to keep reminding him that after work I hunker down at home, and don't leave the house until the next morning to go to work. He doesn't quite understand that, because my Mom loved to shop and go places... well, that isn't me.
We often tell each other that our loved ones are not likely to change and that it is us who have to change. And sometimes we discuss the specifics of ways to change. Your opinion is hardly new and revolutionary. Some threads (not "strings") are mostly venting, some are about practical advice, some are sharing personal experiences, some are philosophical ... but hardly any welcome bashing each other.
Unlike you, I'm pretty familiar with this discussion board. I've been a very active participant for several years. Most participants are women. There have been some very active men. I have never seen any gender bias in responses, in either direction. If you think the only possible way we could take exception to what you say (or more specifically how you say it) is because we are against men, I think you are failing to take responsibility for yourself. It couldn't be you ... it must be because you are male. Nonsense!
You say to Gayle, "Seems like you think it's your role on this forum to critique everyone else's advice. It isn't." Actually, these discussions are often very interactive, and anyone can take on the role of agreeing with or disagreeing with or questioning anyone else's post. Please don't tell us what our roles are in the forum until you've at least gotten to know the place a little.
I think you have misread (or failed to read at all) the nature of these discussions. You are mistaking us for a different kind of forum. If this site is not to your taste, I wish you success in finding one better suited to your objectives and style.
There are website forums where writers fight constantly with each other, this isn't one of them.
Therefore, what type of help are you looking for or what do you wish to vent about?
You claim to have "infinite" patience with your parents. But you exhibit none for your fellow caregivers. What a pity.
With your heavy handiness way of posting, is there an underline issue that you don't wish to discuss but still want to vent?
And no, I'm not going away. You go away if you can't face your own shortcomings. Look in the mirror, my friend. It starts and ends with you. Help your parents wether you like them or not. You owe it to them. They did it for you, no matter how inconvenient it is. You wouldn't believe what I've been through with my parents. And it's none of your business. So don't give me your BS about how hard you have it and how nobody understands. Feeling sorry for yourself never really works. I tried once. Now I take responsibility for the quality of my own experience. R-E-S-P-O-N-C-B-I-T-Y. Look it up...
We are at our greatest when we are turned outward, and our smallest when we are turned inward and focusing on ourselves. It seems to me, at least, that many of the posters really resent the fact they are in caregiver role. My advice is to cross that line and see the world through the eyes of the elderly, not your own eyes. Seriously, they need you. My final comment on this topic is, as Zig Ziglar has said, 'People need love the most, when they deserve it the least." Take your parents into your heart, or admit it is beyond you and hire someone who can. But please, for your own good and the good of your parents, stop this 'why me' business. It helps no one. - Thom Reid